Price: $4.19
Serving: 1 pouch, 3.25oz.
Calories: 70
Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 0%, 0mg
Protein: 5g
Carbohydrates: 4%, 13g
Fiber: 16%, 4g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 Point

Birds Eye says: The bags inside this package are special. Simply place one in your microwave and watch it inflate as it perfectly steams your vegetables right in the bag! Your vegetables retain their natural goodness, crisp texture and fresh taste. Steaming with Birds Eye has never been easier.

Abi says: I bought these peas because I thought it’d be good to branch out from Green Giant’s vegetable monopoly on Heat Eat Review. Also, I was curious as to whether these peas would be better than the 99¢ bags of peas that I usually use. Would I really notice that steaming was better than boiling or microwaving in a bit of water?

Uh, no. These peas are no better than the cheap ones from the bag. They taste just like every other frozen pea product I’ve ever had in my life. Really, this product is just the 100-Calorie Portion version of vegetables. Except that plain vegetables are low calorie in the first place. Have you ever heard of anyone getting fat off of plain sweet peas? Probably not.

Sure, these peas were fine, but they weren’t worth four times the price of regular peas. Also, they didn’t do anything to speed up my couscous-making process. Usually I throw in the peas just before the water boils, giving them time to heat and steam along with the couscous, a process faster than heating the peas separately in the microwave.

“But Abi,” you’re saying “won’t these peas be great for me as a person who work in an office? I can just steam a few at a time!” and to that I say “Get yourself one of those Green Giant vegetable packages. They contain two servings and involve vegetables that you can actually stab with a fork.”

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 cup, 3.5oz.
Servings per Package: 2
Calories: 45
Fat: 3%, 2g
Cholesterol: 2%, 5mg
Sodium: 9%, 220mg
Protein: 1g
Carbohydrates: 2%, 2g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 Point

Green Giant says: Sliced carrots, zucchini quarters and sliced green beans lightly tossed with rosemary butter sauce

Abi says: I’m in Las Vegas right now for the Food Marketing Institute’s annual convention. So far I have attended seminars on food trends and sampled a lot of truly odd items, including an energy drink that contains collagen.

During one session about the latest and greatest items in the processed food world, the speaker highlighted functional foods (also known as Nutraceuticals, which I often confuse with [don’t click on this link ->] Neuticles). She showed images of this item, the Green Giant Healthy Weight Vegetables and the Green Giant Immunity Boost. The last of which I haven’t purchased because peppers will inevitably turn mushy and I don’t feel like heating up a steam bag full of disappointment.

Basically, she talked about how companies are simply combining things that are already good for you and making catchy names. It is slightly different than products like Vitamin Water, which isolate supposedly healthy items and mix them with coloring and sugar.

In this case, Green Giant provides the consumer with thickly sliced carrot coins, still-crisp green beans and mushy, off-putting zucchini, all drenched in a buttery rosemary sauce. A rosemary sauce that features the equivalent of a single leaf of rosemary.

Once again, this is not really enough vegetables for two people, especially when you realize that the zucchini, which makes up a significant portion of the meal, is pretty unfantastic. I’d approximate entire package as having the volume of approximately 1.75 keyboard mice. Mouses. Computer-based pointing devices. The mouse was invented just a few miles from where I live. I am slightly obsessed with it, though I use them rarely.

I am not obsessed with the butter-like sauce, which features a distinctly unnatural viscosity. It turns out that enzyme modified butter is butter that’s been melted, had water added to it and then been treated with an enzyme to release the chemical chains that are holding back the intense butter flavor we all love. The enzyme they use? Streptococcus lactis.

I took a crash course in flavor chemistry because it tastes fake and takes away from the vegetables rather than adding to them. While I enjoy a bit of seasoning, I don’t need my greens greased.

Also, I still have to wear glasses. Way to go, Green Giant.

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 cup, 3oz.
Calories: 50
Fat: 4%, 3g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 4%, 95mg
Protein: 2g
Carbs: 2%, 5g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 per serving

Green Giant says: No sauce, just enough liquid to cook

Abi says: I am currently watching television (hello, jet lag!) and there’s an ad for Axe Deodorant spray. Men, please listen to me: SPRAYING AXE ON YOURSELF IS NOT THE EQUIVALENT OF A SHOWER. I know, you’re thinking “Hey, it kills bacteria. I could just use that instead of taking a shower!” But then you would be wrong. You would be incorrect and odiferous. Nobody needs that.

