Price: $3.29
Serving: 1 eclair, 2oz.
Calories: 140
Fat: 6%, 4g
Sodium: 7%, 180mg
Protein: 3g
Carbs: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 5%, 1g

Smart Ones says: Chocolate lovers can enjoy this classic French dessert

Abi says: These eclairs were consumed during the BCS Championship. After approximately 14 points had been scored (4 minutes and 29 seconds into the game), George gave me one of those pleading, starving boyfriend looks and asked if we had any desserts in the house.

As though I am the keeper of desserts.

I informed him that a couple of eclairs were defrosting on the counter. Okay, maybe I am the keeper of desserts. Anyways, these little guys need to be defrosted in the microwave or left out on your counter for an hour. Okay, maybe 45 minutes. I can’t remember the exact amount of time, but at the end of the review you’ll realize that doesn’t matter anymore.

Prior to defrosting the eclair, I had to remove a plastic overwrap. Along with this overwrap I took off about half of the chocolate frosting from one of the eclairs. This minus-chocolate eclair would turn out to be mine. George is a chocolate fiend.

Unfortunately for him, the chocolate coating the top of the eclair turns out to be a grainy mess of psuedo-chocolate flavored ooze. Yes, it is that bad. I felt like I was being punished instead of being treated to a dessert. And this is a diet dessert. I should feel virtuous while eating this. Instead, I just felt dirty.

These desserts also contain very little cream filling. At first I was disappointed, then I realized that the filling is rather bland. Other good words from the thesaurus: flat, flavorless, vanilla. I wish I could say the cream filling was vanilla. One of these chalky, flavorless eclairs is 140 calories and 3 Weight Watchers points. Three freaking points! A Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich is just 2 points. Two points! My friend Kate (who is a Gator) says that the Skinny Cow Ice Cream sandwiches are very good. I trust her. I do not trust people who advocate for the purchase of these eclairs. They are nasty. Who else doesn’t like them? San Antonio’s Nuclear family, that’s who.

If you’re reaching for a diet dessert, stay away from these frozen abominations.

P.S. What kind of lame tagline is that anyways, Smart Ones? “Chocolate lovers can enjoy this classic French dessert”. Oh, we can? Thanks, thanks a lot. I’m sure that the French also enjoy seeing their culture abused in this way.

Stupid fake dessert.

Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Serving: 1 pie, 8 oz.
Calories: 160
Fat: 6%, 4g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 20%, 490mg
Protein: 5g
Carbs: 9%, 27g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
WW Points: 3 Points

Non-dairy/gluten free/no cholesterol

Amy’s Kitchen says: Meatless version of a long time favorite. Organic vegetables in a nourishing broth blanketed with smooth mashed potatoes.

Abi says: This afternoon, Kate asked the following question, which has nothing to do with organic pie, but very well indicates how much Kate follows sport:

“What game are we going to tomorrow, the Pistons?”

FYI, we’re going to a Nationals game tomorrow. The Nationals are a) a baseball team in Washington, DC, and b) not a basketball team in the playoffs.

Ok, so none of that has to do with the Sheperd’s Pie I bought yesterday. Safeway was having a sale of Amy’s pies and Amy (my coworker, not the company’s namesake) and I decided to pick up a few of these tasty treats. I say that having never eaten an Amy’s Pie, though Jess seems to like the Vegetable Pot Pie and Kate enjoys the Tamale Pie.

Now, about the blurb on the box: “A long time favorite of English country folk”

Do people from the English countryside like being called that? It makes them sound like characters from Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail. I grew up in the country (in Oregon) and I would probably have to punch someone if they called me “American country folk”. Except I’m not a violent person, so I would probably scowl at them instead.

Amazingly, this pie does taste like something that people wearing baize and living in thatched huts would eat. It is hearty and potatoey and not really made for eating in the summer (May in DC is as hotter than July in Oregon).

Ooh, and the vegetables stay crisp but it is strange to eat garbanzo beans in a pie. So reader, please eat this pie in the winter while wearing a wooly sweater and gazing out the window at the freshly fallen snow, but don’t call people “country folk”.

P.S. The term “country folk” also reminds me of Deliverance and I’m sure that no company wants people to think about the imagery involved in that while shopping for a frozen meal.