Price: $0.80
Serving: 1 entire bag, .26 oz.
Calories: 30
Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 0%, 0mg
Protein: 1g
Carbs: 2%, 6g
Fiber: 6%, 1g

Brothers International Food Corporation says: We start with luscious fruit, straight from some of the best growing regions in the world. We then send it directly to our state-of-the-art FREEZE DRIED process that gently removes the water from the fresh fruit, and transforms it into a delicious, delightfully light, and flavorful CRISP. As always, we simply use fruit, nothing artificial, definitely no added sugar…just fruit, THE BEST FRUIT.

Abi says: These berries were one of the many food items I foisted on my colleagues this spring. They were also my first experience with freeze dried food. Somehow, I managed to resist the freeze dried ice cream during my childhood trips to OMSI and the Pacific Science Center. In the gift shop was generally more enamored of the hand boilers.

I considered consuming the entire .26 ounces of fruit myself, but then I would have missed seeing Chad, Kate, and Josh realize that they’d just consumed strawberry-flavored styrofoam. I kid. These are not made of styrofoam, they just taste the way styrofoam would taste if it was made very sour and produced in the color of dried blood. I do not kid about the dried blood part.

Brothers All Natural’s freeze dried fruits aren’t just a flavor explosion, they’re also a textural experience. Each little berry will suck all of the saliva out of your mouth and into the product, thus making it possible for you to experience desert-like thirst and an uncomfortably full mouth at the same time.

Only after exhorting my colleagues to consume these berries did I realize that they were from China. Holy crap, I’m eating freeze-dried strawberries from China? Isn’t that a little ridiculous? I mean, I can see purchasing other things from China, like silk, catfish, and toothpaste, but strawberries? From now on, I’m not willing to go any further than Chile to get my red, sour, styrofoamy fruit.

Price: $3.49
Serving: 1/2 package, 3 oz.
Calories: 270
Fat: 10%, 6g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0 mg
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 5g
Carbs: 16%, 47g
Fiber: 15%, 3g

A Taste of India says: Enjoy real Indian cuisine anytime, anywhere. We’ve included all the ingredients and flavors. Just microwave and eat, in one container!

Amanda says: I should start off by saying that I am a huge fan of Indian food. I say this because some people simply aren’t, and therefore would dislike just about any heat and eat Indian style meal put in front of them. So I wanted to like this meal. I wanted to like it because finding a new favorite quick and easy lunch meal is like my own personal Eureka! moment where Archimedes comes out of his grave and we high five reveling in the discovery. This meal, however, is a disappointment.

The ingredients list includes (but is not limited to): jasmine rice, pink lentils, onion, ginger, garlic, garam masala, coriander, cumin, turmeric, cinnamon, bay leaf, red chili and coconut milk powder. “Masala” in Indian foods refers to the spice blend used to flavor it, in other words, this box could read: Spiced Indian Rice and Lentils. So the “garam masala” on the ingredients list is essentially the most important when it comes to how this meal should taste. Thanks to our friend Wikipedia, I can tell you that Garam masala’s literal meaning is “hot (or warm) spice” and, interestingly enough, pretty much consists of all of the flavors listed separately on the package: cardamom, garlic, ginger, turmeric, bay leaves, cumin etc. So, assuming you are like me and really dig the blend of this seasoning, it sounds delicious!

But here’s the truth: the flavor is delicate, but boring, and completely devoid of any hint of warmth or intense spice. I got the feeling that while this company wants you to have a “Taste of India” they’re nervous that you won’t like it, so at the last minute they removed most of the Indian-ness from the meal and stuck with bland sweetness. There’s simply too much cinnamon and too much coconut milk powder. The rice fluffs up and fills the container a good bit- but is slightly dry and gritty. It’s a subtle fault for microwave instant rice; but because the rice comprises the entire meal, it’s sort of hard to get past. There was absolutely no discernable need for the lentils. There were maybe fifty tiny lentils in the entire meal and I couldn’t tell you anything about any of them. They were there, but I’m not sure why.

I also get really frustrated with companies whose meals consistently come as “2 servings” in one package. If this package of Masala Rice and Lentils is supposed to be shared between two people, why do we heat and eat out of the same box and advertise that as its great achievement? Typically when I come across a meal that’s really 2 in 1, I eat the entire thing because I’m not full otherwise. But this was a lot of rice. I got most of the way through it because I was hungry but towards the last 3/4 cup of rice I just kind of felt like letting it all fall out of my mouth right there onto my keyboard, and maybe moaning a little bit or whimpering pathetically because I was just tired of it- the grit, the sweetness, the mystery lentils. Since my office though, is right up front with two huge windows looking in on me, I instead opted to chew and swallow for the last time tossing the remained in the trash.

