Serving size: 1 Tray, 10 oz
Calories: 280
Total Fat: 6%, 4g
Saturated Fat: 5%, 1g
Trans Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 23%, 550mg
Carbohydrates: 14%, 41g
Dietary Fiber: 16%, 4g
Sugars: 6g
Protein: 36%, 20g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Hormel says: Santa Fe Style Chicken with Rice, Black Beans & Fire Roasted Corn.

Nicole says:

I know that reviews are supposed to be objective, but they are also supposed to be honest. The idea of shelf-stable meats outside of a can (soup, tuna) scares me. I have tried it before, and it was . . . okay . . . but definitely not “good”.

And that was not chicken.

There was initial comfort: when I tried to poke “several slits” in the heavy plastic seal on this meal with my fork, it proved impossible. This is a good seal. I had to use the knife we keep in the office for ice cream cakes.

Note about cooking: the alternative to microwave coking this meal is to simmer it while sealed in a pot of boiling water. I suggest you campers keep this in mind.

The aroma of the cooked meal (90 seconds is a REALLY quick cooking time) was heavy with tomato sauce. And the flavor is very heavy on tomato - it even overpowers the beans, which I expected to taste as the primary but they just peek through the sauce, though they are nicely cooked - firm enough to have texture but not hard - no “mush” there.

The corn has completely taken on tomato flavor, but it has retained it’s crunch. And I know you’re going to ask - yes, it it blackened in spots since it’s “fire roasted”.

The chicken is the thing I really don’t want to think about. In reality, the texture is better than the chalky texture that results from some microwaved frozen meals or the hard edges from others. This is moist, and it tastes like tomato sauce.

The rice is just saucy rice. All ingredients (there are actually two types of beans) are fairly represented throughout the meal, including a couple chunks of stewed tomato.

There is nothing wrong with this meal - the one major complaint would be that all the ingredients have the same flavor, though they distinguish themselves texturally. It’d be nice to taste corn and chicken as well.

But it is more than that. Hormel is going to have to work hard for the average person to conceive realistically of grabbing a plastic tray of chicken and rice off the shelf, heating it for less than two minutes, and consuming it. Maybe it’s not actually different than a can of soup, but we’ve been eating out of cans since people were speaking Aramaic, or nearly that long. I am sure there were cowboys eating out of cans before the Hollywood cowboys did so. We are in a plastic age, but have we advanced mentally far enough for it to preserve all our foods? Kudos to the technology, but I can’t get into it yet. It’ll take several more experiments and a couple more years before it feels “right”.

Or, please just put it in a can. Doubly beneficial, as I know I can recycle a can - this plastic tray is polypropylene, and I’m not sure if my building accepts it. And my stomach will be far more welcoming. Sure, I’ll need to pour it into a dish to cook it, which means there will be dishes to do, but I’d rather dirty dishes than slight nausea throughout lunch.

This isn’t a bad meal. It’s not bland, though it is one-note. It’s reasonably filling for it’s size and caloric content, likely because it has rice and beans and chicken (though also because my stomach shrinks when it’s afraid - sorry.) If you can mentally put aside the packaging and you like simple canned soups, you would most likely enjoy this meal. And it’s sooo healthy compared to even many of your Lean Cuisine meals. I just can’t handle it.

Price: $6.00 (on sale)
Serving: 1/3 pizza, 4.78 oz.
Calories: 360
Fat: 23%, 15g
Cholesterol: 12%, 35mg
Sodium: 33%, 780mg
Protein: 17g
Carbs: 13%, 39g
Fiber: 10%, 2g
Sugar: 8g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 points

Wolfgang Puck says: All natural cheese pizza with mozzarella, fontina and parmesan cheeses

Abi says: If you prefer astringent, watery chopped tomatoes to mellow, slow-cooked pizza sauce, then you’ll like Wolfgang Puck’s All Natural Cheese Pizza.

You’ll enjoy it if you adore pleasantly airy crust topped with light pink tomato water. If you’re also a cheese lover, you’ll be happy because this pizza comes topped with luscious cheese, all floating atop a lake of tart tomato juice.

