Price: $3.00
Serving: 1 cookie, 1.28oz.
Calories: 200
Fat: 18%, 12g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 6%, 150mg
Protein: 5g
Carbs: 7%, 20g
Fiber: 5%, 1g
Sugar: 14g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Trader Joe says: Nothing

Abi says: Before I get your hopes up too high, I should point out that these cookies are not as good as the chocolate chip ones. Did you really think that peanut butter cookies (or any sans-chocolate cookie) could win? No, it cannot. Chocolate is always the winner.

The other downside of these cookies is that while they seem all healthy with the ‘Gluten Free’ splashed everywhere, they are actually quite calorieriffic. A 1.28 ounce cookie clocks in at 200 calories. Yowzers. I could eat four, no problem. Which makes it all the more silly that earlier today I pulled a Stouffer’s meatloaf entree out of the freezer and then put it back because it was about 640 calories and seemed like too much food.

Also, the Stouffer’s company was joyous about the fact that there were two meatloaves in the package. If I find a single hamburger filling I probably don’t need two loaves of meat. Yeesh.

Yet I will gladly consume many, many cookies. Mmmmm. Each of these Trader Joe’s peanut butter cookies features the heft of a large clam fresh from the ocean, still filled with the brine of the sea. They are delightfully weighty, meaning that you’re not likely to grab more than two at a time. Well, until you finish those. Then you will get more. The cookies are crumblier than I’d like, which is likely related to their lack of gluten. This means that you’ll need to show care when you eat each cookie, handling them gently lest they turn to sand in too-rough hands.

The peanut butter shines through here with a gentle nuttiness that brings back elementary school sack lunches. The cookies weren’t too salty or too sweet, just simple and balanced.

You can easily make your own gluten free peanut butter cookies and forego this pre-made gluten free cookie dough. But if you’re into convenience (and not into washing dishes) and want the ability to bake just a few cookies at a time, pick up a box the next time you’re at Trader Joe’s.

SRP: $3.33 (free from Smart Ones)
Serving: 1 meal, 9oz.
Calories: 280
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 4%, 10mg
Sodium: 29%, 700mg
Protein: 12g
Carbs: 15%, 44g
Fiber: 22%, 6g
Sugar: 7g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Smart Ones says: Tender bow tie pasta with broccoli florets and julienne-cut carrots in a creamy parmesan sauce

Abi says: Smart Ones sent us some coupons for free meals. I should have known better than to use one of them. Sure, brief look back at my dalliances with Smart Ones meals reveals that there are few items that I enjoyed: Smart Ones Thai Style Chicken and Rice Noodles and Smart Ones Chocolate Chip Muffins. But hey, I like almost all Thai food and muffins. Well, except Thai food with too much basil or muffins with blueberries. Or bananas. Or almond extract, which seems picky but still leaves a lot of muffins.

Uh, yeah. So about that frozen food that I don’t like as much as Thai food or muffins. Smart Ones, do you expect dieters to eat this and be satisfied? The pasta sauce is a big bunch of bland. For as long as I eat diet frozen food (which could easily be the rest of my life because they keep coming out with New! things) I will never understand why companies choose to ship bland items.

If I were on a diet, I’d want every single, little thing I ate to be a party in my mouth. This means flavors. This means spices. This does not mean ‘parmesan’ sauce without a detectable hint of cheese. A soon-to-be dietician friend and I were talking the other day and she was just flabbergasted at the way people try to diet and lose weight without flavors. Eating bland food won’t make you want less food, folks; it will just make you want tasty food. And those spices that make a difference in satiety? They don’t have calories. Its a miracle!

Resting in that bed of ‘parmesan’ sauce (which cooked up quite simply and beautifully, getting my hopes way to high) is the pasta. Bow tie pasta is a nice pasta to eat because it is easy to stab with a fork and the folds of the bow ties hold sauce well. If the sauce had been good I’d probably be raving about the pasta, but the sauce was not good, so all I can do now is wonder why they don’t just make the pasta out of whole wheat.

