Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 cup, 3oz.
Calories: 50
Fat: 4%, 3g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 4%, 95mg
Protein: 2g
Carbs: 2%, 5g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 per serving

Green Giant says: No sauce, just enough liquid to cook

Abi says: I am currently watching television (hello, jet lag!) and there’s an ad for Axe Deodorant spray. Men, please listen to me: SPRAYING AXE ON YOURSELF IS NOT THE EQUIVALENT OF A SHOWER. I know, you’re thinking “Hey, it kills bacteria. I could just use that instead of taking a shower!” But then you would be wrong. You would be incorrect and odiferous. Nobody needs that.

While Axe Deodorant Spray might be one of the worst items to ever grace the shelves of a supermarket, one of my favorite vegetable finds are these green beans from Green Giant. If you already like green beans and you aren’t allergic to almonds, you should do yourself a favor and keep a couple boxes of these in the freezer.

I know, I know, you’re skeptical about the lack of sauce. I was worried about it too. And then I remembered that I don’t enjoy many of the butter sauces that come on microwaved vegetables. So if you’re addicted to those butter sauces your mileage may differ. I didn’t realize how much I like these until I bought my third package the other day and thought “Hmmm, I should probably review these to let other people know that they’re good.” And then I thought “Or not. Because what if I review them and they become super-popular and suddenly every store runs out of my current-favorite microwave vegetables?” But I don’t think that will be the case.

I followed the package instructions in microwaving the beans, then poured them into a bowl and drained the beans of all excess water. The draining is important. Drain your beans. If you don’t you’ll be quite disappointed and spend the rest of the day thinking to yourself ‘Why didn’t I listen to Abi?’ Once your beans are suitably dry, open up the roasted almonds, top your beans with said almonds and enjoy a bright green, surprisingly tasty side dish.

Do I have complaints about this meal? Of course I do. First, who the heck says that there are 2.5 servings in a package? I’m sick and tired of Green Giant’s slavish adherence to the idea that a serving of vegetables is 50 calories. This is especially funny and/or annoying to me because I would certainly call a single apple or a single grapefruit a serving, but according to the folks at Green Giant an apple would easily be more than one serving. Bah to that.

I appreciate the small package size because it makes the microwaving process fast. I do not appreciate the serving-size foolishness.

My other problem with this dish is the tiny packet of almonds. Why skimp, Green Giant? Okay, so I know why: almonds are expensive and full of calories. And you know what? These calories (in the form of almonds) are freaking delicious. Each almond sliver is a musky bite of smoke, balancing the vegetal green of the beans. More musky smoke, please.

Are these green beans better/cheaper/faster than green beans I can make at home? No. But they do use fewer dishes and I can always have a package in the freezer. You can’t say that about fresh beans.

MSRP: $4.19
Serving: 1 package, 6.5oz.
Calories: 330
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 8%, 20mg
Sodium: 26%, 640mg
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 14%, 41g
Fiber: 17%, 4g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Lean Cuisine says: White meat chicken, tomato, bacon, cheddar and mozzarella cheese with a ranch sauce in a soft flatbread.

Josh says: In my quest for free meals and after my positive experience with the Lean Cuisine Chicken Philly Flatbread Melt, I decided to try the chicken ranch club. Much like the chicken Philly, the ranch club’s chicken didn’t have much taste. With the exception of one or two bites that had an unusual concentration of tomatoes or “bacon bits,” the meal amounted to little more than spreading a layer of ranch dressing on soft warm (somewhat rubbery) bread. For some reason the meal reminded me of that famous Anne Richards line about George Bush, Sr: “He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” I bet it tasted better than the Lean Cuisine Chicken Ranch Club Flatbread Melt.

[This meal was free from the folks at Lean Cuisine. Nicole also reviewed the Lean Cuisine Chicken Ranch Club Flatbread Melt. Her review has a lovely photo and no references to Texas. -Ed.]

Price: $4.19 (full price :()
Serving: 1 sandwich, 2oz.
Calories: 210
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 10%, 230mg
Protein: 19g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 10g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Smuckers says: Smuckers has discovered a new way to seal its homemade goodness into a delicious PB & Honey sandwich. The secret is there’s no crust so kids love ‘em!

Abi says: Every time I visit Seattle, my college town, I spend a morning at Pike Place Market and am instantly distracted by the food. I gorge on miniature doughnuts still hot from the fryer and tossed with cinnamon and sugar. I accept slices of fresh pear, dripping juice and proffered from the tip of a sharp knife. I taste honey categorized by flowering plant, featuring the names Fireweed, Clover, Lavender and Alfalfa, offered upon wooden stir sticks.

