Price: $2.59
Serving: 1 pattie, 1.34oz.
Calories: 80
Fat:5%, 3g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 11%, 260mg
Protein: 10g
Carbs: 1%, 3g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Sugar: <1g
Weight Watchers Points: 2 Points

Morningstar Farms says: Savory, sizzling veggie patties seasoned with herbs and spices.

Abi says: I hesitate to write about these vegetarian sausage patties. It isn’t that I think you’ll all run to your nearest Trader Joe’s to buy them (though you should because at TJ’s they’re half the regular grocery store price). No, I’m worried that my fiance will read this review and finally learn that the breakfast sausage we ate throughout the winter was actually made of soy. This is why I don’t have a photo of the cooked sausage, though it looks exactly the same as the photo on the box.

I know that the Morningstar Farms veggie sausage, which is prone to overcooking, could never be confused with the truly amazing housemade sausage patties at Austin’s Kerby Lane Cafe. But if you’re worried about the amount of Jimmy Dean in your shopping cart, I implore you to try this breakfast item.

Each pattie is already brown, so all you need to do is heat them in the microwave and then crisp them a bit on each side. Burning the patties is easier than you’d think, especially if you’re used to cooking real made-with-meat sausage. Additionally, they have a confusing texture, much like real, slightly overcooked sausage, except they achieve granularity much more quickly than real sausage. I believe this is because vegetarian sausage lacks the connective tissue products one might find in standard sausage products. In addition to lacking tendons and such, each pattie has 1/2 the calories and 1/5 the fat of the same amount of pork sausage.

These ’sausage’ patties, when served alongside a suitably dramatic item (I recommend French Toast Casserole with Pecan-Brown Sugar Streusel), will potentially be mistaken for real sausage. But if you’d like to just make your own homestyle sausage, you can’t go wrong with Homesick Texan’s Sausage Recipe. A warning before you click that link: if you’re a displaced Texas you’ll spend the rest of the afternoon wishing you were back home in the Lone Star State.

Price: $4.00
Serving: 1/2 package, 5oz.
Calories: 210
Fat: 22%, 14g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 19%, 470mg
Protein: 3g
Carbohydrates: 6%, 19g
Fiber: 11%, 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 per Serving

Deep Foods says: Mixed Vegetables sauteed and seasoned in authentic Indian style. Vegetarian Delight.

Jess says: When it comes to microwave food, I’ve been around the block a few times. I know the staples, the Stouffers and Lean Cuisines of this world. And I know about the niche markets of vegan delights and celebrity named frozen food brands. I have explored the freezer cases of many a supermarket, organic market and convenience store. So it is with great pleasure that I embark on new territory. Oh to be the Leif Erickson of this flash frozen new world! It is an honor, ney, a privilege. To find this Undhiu Indian food brand was a special treat because, damn, I love Indian food. The things Indian chefs can do with mere peas! Peas! Bring it on, I say.

It was only when I opened this box that I realized there was no rice in this meal. What a let down. No matter how tastily compiled your Indian fare maybe, you need that starchy rice goodness to sop up all the liquid and expand in your hungry stomach. Otherwise you have less of a meal and more of a spicy soupy appetizer. So I left the meal to thaw and picked up some basmati rice, naan and stuffed grape leaves at this foodery of unknown ethnic allegiance down the street. They mix Indian, Mediterranean and American all over their menu, but they are cheap and delicious so I don’t ask too many questions.

Back at the office, and now super hungry, I fell into a trance staring at the microwave and took in the sweet, spicy smells of this meal coming to life. True to smell, the taste was nothing short of kick ass. It’s on the sweeter nutmegish side with a good helping of veggies. And what is that tender burst of goodness my mouth encountered? A sweet potato! Well, hello beautiful. With the rice and naan, the portion was mighty and managed to be enough for a second lunch the next day. Each day I found myself to be the happiest of the desk-enslaved.

So now, Internet, I’m torn. How does one rate a truly delicious meal that is not a self contained entity, but merely a key ingredient to the final product? I think I still have to give it 3 stars. With the rice and naan, I spent over $8 on this meal which is A LOT for microwave food. It did last 2 days, though, which puts it at $4 a meal which isn’t too bad. But then there is the cost of doing so much extra work to get the final product together. Once I got to the eatery I just could have bought their food, which I like to pretend is fresh, and would have been done with the whole fiasco of lunching. Let us remember that the idea of microwave food is the convenience. Still, I would recommend that you try this brand if you stumble on it. Just remember to have some rice on hand.

