Thus far at Heat Eat Review we’ve only published two video reviews:

• Video Review of Kid Cuisine Deep Sea Adventure Fish Sticks
• Video Review of Lunchables Tacos

Two is not nearly enough video reviews to satisfy Heat Eat Review’s ravenous public. So if you really need video reviews right now, head over to Freezerburns, hosted by Gregory Ng, who is also an Elvis Impersonator.

His most recent review is something you won’t find on Heat Eat Review anytime soon: frozen whipped topping.

And he’s found BUNdinos and Chili Mac, two items that my local supermarkets refuse to carry. Greg also has a channel on Blip.tv, so enjoy!

Price: $3.49
Serving: 1/2 Panini, 3.75oz
Calories: 220 per serving
  Calories from Fat: 60
Fat: 11%, 7g
  Saturated Fat: 13%, 2.5g
  Trans Fat: 0g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 24%, 580mg
Protein: 12g
Carbohydrates: 9%, 27g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Hot Pockets says: Now you can enjoy a delicious Panini sandwich at home for lunch or dinner anytime. Our bakers have created a special grilled focaccia bread made with olive oil and herbs that warms perfectly in the microwave every time. Crispy on the outside, tender on the inside, our artisan bread wraps around premium meat and delicious cheese for a great tasting sandwich in minutes.

Abi says: I put off eating this Hot Pocket Panini for a long time. For one, there is a panini-making sandwich place in my office complex. And I can get a paninied cheese sandwich, a can of soda and a bag of chips for $4.99 there. And these aren’t those tiny chips either. These are the full size chips. And they have fancy ones like Kettle Chips Sweet Onion and those gross Pop Chips that are like styrofoam, but healthy. And astringent.

But then I got an email belittling my panini commercial:

Subject: Hot Pockets - Panini tele commercials.

In summary: “Panninis” is not a word, it would be like saying, “I want to order a bowl of soups” Panini is alreay plural. A panino is singular.

I work hard enough. When I am watching mindless television - it really annoys me that someone spent the $$$ on an ad that isn’t event accurate. I change the channel. I do not buy the product.

If someone is going to spend the money - do it correctly - such ignorance is abundant in this world - tell the researchers to do their damn homework - what else are they getting paid for?

Do the job right - you’ve actually NON-SOLD the PRODUCT!!!!

Website: of course I’ll help you with your demographic

Allow me to further non-sell the product.

Hot Pockets Bruschetta Chicken Panino seems like a decent idea. Unlike Lean Cuisine Panini and Healthy Choice Panini, this panino is actually pre-grilled, so all you’re doing is heating it thoroughly within the crisping sleeve. The major downside of this meal is that there are two servings, but there’s just one crisping sleeve. This means that you either need to make both servings at once (double all of the nutritional information above) or be willing to heat one of the servings without a sleeve.

Each half (full serving) is hefty and coming out of the microwave, they smell good and they have not leaked out fillings, all definite pluses. And then there is the actual eating part. The eating part is not so great. Sure, the crust is crispy and the fillings are discernible as chicken chunks, tomato pieces and herbs. But I didn’t taste any of those things. Instead, I was overwhelmed by the uh, overwhelming taste and scent of basil-infused olive oil. Oh my gosh, I have never experienced so much concentrated basil flavor. And this wasn’t a ‘Oooh, this pesto pasta has an excellent basil-ness to it.’ No, this was ‘Uh, I can’t taste anything because every sense has been disrupted by this crazy basil-ness.’ I could not taste chicken or cheese or crust or any other herbs. Just basil, basil, basil. It was like sitting next to a hippie who’d traded in patchouli for basil.

Basil alone is not an acceptable meal flavor, anything in too severe a quantity is off-putting, but this was just out of control. I ate about six bites of one of the panino halves before tossing this item. And then I spent the rest of the work day apologizing to my coworkers because we couldn’t get the scent of basil oil out of the office.

Price: $3.99
Serving: 1 Pocket, 4.5oz.
Calories: 180 per serving
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 22%, 520mg
Protein: 11g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 23g
Fiber: 2%, <1g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points

Amy’s Kitchen says: Amy’s grandma (Nonny) eats scrambled tofu and toast for breakfast every morning. To make the tofu look good and taste great, she adds golden turmeric and bits of sautéed organic vegetables…onions, shiitake mushrooms and sweet peppers. Our whole family enjoys this dish so much that we figured our customers would too. In order to make it convenient and easy to eat, we’ve used the tofu scramble as a filling for a new pocket sandwich. Now all Amy’s grandma has to do is pop a Tofu Scramble Pocket Sandwich into her toaster oven.

Mimi says: Wait, hold on a second. Maybe it’s because I’m not a Californian, but I’ve never heard of a tofu-eating granny. My grandma made roast beef every Sunday and woe to me if I did not revel in her omelets.

Amy’s product descriptions always make me laugh. Is there never a time when they just sat down and went “Hmm…the numbers are showing positive sales with our breakfast pocket line, let’s expand it.” ?

So, Amy’s Tofu Scramble Pocket Sandwich. This puppy is the same size as her feta pocket, but without cheese it’s a whole lot leaner. Again like her feta pocket, it’s simple to make—just pop it in the microwave for 2 minutes. Within seconds my dorm room took on the pleasant aroma of home-cooked breakfast.

Upon first bite, I encountered a terrific surprise. It tastes like egg! I’m a tofu novice, and even though I’ve heard tofu can be made to taste like anything, I never quite believed it. This scrambled tofu, however, perfectly mimics eggs for taste and texture. The peppers and mushrooms are not super strong, but complement the flavor nicely. The taste has more of a tang than I expected, as Amy’s foods can be a little bland sometimes.

Then, all too soon, it was over. That would be my one complaint. At 180 calories, it’s not a caloric spleen-buster, but it still felt on the small side for what was supposed to be a fairly balanced breakfast. I would at minimum need some fruit to feel satisfied from this meal. Though 520 milligrams of sodium isn’t huge for frozen food, it still feels like it should be lower for the amount of food I put in my gullet. I rarely even count sodium, but this thought made me notice it.

Overall though, Amy’s Tofu Scramble is a healthy little pocket. No saturated fat is a huge plus, not to mention just 6 grams of the regular stuff. Virtually no sugar and 11 grams of protein are a good mix. The pocket also knocks off 20% of the recommended Vitamin C intake. More fiber would have been nice, but I guess that is what the fruit I ate afterwards was for. Ignore the price, as I bought it at my school’s overpriced minimart.

Amy’s Kitchen Tofu Scramble in a Pocket Sandwich falls short of breakfast perfection, but it offers up a good main dish for days when you grave a bit of pepper and egg but can’t get to a skillet. Just be sure to bring along an apple.

Oh man! I’m gone for a few days with a head cold and suddenly people in the comments section (for a breakfast sandwich!) start talking about love slaves? Sheesh.

We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled reviews (Banquet Pot Pie for Wednesday and an Amy’s Kitchen Tofu Pocket for Friday) in the next hour.