And the vegetables. Oh, vegetables. For me, ‘Primavera’ means one of two things: lots of vegetables or a bunch of naked women (okay, women draped in diaphanous silks) parading about in the forest and/or being kidnapped by Zephyr and then turning into some plants. This meal lacks vegetables, nudity, Federal offenses and metamorphoses, earning it an enormous FAIL.

Okay, so if it actually had nudity I’d be a bit freaked out., but still where are the vegetables? All I could find were the stalk parts of broccoli. Yes, the lame parts of the broccoli. If the front of the box says that your meal contains broccoli florets, then it is in your best interest to include the actual flower-like part of the broccoli. I felt like the frozen food world was playing a joke on me. And maybe it was playing a joke on me. When I went to read the back of the box to record the information for this review I found not one, but two typos:

How this meal escaped into the wild I’ll never know, but if Smart Ones took it back to the lab and added real broccoli florets and seasoning (cheese and garlic) then it could be four star material. Until then I will just be content in the fact that I don’t have any more coupons for free Smart Ones meals on hand.

Price: $4.00
Serving: 1/2 package, 5oz.
Calories: 210
Fat: 22%, 14g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 19%, 470mg
Protein: 3g
Carbohydrates: 6%, 19g
Fiber: 11%, 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 per Serving

Deep Foods says: Mixed Vegetables sauteed and seasoned in authentic Indian style. Vegetarian Delight.

Jess says: When it comes to microwave food, I’ve been around the block a few times. I know the staples, the Stouffers and Lean Cuisines of this world. And I know about the niche markets of vegan delights and celebrity named frozen food brands. I have explored the freezer cases of many a supermarket, organic market and convenience store. So it is with great pleasure that I embark on new territory. Oh to be the Leif Erickson of this flash frozen new world! It is an honor, ney, a privilege. To find this Undhiu Indian food brand was a special treat because, damn, I love Indian food. The things Indian chefs can do with mere peas! Peas! Bring it on, I say.

It was only when I opened this box that I realized there was no rice in this meal. What a let down. No matter how tastily compiled your Indian fare maybe, you need that starchy rice goodness to sop up all the liquid and expand in your hungry stomach. Otherwise you have less of a meal and more of a spicy soupy appetizer. So I left the meal to thaw and picked up some basmati rice, naan and stuffed grape leaves at this foodery of unknown ethnic allegiance down the street. They mix Indian, Mediterranean and American all over their menu, but they are cheap and delicious so I don’t ask too many questions.

Back at the office, and now super hungry, I fell into a trance staring at the microwave and took in the sweet, spicy smells of this meal coming to life. True to smell, the taste was nothing short of kick ass. It’s on the sweeter nutmegish side with a good helping of veggies. And what is that tender burst of goodness my mouth encountered? A sweet potato! Well, hello beautiful. With the rice and naan, the portion was mighty and managed to be enough for a second lunch the next day. Each day I found myself to be the happiest of the desk-enslaved.

So now, Internet, I’m torn. How does one rate a truly delicious meal that is not a self contained entity, but merely a key ingredient to the final product? I think I still have to give it 3 stars. With the rice and naan, I spent over $8 on this meal which is A LOT for microwave food. It did last 2 days, though, which puts it at $4 a meal which isn’t too bad. But then there is the cost of doing so much extra work to get the final product together. Once I got to the eatery I just could have bought their food, which I like to pretend is fresh, and would have been done with the whole fiasco of lunching. Let us remember that the idea of microwave food is the convenience. Still, I would recommend that you try this brand if you stumble on it. Just remember to have some rice on hand.

