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If you are not already familiar with LOLcats, be prepared to lose much of your day to laughing at absurd kitties at I Can Has Cheezburger.

Price: Free from PR people
Serving: 1 Filled Bagel, 2.5oz.
Servings per package 4
Calories per serving: 180
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15mg
Sodium: 8%, 200mg
Protein: 7g
Carbohydrates: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points

Kraft says: A bagel and cream cheese all in one. The warm, golden crust and soft, chewy texture of an authentic bagel wrapped around a center of cool and creamy Philadelphia cream cheese.

The review below is by the director of my department at work. He is French, so you will need to imagine his responses with a French accent.

1. Which type of Bagel-ful did you eat?
   First I couldn’t tell which one I took, I had to look at the packaging to confirm that I was indeed eating what is referred to as whole grain with cream cheese.
   If it had mint in it, I could have sworn I was chewing on some fresh Trident. The doughy taste of the bagel could have probably been avoided by cooking this thing properly. I would have preferred somewhat of a saltier taste rather than the almost sweet taste that is typical to this kind of products.
2. What did you like about the Bagel-ful (aside from that it was free)?
   …I was hungry
3. What would you change about the Bagel-ful?
   Close the factory down. Seriously, it has nothing of a good bagel. The crust is almost more doughy than the inside. The inside should be moist but not sticky and a lot more compact than it is. They’ve got to get rid of the fake chemical taste. I would categorize this as a failed attempt.
4. How much would you be willing to pay for a package of 4 (if you liked them)?
   I wouldn’t buy those so what ever price is not right. But if really I have to put a price I’d say $4.99.
5. How often do you eat bagels (free or not free)?
   Once to twice a week.

P.S. I did it eat it all as I am hungry coming out of the gym.

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1 package, 6oz.
Servings per package 1
Calories: 330
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 15%, 5mg
Sodium: 21%, 510mg
Protein: 20g
Carbohydrates: 16%, 47g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Eating Right says: Tender diced chicken, creamy garlic sauce, reduced fat cheese, diced garlic and onions on a brick oven crust.

Abi says: What does brick oven crust mean? Does it mean ‘in the style of a brick oven crust’? Does it mean ‘Partially cooked in a brick oven so that you can later finish cooking it in your home?” Does it mean “The words ‘brick oven’ sound cool and remind us of the Rick James song ‘Brick House’ so we use the phrase with the hope that you’ll get it stuck in your head every time you think of pizza.”

I’m going with the middle idea, which equates ‘Brick House Oven’ pizza to ‘chocolatey’ coating on Baby Ruth candy bars. It simply is in the style of chocolate, but it not chocolate itself.

This item is in the style of pizza. It has crust and sauce and cheese and toppings (maybe on the toppings), but it is not something I would actually call pizza. No, this item from Eating Right is an approximation of pizza.

First, the brick oven crust offered no hint of flavor. It was just a bread base made to hold the toppings. And the toppings? They’re awful. The picture on the box shows a moderate-to-skimpy amount of cheese, some herbs and an estimated 17 pieces of diced chicken. Reality reveals a different story: lots of cheese, tons of what I assume are herbs, 9 pieces of chicken and one cube of a completely unidentifiable substance that was probably a chunk of chicken fat.

Considering how generally accepting I am of mediocre microwavable pizzas (evidence: Stouffer’s Corner Bistro Steak Fajita Flatbread, which I should have detested and Lean Cuisine Roasted Garlic Chicken Pizza, which is multiple degrees better than this lame imitation), this pizza combined with the time of day and conditions in which I ate it (2pm lunch after having no breakfast and just 15 minutes to eat before yet another meeting) should have made it instantly accepted.

Instead I ate a third of the pizza and tossed the rest, resolving to get to 4pm with only the assistance of a Diet Coke and a granola bar. Yes, that’s all I ate until 4pm: a freaking granola bar. Okay, and a third of this pizza, which is a grand total of 110 calories.

I really wish that I could describe the taste of this pizza for you, but the problem is that it was so bland that there was only one flavor: light garlic. Now, if Eating Right has somehow managed a new method for imparting a light garlic flavor to foods, they should get on the horn with Kashi and help them rescue their Garlic Chicken Pizza. The garlic was so much in the ‘hint’ category that I didn’t worry about heading into 2 hours of meetings after such a lunch.

On the other hand, this pizza also included chicken, imaginary onions, herbs, cheese and crust and I can’t tell you a single memorable thing about any of them.

Price: Free from Hormel
Serving: 1 Container, 10 oz.
Calories: 220
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15mg
Sodium: 25%, 600mg
Protein: 11g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 30g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points

Hormel says: Homestyle Beef with Mashed Potatoes & Gravy. Created for a healthy lifestyle. Ready in 90 seconds!

Matt says: It took me a little while to gather the courage to delve into another Hormel Compleats meal. It is just plain weird to eat a prepared meat dish that was not frozen. Similar to the military issued MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat); peeling off the rubbery plastic cover is akin to opening something made by the Alpo corporation. At that point it is difficult to get excited.

Removing the cover reveals a cafeteria scoop of mashed potatoes viewable under a deep pool of gravy. The actual meal looks a lot different than the cover of the package! Per the cover image the idea is to stir the potatoes into the gravy. I tried this but there is just so much gravy. The gravy is thin in texture. Conversely, the potatoes are thick to the point of being dry. This is good, nevertheless, or else the potatoes would dissolve in the murky brown liquid.

The potatoes are a mild surprise. They are not nearly as good of the TV dinners of my youth but better than the current Swanson offerings. I like that they are on the dry side.

The meat and mushroom content leaves a lot to be desired, however. The mushrooms have the taste and texture of regular canned mushrooms. I counted only four pieces, and I seriously mean pieces, of mushroom in the container. The meat, like in the Compleats Steak & Peppers variety, is tender. That said there is not much of it. Unlike the ample meat pictured on the cover, there was only one rather large piece of beef and then a series of beef bits. “Beef bits” – what a horrible concept. Wait, doesn’t Hormel make bacon bits? There you go.

Ultimately the gravy flavor dominates the dish. Rather than gravy it is more like beef stew broth, or a prepared pot roast broth. It’s everywhere. If one wants to combine this with bread there will be plenty of gravy for sopping. I would be on board for this if the gravy was actually good. There seems to be a dominant spice that I cannot put my finger on. I looked on the package to only find a lot of “flavorings” and preservatives. Wine is an ingredient, which probably accounts for the pot roast echoes. Regardless, everything tastes like gravy.

While it is definitely better than the Steak & Peppers variety, I tasted that gravy for an hour afterward. It is definitely filling, but would be a lot better with a vegetable of some sort. The pot roast parallels call for carrots I think. There’s not enough good here to make me buy this. The shelf life is a plus but the meal just okay. I can see bringing one of these to work for lunch and at noon deciding to get take out instead. It would stay in my desk for months.