I am none of those things and I do not prefer this new style of pizza. Biting in to that awful surprise, I realized that I’d have to take drastic measures. I lifted the cheese off of my pizza and scraped out the offending tomato water. This did not make it better. Instead it cooled the cheese into a single unappetizing mass. Left with little recourse, I reheated the pizza under the broiler, resliced it, and resolved to never go near this pizza again.

Price: $2.59
Serving: 1 corn dog, 2.5oz.
Calories: 160
Fat: 5%, 3.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 23%, 560mg
Protein: 9g
Carbs: 7%, 22g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points

Trader Joe says: Low Fat, 4 grams of Soy Protein per Serving

Abi says: Yes, I’m still on the eternal quest for the perfect corn dog. I want something that reminds me of a carnival, complete with funnel cakes, rickety ferris wheels and goldfish that meet unfortunate deaths via ping-pong ball games.

Trader Joe’s meatless version comes nowhere near the actuality of a corn dog. I find this confusing because the meat in corn dogs is so far away from actual animal muscle that I’m surprised it can’t be replicated with vegetable products. I suspect that my Morningstar Sausage-related hypothesis of the need for connective tissue comes into play here as well.

The first problem with these corn dogs is the lack of snap. I know, that sounds disgusting. It is disgusting. And there’s no way to describe ’snap’ better than the resistance a hot dog has to being eaten. Yes, I judge food based on how much it doesn’t want to be consumed. The second problem with these corn dogs is the batter. Even after being baked in a real oven the interior of the cornbread breading was wet rather than fluffy. Considering that I base a large portion of my food judgments on texture it wasn’t surprising that I only took a couple of bites of the corn dog.

The box of three leftover corn dogs then sat in my freezer for a month before I decided to toss them in favor or newer, more exciting frozen items.

I don’t buy fake meats for my own amusement. I buy them because I think there’s a chance they’ll make plausible substitutes for real, less-healthy meats. I buy them hoping that I can lower the amount of fossil fuels used to create my meals (and yet I run this website). And I buy them with the hope that someday cloned, cultured meat will exist and I won’t have to make these choices anymore.

Further information on meat:

1. Hot Dog Reviews at Slate.com
2. Cloned/Cultured meat
3. Reviews of healthy food at the new Nationals stadium

Price: Free from Lean Cuisine
Servings Per Container: 1
Calories: 330
Total Fat: 14%, 8g
Saturated Fat: 16%, 3g
Cholesterol: 8%, 20g
Sodium: 26%, 640g
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 14%, 41g
Dietary Fiber: 17%, 4g
Sugars: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Lean Cuisine says: White meat chicken, tomato, bacon & a ranch sauce in a soft flatbread.

Nicole says: I love bacon. I love it so much that I’ll even use those imitation bacon bits at the salad bar. They still taste “of” bacon, right? The essence of bacon. This flatbread melt has that same essence. And much more.

This must be the most colorful frozen meal I’ve had in weeks. Bright reds, yellows, greens, a light yellow “ranch sauce”. And as with my previous flatbread experience, this thing is herbed. As in, it contains some herbs and spices, and some flavor survived the freezing process. The flavor is the thing here- you can actually tell the ingredients apart by taste - the chicken tastes like chicken, the tomato tastes like tomato.

And the cheese? Well, there are two kinds, (reduced fat) mozzarella and (light pasteurized process) cheddar. The diet cheese is by no means a highlight of this meal, but you can taste it from time to time. I just hate the way it cooks up - light cheese is a very bad, highly uneven melter. Boo.

The flatbread aspect of the meal does three things. It holds the ingredients - you know, it’d be tough to eat a mess of chicken, tomatoes, yellow peppers, spring onions, and cheese without a conduit. It also makes the meal remotely filling, so you cold actually get away with eating this on its own for lunch (I, however, will supplement). Unfortunately, the chewiness of the bread and the juxtaposition of its flavorlessness next to the nicely seasoned filling takes away from the meal. I think they need to herb the flatbread, too.