Joe Greene was a part of the Pittsburgh Steelers team that won 4 Superbowls in the 1970’s. Do Hungry-Man meals have special performance-enhancing properties?

Or not. It looks like the kid was the only one who actually took a bite of the meal.

Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Serving: 9 oz.
Calories: 240 per serving
Fat: 5%, 3.5g
Cholesterol: 11%, 30mg
Sodium: 21%, 490mg
Protein: 9g
Carbohydrates: 11%, 34g
Fiber: 0%, 0g
Sugar: 14g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Smart Ones says: White meat chicken with diced mangoes in a honey barbeque sauce and orzo pasta

Abi says: Barbeque means at least one of three things:

1. Sweet, smoky, savory sauce slathered on meats.
2. A cooking method that involves the outdoors and a grill.
3. A type of party that involves definition 2 and probably definition 1, too.

In an earlier review of Smart Ones Honey Mango Chicken, Chavi noted that there was nary a hint of barbecue sauce or flavor to be found. She’s right, the only thing that could possibly be ‘Barbeque’ about this chicken is the cooking method, but there aren’t any grill marks on the chicken. Instead, each piece is marked with the light brown sautee marks that imply items cooked on a flat surface or the application of caramel coloring. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t barbeque either.

The product description on this item should actually read:

Browned cubes of white meat chicken that you might think are whole pieces of chicken and not that weird chopped up and recombined stuff, but you don’t know because why would we say that on the front of a box, bathing in a mango sauce that resembles the offspring of canned mango cubes and gelatin and displays neither a hint of barbecue nor honey. This mediocre chicken is paired with some pasta combined with chopped frozen spinach and two pieces of an orange vegetable that cold be either a bell pepper or carrot, but it doesn’t matter which vegetable it is because it doesn’t taste lika anything except for salty-yet-unseasoned frozen spinach that’s been reheated in the microwave.

This isn’t a bad meal. But it isn’t great either.

Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Serving: 10 oz.
Calories: 340 per serving
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 31%, 740mg
Protein: 11g
Carbohydrates: 19%, 57g
Fiber: 34%, 8g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Eating Right says: Indian-style vegetables, spices, and basmati rice in a flavorful masala sauce.

Alex says: This review comes with a bit of back-story. Let it be known that I am a huge fan of Amy’s Mattar Paneer. Imagine my shock and glee when I found a four-pack of Amy’s Palak Paneer and Mattar Paneer meals at Costco for a mere ten dollars. Cut to later that day when I come across this meal at Safeway. I thought it was my lucky day! Not only had I found a cheap source for some of my favorite frozen food, but I had also found a potential, economic alternative (sort of) for when Costco eventually stopped carrying them.

Later, I pulled out the meal to cook it and perused the ingredients list, seeing how it compares to Amy’s. The list looked dauntingly long at first, but closer inspection revealed that the ingredients are mostly spices, and that there’s nothing terribly questionable inside. My hopes soared further!

Boy, were those hopes crushed, stomped upon, and totally broken quickly enough. As I pulled back the sheath of plastic that covered the top, I unearthed some of the grossest looking food I’ve seen in a while. I can only describe it as pasty, an adjective that conjures up images of wallpaper paste, library paste, and the paste that kindergarteners consider highly appetizing, and worse yet, it was dried and crusty in some parts.

The meal consists of chana masala (garbanzo beans in a spicy sauce), cumin-studded “basmati” rice, and some kind of unidentifiable cannellini bean (Cannellini bean?! Come on.) product in a similarly spicy sauce that I’m pretty sure was supposed to be different from the chana masala. The chana masala was mostly that pasty sauce with fewer garbanzo beans than I expected. Sadly, all I could really taste was cinnamon, cinnamon, and more cinnamon. It way overpowered the rest of the myriad spices in the sauce/paste. The rice, though topped with cumin seeds and mysterious carrot pieces, only disappointed further. Other companies have figured out how to make rice for the freezer, but not Safeway (who makes all their products). This rice was overly bland and oddly watery and certainly didn’t have the wonderful aromatic qualities that real basmati rice has. The cumin helped a bit, but it was a lost cause. The carrots had a texture unlike any I’ve ever encountered in a frozen meal, floating somewhere between crunchy and soggy and not in a good way. The mysterious cannellini beans had little flavor to them except a mild heat.

Overall, this meal proved to be one of the saddest and most disappointing frozen food experiences I’ve had in a long time. Maybe it was the fact that it was crappy, or maybe it was my poor, shattered hopes begging me not to torture them further, but I could only manage a few bites of strange bean paste and watery rice. Instead, I heated up my second Amy’s Mattar Paneer and reminded my taste buds that there is worthwhile frozen Indian food out there.

Price: $4.19
Serving: 1 package, 10.3oz.
Servings per box: 1
Calories: 360
Fat: 25%, 16g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 33%, 780mg
Protein: 10g
Carbohydrates: 15%, 45g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
Sugar: 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 Points

Amy’s says: Corn masa tamale filled with Monterey jack cheese and Anaheim chilies. Topped with an authentic verde sauce of organic tomatillos. Spanish rice made with organic brown rice and tender black beans are served on the side. Gluten free.

Abi says: I’ve been eating a lot of small meals throughout the day. Oh, just kidding. I’ve been eating a lot of almonds throughout the day, so many almonds that I think I actually got sick from them yesterday. You see, I discovered some local lightly roasted (baked, not fried) almonds at my nearby natural foods store and I figured that I’d start bringing a million and one little snacks with me to the office and just snack throughout the day rather than eating a big lunch time meal. Because big lunch time meal = nap and I no longer work at home.

This tamal from Amy’s definitely fits into that filling-yet-not-stuffed category. For one, it is much flatter than the image on the box, something I don’t understand because Amy’s seems to have a really compressed supply chain where marketing folks shouldn’t dictate reality. Alas, this tamal is not super cheesy, featuring about half the filling shown in the photo.

On the plus side, the flavors in the tamal are mild and fresh, with a fluffy masa that’s significantly better than the stuff in Trader Joe’s tamales. There’s a tiny bit of heat (spice, not temperature), but nothing that’ll send a midwestern farm boy running for the water pump. The tomatillo salsa isn’t overpowering like a lot of red salsas, so it adds a great color element (definitely some Biggie influence showing through here) while providing balance to bites of earthy masa and rich cheese.

The rice was definitely heavier and had a ‘tomatoes from the can’ taste to it, something that is common in Spanish-style rices and causes me to avoid them whenever possible. I’d like to trade half of the rice for some Wahoo’s spicy white beans (so freaking good!) and add a brownie. With those changes (okay, just the beans, no brownie) then this meal would be a five star choice any day.