Price: $4.19
Serving: 1 meal, 4.9 oz.
Calories: 330
Fat: 20%, 13g
Cholesterol: 18%, 55mg
Sodium: 30%, 720mg
Protein: 23g
Carbs: 10%, 31g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
WW Points: 7 Points

conditional*

Oscar Mayer says: Experience a sandwich that has all the warmth, flavor and fresh baked taste you look forward to, without having to go out. In no time at all, you can create a lunch for one, served with soft warm flatbread, premium cuts of meat, specialty sauces and natural cheeses, all individually wrapped for freshness. It is the hot and melty moment you deserve.

Ingredients listed on front of package: Flatbread; grilled chicken breast strips with ribbed meat – cured; shredded Italian-style three cheese blend of 2% milk reduced fat natural mozzarella cheese, 2% milk reduced fat provolone cheese, Parmesan Cheese; sun-dried tomato sauce.

Adina says: In a move towards full disclosure, I’d like to state that I received this meal free from Oscar Mayer. It is a good thing too, because there is a zero percent chance I would buy this on my own. The reason is three fold: (1) because it is essentially a sandwich in a box, which I do not consider a big whoop de doo; (2) because there are no noodles in said sandwich; and (3) because it is Oscar Mayer and unless this sandwich features a giant hot dog that sings that wiener song on command, I am just not that interested.

I have to say, this review is causing me a lot of grief. On one hand, I really enjoyed this sandwich. The chicken was very tender, which I think is directly related to the fact that this meal is refrigerated and not frozen. It tasted like I had lightly grilled a chicken breast and then cut it up and put it in a sandwich. This makes me chuckle because I would never lightly grill anything. Deep fry? yes. Bake in a pound of butter? Uh yes. But lightly grill? That is just not a phrase I have ever heard myself say out loud. Without shaking my head and laughing.

The flatbread was chewy and warm and better than most bread I have encountered on sandwiches. It might have been my favorite part of the meal. No way, I take that back. The cheese was my favorite part. Apart from the fact that it is cheese (and who doesn’t worship cheese in a slightly idolatrous way?), it just had this really natural, smooth feel to it. It was subtle, the kind of cheese that you notice from across the room – drinking a martini with olives, wearing a sleek black dress, looking effortlessly lovely and approachable, but in an unapproachable way. I want to date this cheese. I want to take this cheese home to my mother, marry this cheese, make this cheese the happiest cheese in the world.

The least desirable part of the actual meal was the dressing. It tasted like what I would imagine salad dressing to taste like if you decided to microwave salad dressing. Salad dressing tends to be over the top taste wise, as if Paul Newman knows that the only thing separating your salad from a field of grass is his magic sauce. And this sauce felt that way, as if it was acknowledging the fact that you were about to eat a fairly plain meal that can only be saved by being punched in the face with a fistful of sun-dried tomatoes. If you decide to eat this meal, you might to consider just putting a tad of the sauce on the sandwich and then toss the rest of the sauce with some lettuce. Or else use it to buff the exterior of your car.

Overall, this meal was definitely 4 stars taste-wise. One of the things keeping me from giving it 4 stars is what this meal weighs in at: 4.9 ounces and 330 calories. Most of the microwave meals I eat range from 8 ounces to 11 ounces. So, this makes this meal possibly the smallest lunch I have ever eaten for Heat Eat Review. And it packs quite a bit of caloric intake considering how small it is. I imagine I could have eaten a candy bar that had similar stats but was, you know, chocolate.

The other thing is that it is $4.19 on non-sale. That means you are almost paying a dollar an ounce. It seems reasonable to ask for that or even more when you are selling smack or baby food, but not when you’re selling some chicken and cheese and hot salad dressing.

*So I am giving this a conditional rating: 3 stars if you buy it full price and it is the only thing you eat for lunch, and 4 stars if you buy it on sale and pair it with a salad that you brought from home. And then you get 4 stars too for eating salad, more power to you.

Price: $2.31 + tax
Serving: 6 1/8 oz.
Calories: 310
Fat: 15%, 9g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 29%, 700mg
Protein: 16g
Carbohydrates: 15%, 44g
Sugar: 7g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Lean Cuisine says: Crunchy French bread topped with a flavorful tomato sauce accented with basil, garlic and onion. Topped with mozzarella cheese, savory Italian sausage, zesty pepperoni, mushrooms, and red and green bell peppers.

Becky says: I will fully admit that pizza ranks very highly on my list of favorite foods, right behind sushi. And when I realized that I haven’t bought this Lean Cuisine before, I was a bit taken aback. A pizza I haven’t tried?!

I get a little nervous about putting French bread in the microwave – it has a tendency to overcook into a rubbery dough brick very easily. However, I was surprised this time – the entire thing was cooked perfectly – crunchy (but not TOO crunchy) on the outside, and soft on the inside. The sauce was a surprise, too – a nice hearty tomato sauce, not sweet at all. And there was lots of it! That made me happy.

