Price: $4.19 (full price :()
Serving: 1 sandwich, 2oz.
Calories: 210
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 10%, 230mg
Protein: 19g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 10g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Smuckers says: Smuckers has discovered a new way to seal its homemade goodness into a delicious PB & Honey sandwich. The secret is there’s no crust so kids love ‘em!

Abi says: Every time I visit Seattle, my college town, I spend a morning at Pike Place Market and am instantly distracted by the food. I gorge on miniature doughnuts still hot from the fryer and tossed with cinnamon and sugar. I accept slices of fresh pear, dripping juice and proffered from the tip of a sharp knife. I taste honey categorized by flowering plant, featuring the names Fireweed, Clover, Lavender and Alfalfa, offered upon wooden stir sticks.

It was the honey that did me in. Given a cracker topped with a bit of fresh cheese, I bit in with pleasure. “Wait!” said the farmer, before I could take a second bite. She drizzled the rest of the cheese with honey and I just about died right there in downtown Seattle.

Back in California I started trying everything honey. Honey and cheese (still freaking amazing), honey lattes (not that great), honey-caramel corn (okay) and Peanut Butter and Honey Uncrustables (not actually made with honey. Okay, made with a little bit of honey, but probably not enough honey to convince my mom that it is anything but the devil).

I was excited about trying these because they are made with whole wheat bread and I have been nothing if not brainwashed by my hippie forebears. The thought of Wonderbread makes me gag. Though, the thought of a freshly baked loaf of white bread makes me wonder if anyone has some butter and jam. The wheat bread used by Smuckers really just highlights the fact that white bread is also made of wheat and that adding caramel color is a weird way to hide a lack of fiber.

The peanut butter inside the ubersoft bread pocket was creamy, nutty and just about everything that non-all-natural non-chunky (see, smooth) peanut butter should aspire to be. The honey was utter weirdness. For one, there is a lot of it. I don’t know about you, but when I make a peanut butter and honey sandwich, I do not make it with a 1:1 ratio of peanut butter to honey. No, I prefer at least twice as much peanut butter as honey or jam, perhaps even a 3:1 ratio of nut butter to sweet. The other scary thing about the honey spread? Well, it didn’t really taste like honey. It just tasted like goo, a sensation that made me take a look at the ingredients, which are below:

1. Corn Syrup
2. High Fructose Corn Syrup
3. Water
4. Honey
5. Pectin
6. Natural Flavor
7. Citric Acid
8. Potassium Sorbate
9. Caramel Color
10. Calcium Chloride

I think the United States is the only country were the labeling laws are so lax that this can be called ‘Honey Spread’. Aren’t the actual ingredients in honey something like “Pollen and bee spit/vomit”?

Yet, as horrifying as I found the possibility of eating a pocket of peanut butter and (mostly) fake, non-bee-spit honey, I ate/used all of these. You see, they are perfect for two things:

1. Travelling across the country
2. Giving to homeless people

On a trip to Austin I consumed one pocket on the train and one on the plane. I did not pay $17 for a suspect sandwich from American Airlines (though I did fly in a seat just in front of the enormous aircraft engines and spent most of my flight thinking about the first episode of Lost and that guy who walks in front of the engine and well, you know.) While walking through downtown Palo Alto I provided some homeless lady with a snack. If I’m on my way to a meeting or meeting up with some folks I don’t have to take the time to purchase a sandwich for someone who needs medication just as much as food, I can just carry one around. And therein lies the utility of the Uncrustable.

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 package, 4oz.
Calories: 50
Fat: 1%, 0.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 26%, 280mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 4%, 11g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 Point per Serving

Green Giant says: Sugar snap peas, roasted potatoes, red peppers and garden herbs

Abi says: Over a year ago, my friend and fellow reviewer Jess proposed that we create and publish a frozen vegetable continuum. This chart would inform frozen food companies about the heat and eatability of each member of the vegetable family. If we’d made the chart, perhaps this side dish would have never come to fruition. Not that the folks at Green Giant are actually paying any attention to Heat Eat Review. But you know, if they were and if we did then my lunch would have been much happier.

On that non-existent chart roasted red peppers would appear definitively on the ‘NO’ side. I enjoy a good roasted red pepper in regular life, but in the world of microwaved food the only thing they provide is color. Color and unavoidable sliminess. Fortunately, the red peppers were the least populous part of this side dish, far outnumbered by the potatoes and peas.

The potato portion is perfect for anyone who lacks self control when it comes to tuber consumption. Plus, the seasonings are peppery and piquant and probably other words that also start with p. Sure, the potatoes have the grainy mealiness of frozen and microwaved spuds (there’s a reason why they’re called ‘root cellars’ and not ‘root iceboxes’), but I have to say that they provided me with a full stomach and an opportunity to really taste the seasoning.

