Price: $3.50
Serving: 1/2 entree, 7oz.
Calories: 320
Fat: 32%, 21g
Cholesterol: 8%, 25mg
Sodium: 19%, 460mg
Protein: 8g
Carbs: 9%, 27g
Fiber: 22%, 5g

Celentano says: All natural, as always no preservatives

Abi says: The only way you could get me to eat this bland, mushy pile of eggplant and red sauce would be to add it to the curriculum of a microwave-food-using school for sadomasochists.

And I’m not likely to enroll in one of those any time soon.

Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 meal, 11.4 oz.
Calories: 330
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 20%, 60mg
Sodium: 23%, 550mg
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 14%, 42g
Fiber: 16%, 4g
WW Points: 6 Points

Healthy Choice says: Seasoned beef strips are tossed with creamy herb gravy and twisted egg noodles, and served with green beans, carrots, and a tart cherry crisp dessert to complete this satisfying meal.

Adina says: Guess where this meal is right now. That’s right, THE TRASH. I have never rated anything I have eaten a zero because ultimately, eating crappy food is better than not eating. But this made me realize that I was wrong. I was so wrong. Every bite of mushroom beef made me regret living. Because living meant I was still eating this meal.

The beef was tough. It was flavorless. It was ugly. It was your junior prom date that wore Birkenstocks to the dance and sat all night talking about shooting squirrels with a beebee gun and didn’t even notice that you stuffed extra socks into your bra just for him. The noodles were manageable, but every time I ate a noodle (one of seven provided), it reminded me that I would have to eat another piece of beef if I wanted to make it through the day. The sauce was absolutely the most boring thing that I put in my mouth, and I’ve put a lot of boring things in my mouth, if you know what I’m saying.

I didn’t even make it to the greens or cherry crisp, I was so set on throwing this meal away and finding other, less soul crushing food to eat. Seriously. I hated this meal with all my heart.

If you have two dollars to spend on lunch, do not spend it on this meal. Spend it on a candy bar. Or bottled water. Or just donate it to a homeless person and eat grass. Any three of these options will provide you will a more fulfilling lunch than this Healthy Choice Meal.

Price: $3.29
Serving: 1 Package, 10 oz.
Calories: 240
Fat: 7%, 4.5g
Cholesterol: 18%, 55mg
Sodium: 25%, 600mg
Protein: 15g
Carbs: 12%, 35g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
WW Points: 5

Lean Cuisine says: Shrimp and angel hair pasta in a creamy seafood sauce with accents of sherry, tossed with red peppers.

Amanda says: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. NO. Do not buy this meal. If it is currently in your freezer waiting to appease your next shrimp craving: THROW IT OUT. If you cannot return it to the grocery store you unfortunately bought it from and can’t stand the thought of throwing your hard earned income into the waste basket, GET OVER IT. Do not heat and serve to any unsuspecting pets. Their magical sixth sense will inform them of the trauma you are trying to inflict upon them and they will in turn become rabid and attack you viciously. And rightfully so! This meal is AWFUL.

I removed the package from the cardboard and began poking fork holes into the overwrap to vent as instructed. I then inserted the meal into the microwave for 3 minutes and 35 seconds. Lean Cuisine gave me a choice of cooking time; anywhere from 2-4 minutes. This made me nervous. Shouldn’t they know how long to cook this meal? 2-4 minutes? We have to guess? So after the 3 minute and 35 second mark, I removed the dish from the microwave, ripped off the overwrap and then stared down dissapointedly at 5 slimy, silver shrimp. SLIMY. SILVER. SHRIMP. They weren’t cooked at all! So I decided to nuke them a little longer. 2 minutes longer for a total cooking time of 5 minutes and 35 seconds.

The shrimp curled themselves and turned pink. The sauce bubbled and thickened slighty; an orange tinted variety with sticks of carrots and red pepper slivers. The noodles were thin and seemed plentiful. It didn’t look THAT BAD. So, for you review readers, I took a bite of the pasta. And I’m telling you- I wish I hadn’t. It was really, really bad. Take the scent of old, rubbery shrimp and turn that into a flavor. Then turn that flavor into the very essence of a strange sauce. Pretend to accent the strange sauce with sherry but really just add more atrocious shrimp stink. Then throw in actual old, rubbery shrimp and VOILÁ! you’ve got the worst Lean Cuisine meal I have ever had. I took one more bite of the pasta and I actually ate one of the shrimp just to see if I was being overly critical. I was not. And this is out of the mouth of a woman who unabashedly removes mold from the edges of her sharp cheddar cheese blocks and keeps on keepin’ on.

I slid the “meal” back into it’s cardboard box and tossed it into the trash. I then promptly phoned my boyfriend and asked him to please, please, PLEASE bring me something edible to eat and quickly; anything to get the taste of old shrimp boat captain’s galoshes out of my sad, sorry mouth.

Price: $2.99 for two wraps
Serving: 1 wrap, 4.16oz.
Servings per Container: 1.5
Calories: 220
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 19%, 460mg
Protein: 25g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 24%, 6g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 per wrap

Kraft says: Each South Beach Diet Wrap provides a hot, delicious lunch or dinner at home or on-the-go. Enjoy with a small mixed green salad and your favorite South Beach Diet Dressing!

Andrew says: I’ve had good luck with South Beach Diet frozen dinners lately. I’m not on the South Beach Diet, but Kraft has a decent-looking lineup of gourmet-ish diet meals and, for the most part, they’ve been satisfying and tasty.

Still, I should have heeded the alarm bells going off in my head when I decided to buy two boxes of South Beach Diet wraps. How often does a frozen tortilla come out right in the microwave? I think mankind is still waiting. How often does a frozen mish-mash of cheese, meat and veggies reconstitute into anything other than a barfy paste? (I’m looking at you too, Hot Pockets!)

So I brought the Chicken Monterey wraps to work after a disappointing experience earlier in the week with the Denver Omlette-style breakfast wraps (somehow flavorless save for a disgusting onion aftertaste) and hoped for the best. The smell emanating from the microwave wasn’t entirely terrible, so I thought at least I’d get some flavor out of this one.

I guess my first warning sign should have been that the wrap stuck to the paper plate I’d deposited it onto. More accurately, paper plate material stuck to the wrap. Gross. The first bite of the wrap was entirely made up of the whole-wheat tortilla, which had hardened into something resembling card stock. The next bite included some soggier tortilla as well as some melty but flavorless cheese, a bit of completely flavorless chicken, a “red pepper”, and some way-too-mustard-y dijon sauce. There was supposed to be Monterey Jack cheese in there but all I experienced was this awful dijon sauce, filling every taste bud with a sense of nauseous dread.

I ate it all, and I survived. So did the terrible sour dijon aftertaste, unfortunately. But then I thought, “you know, maybe I overcooked it or something. I have one more wrap in the box, I’m going to try it later.” Yes, I am THAT DEDICATED TO FOOD REVIEWING. I adjusted the cooking time down slightly, took one bite and promptly deposited it into the trash. It wasn’t just me: This was pretty awful. I’ll still get other South Beach stuff, but the wraps are by far the worst frozen food I’ve had in months.