It was the honey that did me in. Given a cracker topped with a bit of fresh cheese, I bit in with pleasure. “Wait!” said the farmer, before I could take a second bite. She drizzled the rest of the cheese with honey and I just about died right there in downtown Seattle.

Back in California I started trying everything honey. Honey and cheese (still freaking amazing), honey lattes (not that great), honey-caramel corn (okay) and Peanut Butter and Honey Uncrustables (not actually made with honey. Okay, made with a little bit of honey, but probably not enough honey to convince my mom that it is anything but the devil).

I was excited about trying these because they are made with whole wheat bread and I have been nothing if not brainwashed by my hippie forebears. The thought of Wonderbread makes me gag. Though, the thought of a freshly baked loaf of white bread makes me wonder if anyone has some butter and jam. The wheat bread used by Smuckers really just highlights the fact that white bread is also made of wheat and that adding caramel color is a weird way to hide a lack of fiber.

The peanut butter inside the ubersoft bread pocket was creamy, nutty and just about everything that non-all-natural non-chunky (see, smooth) peanut butter should aspire to be. The honey was utter weirdness. For one, there is a lot of it. I don’t know about you, but when I make a peanut butter and honey sandwich, I do not make it with a 1:1 ratio of peanut butter to honey. No, I prefer at least twice as much peanut butter as honey or jam, perhaps even a 3:1 ratio of nut butter to sweet. The other scary thing about the honey spread? Well, it didn’t really taste like honey. It just tasted like goo, a sensation that made me take a look at the ingredients, which are below:

1. Corn Syrup
2. High Fructose Corn Syrup
3. Water
4. Honey
5. Pectin
6. Natural Flavor
7. Citric Acid
8. Potassium Sorbate
9. Caramel Color
10. Calcium Chloride

I think the United States is the only country were the labeling laws are so lax that this can be called ‘Honey Spread’. Aren’t the actual ingredients in honey something like “Pollen and bee spit/vomit”?

Yet, as horrifying as I found the possibility of eating a pocket of peanut butter and (mostly) fake, non-bee-spit honey, I ate/used all of these. You see, they are perfect for two things:

1. Travelling across the country
2. Giving to homeless people

On a trip to Austin I consumed one pocket on the train and one on the plane. I did not pay $17 for a suspect sandwich from American Airlines (though I did fly in a seat just in front of the enormous aircraft engines and spent most of my flight thinking about the first episode of Lost and that guy who walks in front of the engine and well, you know.) While walking through downtown Palo Alto I provided some homeless lady with a snack. If I’m on my way to a meeting or meeting up with some folks I don’t have to take the time to purchase a sandwich for someone who needs medication just as much as food, I can just carry one around. And therein lies the utility of the Uncrustable.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — Boston, MA — March 14, 2008 — Slade Gorton & Co is issuing a voluntary recall of its “ICYBAY” cooked, ready to eat, frozen Langostinos because they have the potential to be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes, an organism which can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections in young children, frail or elderly people, and others with weakened immune systems.

Although healthy individuals may suffer only short-term symptoms such as fever, headache, stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain and diarrhea, Listeria monocytogenes infection can cause miscarriages and stillbirths among pregnant women.

The product retails in one pound, clear plastic package marked with UPC 0-73129-61672-8 on the top and with an expiration date of June 2009 and is distributed under the brand name of “ICYBAY”. The product also was distributed to wholesale accounts, also under the “ICYBAY” brand, in five pound clear plastic packages containing either 70-90 count, 90-125 count or 120-150 count. This recall involves production dates of July 18, 2007 through August 13, 2007 and/or Julian dates of 199 through 232.

The recalled “ICYBAY” cooked langostinos were distributed to retailers in Massachusetts and Maryland, over the course of the past several weeks. The majority of the retail distribution was removed from shelves immediately upon notice of the potential of contamination. The recalled “ICYBAY” cooked langostinos were distributed to wholesalers in Colorado, Connecticut, Indiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Oklahoma, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia and Wisconsin.

Consumers who have purchased one pound packages of “ICYBAY” cooked langostinos are urged to return them to the place of purchase for a full refund. Consumers with questions may contact the company at 1-800-225-1573.

Source: http://www.fda.gov/oc/po/firmrecalls/slade03_08.html
Hat tip: Matthew at UsabilityWorks.org
Langostino image courtesy of Virgirm