While Axe Deodorant Spray might be one of the worst items to ever grace the shelves of a supermarket, one of my favorite vegetable finds are these green beans from Green Giant. If you already like green beans and you aren’t allergic to almonds, you should do yourself a favor and keep a couple boxes of these in the freezer.

I know, I know, you’re skeptical about the lack of sauce. I was worried about it too. And then I remembered that I don’t enjoy many of the butter sauces that come on microwaved vegetables. So if you’re addicted to those butter sauces your mileage may differ. I didn’t realize how much I like these until I bought my third package the other day and thought “Hmmm, I should probably review these to let other people know that they’re good.” And then I thought “Or not. Because what if I review them and they become super-popular and suddenly every store runs out of my current-favorite microwave vegetables?” But I don’t think that will be the case.

I followed the package instructions in microwaving the beans, then poured them into a bowl and drained the beans of all excess water. The draining is important. Drain your beans. If you don’t you’ll be quite disappointed and spend the rest of the day thinking to yourself ‘Why didn’t I listen to Abi?’ Once your beans are suitably dry, open up the roasted almonds, top your beans with said almonds and enjoy a bright green, surprisingly tasty side dish.

Do I have complaints about this meal? Of course I do. First, who the heck says that there are 2.5 servings in a package? I’m sick and tired of Green Giant’s slavish adherence to the idea that a serving of vegetables is 50 calories. This is especially funny and/or annoying to me because I would certainly call a single apple or a single grapefruit a serving, but according to the folks at Green Giant an apple would easily be more than one serving. Bah to that.

I appreciate the small package size because it makes the microwaving process fast. I do not appreciate the serving-size foolishness.

My other problem with this dish is the tiny packet of almonds. Why skimp, Green Giant? Okay, so I know why: almonds are expensive and full of calories. And you know what? These calories (in the form of almonds) are freaking delicious. Each almond sliver is a musky bite of smoke, balancing the vegetal green of the beans. More musky smoke, please.

Are these green beans better/cheaper/faster than green beans I can make at home? No. But they do use fewer dishes and I can always have a package in the freezer. You can’t say that about fresh beans.

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 package, 4oz.
Calories: 50
Fat: 1%, 0.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 26%, 280mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 4%, 11g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 Point per Serving

Green Giant says: Sugar snap peas, roasted potatoes, red peppers and garden herbs

Abi says: Over a year ago, my friend and fellow reviewer Jess proposed that we create and publish a frozen vegetable continuum. This chart would inform frozen food companies about the heat and eatability of each member of the vegetable family. If we’d made the chart, perhaps this side dish would have never come to fruition. Not that the folks at Green Giant are actually paying any attention to Heat Eat Review. But you know, if they were and if we did then my lunch would have been much happier.

On that non-existent chart roasted red peppers would appear definitively on the ‘NO’ side. I enjoy a good roasted red pepper in regular life, but in the world of microwaved food the only thing they provide is color. Color and unavoidable sliminess. Fortunately, the red peppers were the least populous part of this side dish, far outnumbered by the potatoes and peas.

The potato portion is perfect for anyone who lacks self control when it comes to tuber consumption. Plus, the seasonings are peppery and piquant and probably other words that also start with p. Sure, the potatoes have the grainy mealiness of frozen and microwaved spuds (there’s a reason why they’re called ‘root cellars’ and not ‘root iceboxes’), but I have to say that they provided me with a full stomach and an opportunity to really taste the seasoning.

Rounding out the triumvirate of not-that-great vegetables were the sugar snap peas. There were not snappy. There were also not sugary. Instead, they were exactly the sort of vegetable that lead small children to avoid anything green until they’re in their 50’s and the threat of prostate cancer looms large.

Green Giant’s Garden Vegetable Medley is the least enjoyable steamed vegetable product I’ve consumed in the last six months. Now I understand why some of you consider ‘enjoyable steamed vegetable product’ an oxymoron. I cannot in good conscience call this two servings of vegetables, but considering that I won’t be buying them again, I’m not too worried about their serving size definitions.

If you’re looking for something healthy to supplement your lunch I suggest you turn to the simple and somewhat Italian-seasoned Simply Steam Carrots and Broccoli instead.