School Lunch Exposed

My childhood memories of school lunches are pretty slim.* I remember seeing huge mixers and smelling the scent of fresh-baked rolls and making fun of the hamburgers and soggy oven-baked fries. I also remember getting to middle school and suddenly having access to a salad bar (aka RANCH DRESSING TIME). Thinking back, most of those school lunches were pretty darn healthy and made right there at the school.

Today’s school lunches are a whole different story: they look like frozen meals. In fact, they are frozen meals. And there’s a new frozen meal review blog on the block. Welcome to the fray of reviewers (but for far different purposes than Heat Eat Review) Mrs. Q of Fed Up with School Lunch.

Brand Advocate?

If I think of myself as a champion of anything, it isn’t be brands or products. I am a champion of people. And people’s tastebuds. I try not be a jerk when writing reviews, and I understand that a lot of companies see Heat Eat Review as a great venue to reach out to consumers (how do you think I do giveaways? Okay, so I did buy that Indian food myself), but Heat Eat Review is for people, not for companies.**

I’m not sure the little writeup included in the Advocates in Bloom volume of Patterns from IDEO gets that across since it has two quotes from me out of a 30 minute interview, but you can read this and start thinking like a corporation!

Free Stuff

Speaking of giveaways, we’re going to do some more! These’ll be for Indian Foods (yum), Bacon Popcorn (seriously) and some soups! I know, soups are not necessarily as exciting as Indian foods and bacon foods. There’s a catch: you have to be a fan of Heat Eat Review on Facebook and/or follow Heat Eat Review on Twitter in order to win prizes. So get to it!

Asterisky Stuff

*When I was a teacher (3rd grade in Texas) I didn’t eat lunch in the cafeteria. Those 25 minutes were the first time I’d had since 7:30am to use the bathroom, call parents, make any errant photocopies and eat some food. Though I loved my students, I couldn’t wait to have 25 minutes to not be in charge of anyone but myself. What did I eat for lunch? Carrot sticks and Triscuits with peanut butter. Almost every day. I didn’t even have time to get a frozen meal.

**I should admit here that I work at an advertising agency, but mostly I make websites about high tech products. I have never worked on a food account.

Price: $2.50 (oh sales)
Serving: 1 set of 4, 1.62oz.
Calories: 140 per serving
Calories from Fat: 50 per serving
Fat: 8%, 5g
  Saturated Fat: 8%, 1.5g
  Trans Fat: 0g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15mg
Sodium: 11%, 270mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 7%, 21g
Fiber: 2%, <1g
Sugar: 9g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 POINTS

Eggo says: Start your day at the top with Eggo Bake Shop™ Chocolate Chip Mini Muffin Tops. They’re a sweet chocolatey treat that toasts up golden brown in a jiffy, so you can grab them on the go!

Abi says: Some folks out there detest Eggo Waffles. I think Eggos have a time and a place. Sure, I generally prefer a waffle with larger butter pockets, but I’ll happily consume a couple of Eggo waffles for breakfast. I’m telling you this so you know where I’m coming from on these “mini muffins.”

First thought: “Wow, when did I become dumb enough to buy something like this?” Sure, I didn’t get perfect scores on my SATs (which now that I think about it were half my lifetime ago, OMG), but I should know better than to purchase a non-waffle product from the Eggo people. These things are supposed to be “muffin tops” but they look like undercooked pancakes.

Second thought: “These are not chocolate chips!” They did not look like chocolate and resembled smithereens, not chips. If Eggo Mini “Muffin Tops” were made of diamonds, then we would say that they were chips. If they were made of potatoes we would say that the chocolate was crumbs. The size of a ‘chip’ is all relative:

These are not diamonds, they are chocolate. Someone please get the Eggo people a size chart.*

Third thought: “How long do I cook this thing for, anyways?” Fortunately for me, Eggo has included a helpful set of instructions and a chart. And bolding – because the world is going to end if you try to heat more then ONE set of “muffin tops” at a time.

(These directions apply to heating ONE set of four Mini Muffin Tops)

1. Remove ONE set of four Mini Muffins Tops from plastic wrap.
2. Place product on microwave-safe plate.
3. Microwave for time intervals shown for the various power settings as shown on the chart.
4. Microwave ovens vary in their heating properties. Heating times shown are approximate.

My microwave is tiny and weak, so I cooked these guys for 14 seconds. The result was a piping hot disc of interconnected rubbery dough dollops with the occasional renegade ice crystal. Have you ever reheated a pancake in the microwave? Yes? Then you know what I speak of when I say rubbery. On one hand I wonder if the problem is that I microwaved something that was probably meant to be toasted. On the other hand, why put microwave instructions on something that you’re not supposed to microwave? On the third hand, do you ever toast muffins? If I’m after a hot muffin I just put it in the microwave for a few seconds. I don’t try toasting it. Toasting a muffin in anything other than a toaster oven (and even in one of those) is pretty much the same as saying ‘Hey fate, howabout setting my kitchen on fire this morning?’