I give this meal 2 stars for trying to offer the heat and eat world something different, but hope they’ll go back to the drawing board and adjust the flavors. I mean, if you’re going to advertise yourself as giving us a Taste of India, let’s have it.

Thanks to Abi Jones for sending this meal my way.

Price: $2.69 (on sale)
Serving: 1/2 tray, 3.7 oz.
Calories: 160
Fat: 5%, 3g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 23%, 550mg
Protein: 4g
Carbs: 9%, 28g
Fiber: 6%, 2g

Annie Chun says: This quick meal features my version of the traditional spicy sauce that migrated from India and spread throughout Asia. My Singapore Curry is a classic fusion of ginger, garlic, onion, turmeric and chilis.

Abi says: Before we get into the taste, appearance, and odor of this meal, let me take a stand on the pro-Annie Chun side by stating that biodegradable bowls and/or trays are AWESOME. Why isn’t everyone using biodegradable bowls and/or trays? This is a challenge to
you, Amy’s Kitchen, stop using plastic trays and get on the biodegradable bandwagon!

Ok, now for the actual review.

During lunch I often need to concentrate on finding the flavors and textures hidden in shelf-stable meals. Ok I focus on, flavors, textures, and the outfits on Go Fug Yourself. Today, while trying to enjoy the outrageousness of Tyra Banks’ latest tan and brainstorming ways to get Sabra to send me some Sauteed Eggplant with Crackers To Go, I kept being interrupted by people pondering (quite loudly) why the heck the cube area smelled like a noodle joint.

First, was Kate, with the observation that I was making everything smell like ramen.

“But it isn’t ramen,” I replied “these noodles are steamed and then blanched. Much healthier.” Yes, I read that off of the box.

Kate responded with a look that meant “I really don’t care if it is healthier, your ramen is smelling up the office.”

The next observation came from Randa, sitting beyond the cube walls (still in a cube, but approximately 15 feet from me).

“Is somebody eating Oodles of Noodles?”

While I wish that I was eating Oodles of Noodles (now known as Nooshi, which is a much more respectable name, but still pretty silly), I can’t say that this meal is horrible. Sure, it will make your entire workplace smell like a noodle bar, but the biggest problem is that it is far too expensive ($2.89!) to be just a tray of noodles and sauce. Ok, noodles and sauce and dehydrated vegetables.

Yes, this meal contains ginger, garlic, onion, turmeric, and chilis, but I am wrong in calling it a meal. Really, this is just a side dish. I have decided this for two reasons. The first reason is that it is too texturally boring to be the only thing I’d eat for lunch. The second is that this box supposedly contains two servings. Unfortunately, I had not procured a second lunch item and I just ate the whole box. That was a bad decision that I do not wish you to repeat.

(Another ‘Why did I eat both servings?’ bad decision was been made by Jess, with the Amy’s Kitchen Cheese Enchiladas.)

Price: $1.00
Serving: 1 bowl, 3.1 oz. plus water
Calories: 360
Fat: 16%, 10g
Sodium: 43%, 1020mg
Protein: 13g
Carbs: 18%, 55g
Fiber: 8%, 2g

Betty says: Rotini pasta in a rich three-cheese sauce

Abi says: FYI, the three cheeses in this meal are cheddar, parmesan, and blue cheese. This meal is superbly cheesy and when on sale for less than a dollar is definitely worth the price. I ate mine with an apple, a couple of hardboiled eggs (only the egg whites, I can’t stand yolks), and a couple of squares of dark chocolate. It made for a warm and satisfying lunch on what turned out to be a glorious (60 degrees in mid-December) day.

I wasn’t pleased with the 5 minute, 30 second microwave time required of the meal. I also wasn’t pleased with the immense amount (40 seconds) of stirring required to mix all of the cheese powder with water. Yes, I am that lazy. The stirring was a lot of work, but the results were well worth it.

At first I didn’t understand why I was so loathe to stir this uncooked meal when I have no problem making a temporary foil baking dish for my Morningstar Corn Dogs. Then I realized that I was worried I might splash bright orange macaroni water on myself. This meal is an orange that could best be described as ‘nuclear’. It contains no artificial flavoring (go cheese!) but has artificial coloring up the wazoo. If Betty took out the artificial flavoring, I would probably be a lot happier to eat this meal regularly with less worry about splashing myself with bright orange dye. On the upside for Betty, this meal could be relabeled as ‘All Natural’ and she could start making a ton of money off of yuppyish moms everywhere.

Notice I didn’t mention the 43% of daily sodium? Well, now I am mentioning it. This meal contains a heck of a lot of sodium. I was sort of embarrassed when I commented on how the meal was pretty good and my coworker Chad admonished me with “Yeah, but I bet it contains a lot of sodium.”

He’s right. It does.