Ingredients: Potatoes, Eggplant, Green Beans, Pigeon Peas, Corn Oil, Bell Peppers, Sweet Potatoes, Lima Beans, Tomatoes, Plantain, Spinach, Chickpeas, Sugar, Coconut, Coriander, Salt, Spices, Peppers, Sesame Seeds, Wheat Flour, Rye, Turmeric and Citric Acid.

[If you’re into Trader Joe’s products, we recommend the microwavable rice (it comes in boxes) and the frozen naan. Amy adores Trader Joe’s Garlic Naan. -Ed.]

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 cup, 3oz.
Calories: 50
Fat: 4%, 3g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 4%, 95mg
Protein: 2g
Carbs: 2%, 5g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 per serving

Green Giant says: No sauce, just enough liquid to cook

Abi says: I am currently watching television (hello, jet lag!) and there’s an ad for Axe Deodorant spray. Men, please listen to me: SPRAYING AXE ON YOURSELF IS NOT THE EQUIVALENT OF A SHOWER. I know, you’re thinking “Hey, it kills bacteria. I could just use that instead of taking a shower!” But then you would be wrong. You would be incorrect and odiferous. Nobody needs that.

While Axe Deodorant Spray might be one of the worst items to ever grace the shelves of a supermarket, one of my favorite vegetable finds are these green beans from Green Giant. If you already like green beans and you aren’t allergic to almonds, you should do yourself a favor and keep a couple boxes of these in the freezer.

I know, I know, you’re skeptical about the lack of sauce. I was worried about it too. And then I remembered that I don’t enjoy many of the butter sauces that come on microwaved vegetables. So if you’re addicted to those butter sauces your mileage may differ. I didn’t realize how much I like these until I bought my third package the other day and thought “Hmmm, I should probably review these to let other people know that they’re good.” And then I thought “Or not. Because what if I review them and they become super-popular and suddenly every store runs out of my current-favorite microwave vegetables?” But I don’t think that will be the case.

I followed the package instructions in microwaving the beans, then poured them into a bowl and drained the beans of all excess water. The draining is important. Drain your beans. If you don’t you’ll be quite disappointed and spend the rest of the day thinking to yourself ‘Why didn’t I listen to Abi?’ Once your beans are suitably dry, open up the roasted almonds, top your beans with said almonds and enjoy a bright green, surprisingly tasty side dish.

Do I have complaints about this meal? Of course I do. First, who the heck says that there are 2.5 servings in a package? I’m sick and tired of Green Giant’s slavish adherence to the idea that a serving of vegetables is 50 calories. This is especially funny and/or annoying to me because I would certainly call a single apple or a single grapefruit a serving, but according to the folks at Green Giant an apple would easily be more than one serving. Bah to that.

I appreciate the small package size because it makes the microwaving process fast. I do not appreciate the serving-size foolishness.

My other problem with this dish is the tiny packet of almonds. Why skimp, Green Giant? Okay, so I know why: almonds are expensive and full of calories. And you know what? These calories (in the form of almonds) are freaking delicious. Each almond sliver is a musky bite of smoke, balancing the vegetal green of the beans. More musky smoke, please.

Are these green beans better/cheaper/faster than green beans I can make at home? No. But they do use fewer dishes and I can always have a package in the freezer. You can’t say that about fresh beans.

MSRP: $4.19
Serving: 1 package, 6.5oz.
Calories: 330
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 8%, 20mg
Sodium: 26%, 640mg
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 14%, 41g
Fiber: 17%, 4g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Lean Cuisine says: White meat chicken, tomato, bacon, cheddar and mozzarella cheese with a ranch sauce in a soft flatbread.

Josh says: In my quest for free meals and after my positive experience with the Lean Cuisine Chicken Philly Flatbread Melt, I decided to try the chicken ranch club. Much like the chicken Philly, the ranch club’s chicken didn’t have much taste. With the exception of one or two bites that had an unusual concentration of tomatoes or “bacon bits,” the meal amounted to little more than spreading a layer of ranch dressing on soft warm (somewhat rubbery) bread. For some reason the meal reminded me of that famous Anne Richards line about George Bush, Sr: “He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” I bet it tasted better than the Lean Cuisine Chicken Ranch Club Flatbread Melt.

[This meal was free from the folks at Lean Cuisine. Nicole also reviewed the Lean Cuisine Chicken Ranch Club Flatbread Melt. Her review has a lovely photo and no references to Texas. -Ed.]