Rounding out the triumvirate of not-that-great vegetables were the sugar snap peas. There were not snappy. There were also not sugary. Instead, they were exactly the sort of vegetable that lead small children to avoid anything green until they’re in their 50’s and the threat of prostate cancer looms large.

Green Giant’s Garden Vegetable Medley is the least enjoyable steamed vegetable product I’ve consumed in the last six months. Now I understand why some of you consider ‘enjoyable steamed vegetable product’ an oxymoron. I cannot in good conscience call this two servings of vegetables, but considering that I won’t be buying them again, I’m not too worried about their serving size definitions.

If you’re looking for something healthy to supplement your lunch I suggest you turn to the simple and somewhat Italian-seasoned Simply Steam Carrots and Broccoli instead.

Price: $3.79
Serving: 8 pieces, 3oz.
Servings Per Bag: 6
Calories: 150
Fat: 7%, 4.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 14%, 330mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 10%, 3g
Sugar: 0g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points

Alexia says: Fun and flavorful, Alexia’s New Waffle Fries are a delicious interpretation of the European Classic, Pommes Gaufrettes. Lightly seasoned with Sea Salt, Pepper, and just the right amount of onion and garlic, Alexia Waffle Fries make a fantastic snack or a great accompaniment to your favorite entree

Abi says: My original review notes from this meal say only:

Fries of awesome!!!!!!

I am not an egregious user of exclamation points, so you should trust me when I say that these are the best frozen fry products I’ve ever tasted. After lackluster experiences with both the Alexia onion rings and the Alexia potato wedges, I wasn’t expecting such a fun eating experience.

Before we really get into how these taste, you should know that yes, there are about 6 servings in the package and yes, 8 fries will be enough. I know, it doesn’t seem like it will work, but these are waffle fries. They are hefty.

I don’t know how it is for you, but there’s something about waffle fries that makes me feel like a kid again. They are fancifully shaped and somewhat reminiscent of county fairs and boardwalks. Fortunately, these waffle fries are more than fit for adults, too. They were not at all greasy, so you could definitely have some folks over for a movie or drinks night and heat up a pan of these in the oven. Except, you won’t want to do that. No, instead you’ll be wishing that these came in a resealable bag because you’re going to have them with your lunch every day for a week except that you won’t get six servings out of the bag because on Friday you’ll say to yourself “I could eat all of the fries left in this bag, no problem.” And you would be wrong because eating all of them and a corn dog will totally make you sick and you will regret it.

When gorging doesn’t come in to play, Alexia waffle fries are delicious in every context. I tried these plain, with ketchup, dipped in homemade fry sauce and drenched ranch. Flavorful and fantastic alone or with a sauce, I should try sprinkling these with parmesan and forego dipping altogether.

I’m not sure than another frozen fry can ever measure up, but I’m okay with that possibility so long as these fries exist.

Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Serving: 1/2 package, 1 cup prepared
Calories: 190
Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 50%, 1190mg
Protein: 8g
Carbs: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 18%, 5g
Sugar: <1g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 points

Zatarain’s says: Red Beans & Rice is a traditional Monday dinner in New Orleans and has wide appeal today. This mix has precooked beans so total preparation time is under 30 minutes. Great with sausage or pork chops as a side dish or entree, or straight as packaged for a meatless meal.

Abi says: There’s no denying my love of Zatarain’s Bean and Rice mixes. They remind me of camping in New Hampshire, dinner simmering on a camp stove, a roaring fire just waiting for marshmallows and the promise of needing to escape the tent when it floods after four straight nights of rain.

Zatarain’s isn’t every day food. It is superbly salty (50% of your daily limit in just one cup of food!), lacking significant texture, and a sludgy grey that might put off all but the colorblind. It is also really freaking delicious. Perhaps my enjoyment of this meal is irrational, but I was too was a skeptic before I had my first ravenous bite of Zatarain’s Black Beans and Rice. It is packed with such a savory, meatiness that you wouldn’t believe it is vegetarian (note: the box says ‘natural flavors’ which could mean meat), or at least, not outrightly meaty.

This food has all of the hallmarks of comfort necessary on a cold night: hearty, filling beans and rice, plenty of flavor, and quality of perfection when eaten alone or paired with sliced and sauteed hot links (or half smokes for you DC folks). On the downside, this stuff takes forever to cook. Sure, the beans are actually pre-cooked and dehydrated, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to have a meal in less than 30 minutes. No, you’ll need to give yourself something more like 45 minutes to allow time for your water to boil, for the dish to cook, and for the sauce to thicken (very important). You’ll have just enough food to feed two super-hungry people or three moderately hungry people who also enjoy side dishes.

I look forward to trying Zatarain’s frozen meals when I finally find them in stores. Until then, I’ll have to go with my once or twice a month hearty, stomach-filling, sodium-intensive dinner.