The actual toppings left a little to be desired, though. I had a hard time with the fact that there was one bite of the pizza that had cheese on it, and the veggies were pretty much non-existent (I saw green pepper, but had no idea that mushrooms were even there until I saw it on the box when I went to type this!) The sausage and pepperoni were plentiful, though – was glad to see that!

Will I get this again? Definitely – although it’s not superb, it is the best microwavable ‘healthy’ pizza I’ve found so far!

Price: $3.99
Serving: 1 tart, 3.3oz.
Calories: 300
Fat: 20%, 13g
Cholesterol: 38%, 115mg
Sodium: 3%, 70mg
Protein: 4g
Carbs: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 2%, <1g
Sugar: 30g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points each

Trader Joe says: Refreshingly tart lemon filling in a flaky buttery crust. Simply defrost and serve Trader Joe’s Lemon Tartes, or decorate with berries and whipped cream. These tartes are the ideal pastry to serve at the end of any meal, whether rustic or elegant. If you love the idea of afternoon “high tea,” these treats would be the perfect sweet for that occasion, as well.

Abi says: In the last several months Trader Joe’s has added several fantastic items to the frozen dessert section, including the chocolate croissants and the gluten-free peanut butter cookies. The duds have thus far been limited to the no-prep brownies.

Unfortunately, these Lemon Tartes are joining the Pre-Made Brownies in the hall of Trader Joe’s bad dessert infamy. I look forward to dessert, so I defrosted these tartes in the refrigerator for 6 hours (the package recommends at least 4 hours of defrosting) and shortly after dinner plated them with no accoutrements. Yes, the photo on the box shows a dollop of whipped cream, but a bit of sweet dairy wasn’t going to counteract the ‘meh’ of these desserts.

These lemon tartes feature tart lemon filing, bursting with bright yellow flavor, but each bite is also accompanied by bland, dense pastry. After a few forkfuls of POW-ZAP followed by ‘ugh’ of pastry. I tried to eat a bit of the lemon filling on its own. At that point I realized that lemon filling by itself is not a delicious dessert, but a component within a delicious dessert. Lemon filling by itself is sort of like torture by citric acid, and this is an opinion coming from a girl who enjoys sour Skittles.

After this experience I’m not sure I’ll be trying any of Trader Joe’s pre-made no-bake pastries. The chocolate croissants and chocolate chip cookies are just way, way too good to go fooling around with these tarts.

Price: $3.19 (Free to me)
Serving: 1
Calories: 320 per serving
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 14g
Carbohydrates: 16%, 48g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 12g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Smart Ones says: Smart Ones Fruit Inspirations meals are delicious new recipes inspired by the natural goodness of fruit. Now you can make every bite count with wonderful dishes that combine the intense flavor of real fruit into your everyday meals of juicy meat or poultry and crisp vegetables. Smart Ones. Taste so good, you want to be good.

Jess says: I recently opted to attend a sales and marketing training held by my company. I was actually glad I went as it was pretty interesting and there were thankfully no Glengarry Glen Ross references. Now, with my new sales maverick skills I can see right through Smart Ones thinly veiled marketing ploy with this line of meals. These are not new frozen meals using fruit in innovative ways but rather they are established fruit-using items. It is not inspirational to add cranberries to turkey and stuffing, nor is it revolutionary to use a citrus sauce for a chicken and rice dish. These items are merely being rebranded so as to now appear new, interesting and different and cause the jaded microwave meal eater to choose this meal from among the large freezer case aisle of sameness.

Does the marketing ploy taint the deliciousness? Not for this meal. The sauce was quite good if you appreciate a good sweet and sour syrupyness to your lunch. This, incidentally, is not Abi, which she will tell you with passion if you mention such food items. I do love sweet and sour flavor blends and so I made sure to get fork fulls of that corn starchy goop with each bite of rice and chicken. The orange essence is definitely palpable here, in a good way. I think that is because they use orange juice concentrate. So if you are not an orange person a) why did you even think about this meal? And b) it does taste like orange, so don’t eat it. However, back to marketing ploys, you will see on the box large orange chunks of what look like juicy mandarin oranges. Not so in real life my friend, at least not in my box. I did sometimes see orange hued strings that could have once belonged to an intact orange but this was just my best guess because of the context clues. The pepper bits were also much much smaller in real life. The chicken pieces were ample. The breading got a little too soggy for my liking, but they tasted just fine.

Overall, Orange Sesame Chicken was pretty filling for a Smart Ones meal. It is pretty much on the same level as Lean Cuisine’s Sweet and Sour Chicken, which I will purchase whenever it is on sale. This meal was entirely worth the nothing I paid for this. Oh that’s right. I’m a deal maker now! Always be closing, readers, always be closing.

[This meal from free from the folks at Smart Ones’ Public Relations company -Ed.]