In the end I was left with three more ‘chocolatey’ mini muffin top sets that not even my husband would eat. And he eats burnt cookies.

*Yes, mini chocolate chips are smaller than regular chocolate chips, but these things aren’t even the size of mini chocolate chips.

Ingredients: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), water, sugar, vegetable oil (soybean oil, palm oil, and palm kernel oil with TBHQ and citric acid for freshness), eggs, semisweet chocolate (sugar, chocolate, cocoa butter, dextrose, chocolate processed with alkali, soy lecithin, artificial flavor), leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, sodium acid pyrophosphate, monocalcium phosphate), contains two percent or less of salt, calcium carbonate, natural and artificial flavor, whey, cornstarch, confectioner’s glaze, soy lecithin, vitamin A palmitate, niacinamide, reduced iron, pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), thiamin hydrochloride (vitamin B1), riboflavin (vitamin B2), Vitamin B12.

Price: $2.19 – $2.50 coupon = -31¢
Serving: 8.6 oz.
Calories: 260 per serving
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 15%, 45mg
Sodium: 23%, 560mg
Protein: 18g
Carbohydrates: 11%, 32g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 POINTS

Healthy Choice says:Nice cuts of chicken tenderloin in a smoky cheddar cheese sauce with bacon served over beautiful brown rice and a side of vegetable medley make this dish worth 28 grams of whole grains. Ingredients you need to eat well & live a Balanced and Healthy Life!

Daria says: As far as Healthy Choice meals go, Bacon and Smokey Cheddar Chicken is a winner. I’m not sure that’s saying much, considering some of the atrocities Healthy Choice has brought us in the past. Or considering that my favorite frozen meals are Smart Ones broccoli and cheese potatoes and Santa Fe Rice and Beans? I am a fan of Teh Cheese, in any form.

This meal consisted of several large chunks of white-meat chicken, a wild-rice mix, and a few firm, tiny bacon bits, all smothered in a cheese sauce redolent of Liquid Smoke, with a side of mixed broccoli and cauliflower. If you use your imagination, you might consider how good this dish would be with a buttery homemade sauce of cheddar and smoked Gouda, big chunks of just-cooked crisp bacon, and slowly braised, skin-on, bone-in chicken breasts. It would be even better served over roasted potatoes! But, alas, that meal would not be a Healthy Choice, unless your cholesterol was somehow dangerously low.

Since I have to eat the real meal and not the one in my imagination, I’ll note that the rice is perfect – each grain is separate but tender without being chewy or sticky. The broccoli and cauliflower on the side were even better stirred into this meal. The chicken was very flavorful and smoky (no E, thank you), and just a tiny bit too dry. It was not pressed together as in some other frozen dinners, but real pieces of chicken. What pleasant surprise! The bacon bits were a bit firm, but gave just the right amount of bacon-ness to the meal without being annoying. They were there for appearances, since Old Smokey, or Natural Smoke Flavor, was present in the cheese sauce.

It is always depressing to look at the ingredient list for a meal like this. If I were making it, it would consist of: chicken, rice, wild rice, broccoli, cauliflower, cheese sauce (milk, cheddar, smoked Gouda, butter, flour), bacon. Instead, it looks like something someone made with a chemistry set (as does anything preprocessed; the food is actually created in a lab, not a kitchen), and reminds me why I have been buying fewer such meals of late. Still, as far as excessively salty chem-lab creations go, this one was pretty tasty. I would buy it again, especially if I got paid to do so. Just don’t ask the guy behind me in line at the grocery store whether I should use so many coupons.

The February edition of Consumer Reports (which I haven’t yet received – we’re still on the January one – cell phones – yawn) includes ratings of 24 microwavable diet meals. The items that got some of the top scores for tasting good and containing 600 milligrams or less of sodium include:

• Kashi Chicken Florentine – we rate it 4 stars
• Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers Roasted Beef Merlot (review of non-steamer Healthy Choice Beef Merlot) – we rate is 3 stars
• Lean Cuisine Cafe Classics Steak Tips Portabello
• Lean Cuisine One Dish Favorites Santa Fe-Style Rice and Beans – Jay rated it 3 stars, personally I think this is a 4 star item.
• Kashi Black Bean Mango – we rate it 3-4 stars depending on your health preferences
• Kashi Garden Vegetable Pasta
• Healthy Choice All Natural Entrees Portabello Spinach Parmesan (the product and packaging have changed since the test) – WHOA, this gets just 1 star from us.
• Lean Cuisine Cafe Classics Shrimp Alfredo – we haven’t reviewed this, but Lean Cuisine’s Shrimp and Angel Hair Pasta gets a whopping zero stars. Heat Eat Review does not have a good track record with most fish-containing frozen meals.

One year ago: Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers General Tso’s Spicy Chicken
Two years ago: Lean Cuisine Chicken Tuscan Panini
Three years ago: Lean Cuisine Dinnertime Selects Salisbury Steak