Ingredients: Potatoes, Eggplant, Green Beans, Pigeon Peas, Corn Oil, Bell Peppers, Sweet Potatoes, Lima Beans, Tomatoes, Plantain, Spinach, Chickpeas, Sugar, Coconut, Coriander, Salt, Spices, Peppers, Sesame Seeds, Wheat Flour, Rye, Turmeric and Citric Acid.

[If you’re into Trader Joe’s products, we recommend the microwavable rice (it comes in boxes) and the frozen naan. Amy adores Trader Joe’s Garlic Naan. -Ed.]

Price: $4.19 (full price :()
Serving: 1 sandwich, 2oz.
Calories: 210
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 10%, 230mg
Protein: 19g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 10g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Smuckers says: Smuckers has discovered a new way to seal its homemade goodness into a delicious PB & Honey sandwich. The secret is there’s no crust so kids love ‘em!

Abi says: Every time I visit Seattle, my college town, I spend a morning at Pike Place Market and am instantly distracted by the food. I gorge on miniature doughnuts still hot from the fryer and tossed with cinnamon and sugar. I accept slices of fresh pear, dripping juice and proffered from the tip of a sharp knife. I taste honey categorized by flowering plant, featuring the names Fireweed, Clover, Lavender and Alfalfa, offered upon wooden stir sticks.

It was the honey that did me in. Given a cracker topped with a bit of fresh cheese, I bit in with pleasure. “Wait!” said the farmer, before I could take a second bite. She drizzled the rest of the cheese with honey and I just about died right there in downtown Seattle.

Back in California I started trying everything honey. Honey and cheese (still freaking amazing), honey lattes (not that great), honey-caramel corn (okay) and Peanut Butter and Honey Uncrustables (not actually made with honey. Okay, made with a little bit of honey, but probably not enough honey to convince my mom that it is anything but the devil).

I was excited about trying these because they are made with whole wheat bread and I have been nothing if not brainwashed by my hippie forebears. The thought of Wonderbread makes me gag. Though, the thought of a freshly baked loaf of white bread makes me wonder if anyone has some butter and jam. The wheat bread used by Smuckers really just highlights the fact that white bread is also made of wheat and that adding caramel color is a weird way to hide a lack of fiber.

The peanut butter inside the ubersoft bread pocket was creamy, nutty and just about everything that non-all-natural non-chunky (see, smooth) peanut butter should aspire to be. The honey was utter weirdness. For one, there is a lot of it. I don’t know about you, but when I make a peanut butter and honey sandwich, I do not make it with a 1:1 ratio of peanut butter to honey. No, I prefer at least twice as much peanut butter as honey or jam, perhaps even a 3:1 ratio of nut butter to sweet. The other scary thing about the honey spread? Well, it didn’t really taste like honey. It just tasted like goo, a sensation that made me take a look at the ingredients, which are below:

1. Corn Syrup
2. High Fructose Corn Syrup
3. Water
4. Honey
5. Pectin
6. Natural Flavor
7. Citric Acid
8. Potassium Sorbate
9. Caramel Color
10. Calcium Chloride

I think the United States is the only country were the labeling laws are so lax that this can be called ‘Honey Spread’. Aren’t the actual ingredients in honey something like “Pollen and bee spit/vomit”?

Yet, as horrifying as I found the possibility of eating a pocket of peanut butter and (mostly) fake, non-bee-spit honey, I ate/used all of these. You see, they are perfect for two things:

1. Travelling across the country
2. Giving to homeless people

On a trip to Austin I consumed one pocket on the train and one on the plane. I did not pay $17 for a suspect sandwich from American Airlines (though I did fly in a seat just in front of the enormous aircraft engines and spent most of my flight thinking about the first episode of Lost and that guy who walks in front of the engine and well, you know.) While walking through downtown Palo Alto I provided some homeless lady with a snack. If I’m on my way to a meeting or meeting up with some folks I don’t have to take the time to purchase a sandwich for someone who needs medication just as much as food, I can just carry one around. And therein lies the utility of the Uncrustable.