Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 cup, 3.5oz.
Servings per Package: 2
Calories: 45
Fat: 3%, 2g
Cholesterol: 2%, 5mg
Sodium: 9%, 220mg
Protein: 1g
Carbohydrates: 2%, 2g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 Point

Green Giant says: Sliced carrots, zucchini quarters and sliced green beans lightly tossed with rosemary butter sauce

Abi says: I’m in Las Vegas right now for the Food Marketing Institute’s annual convention. So far I have attended seminars on food trends and sampled a lot of truly odd items, including an energy drink that contains collagen.

During one session about the latest and greatest items in the processed food world, the speaker highlighted functional foods (also known as Nutraceuticals, which I often confuse with [don’t click on this link ->] Neuticles). She showed images of this item, the Green Giant Healthy Weight Vegetables and the Green Giant Immunity Boost. The last of which I haven’t purchased because peppers will inevitably turn mushy and I don’t feel like heating up a steam bag full of disappointment.

Basically, she talked about how companies are simply combining things that are already good for you and making catchy names. It is slightly different than products like Vitamin Water, which isolate supposedly healthy items and mix them with coloring and sugar.

In this case, Green Giant provides the consumer with thickly sliced carrot coins, still-crisp green beans and mushy, off-putting zucchini, all drenched in a buttery rosemary sauce. A rosemary sauce that features the equivalent of a single leaf of rosemary.

Once again, this is not really enough vegetables for two people, especially when you realize that the zucchini, which makes up a significant portion of the meal, is pretty unfantastic. I’d approximate entire package as having the volume of approximately 1.75 keyboard mice. Mouses. Computer-based pointing devices. The mouse was invented just a few miles from where I live. I am slightly obsessed with it, though I use them rarely.

I am not obsessed with the butter-like sauce, which features a distinctly unnatural viscosity. It turns out that enzyme modified butter is butter that’s been melted, had water added to it and then been treated with an enzyme to release the chemical chains that are holding back the intense butter flavor we all love. The enzyme they use? Streptococcus lactis.

I took a crash course in flavor chemistry because it tastes fake and takes away from the vegetables rather than adding to them. While I enjoy a bit of seasoning, I don’t need my greens greased.

Also, I still have to wear glasses. Way to go, Green Giant.

Price: $3.19 (Free to me)
Serving: 1
Calories: 320 per serving
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 14g
Carbohydrates: 16%, 48g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 12g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Smart Ones says: Smart Ones Fruit Inspirations meals are delicious new recipes inspired by the natural goodness of fruit. Now you can make every bite count with wonderful dishes that combine the intense flavor of real fruit into your everyday meals of juicy meat or poultry and crisp vegetables. Smart Ones. Taste so good, you want to be good.

Jess says: I recently opted to attend a sales and marketing training held by my company. I was actually glad I went as it was pretty interesting and there were thankfully no Glengarry Glen Ross references. Now, with my new sales maverick skills I can see right through Smart Ones thinly veiled marketing ploy with this line of meals. These are not new frozen meals using fruit in innovative ways but rather they are established fruit-using items. It is not inspirational to add cranberries to turkey and stuffing, nor is it revolutionary to use a citrus sauce for a chicken and rice dish. These items are merely being rebranded so as to now appear new, interesting and different and cause the jaded microwave meal eater to choose this meal from among the large freezer case aisle of sameness.

Does the marketing ploy taint the deliciousness? Not for this meal. The sauce was quite good if you appreciate a good sweet and sour syrupyness to your lunch. This, incidentally, is not Abi, which she will tell you with passion if you mention such food items. I do love sweet and sour flavor blends and so I made sure to get fork fulls of that corn starchy goop with each bite of rice and chicken. The orange essence is definitely palpable here, in a good way. I think that is because they use orange juice concentrate. So if you are not an orange person a) why did you even think about this meal? And b) it does taste like orange, so don’t eat it. However, back to marketing ploys, you will see on the box large orange chunks of what look like juicy mandarin oranges. Not so in real life my friend, at least not in my box. I did sometimes see orange hued strings that could have once belonged to an intact orange but this was just my best guess because of the context clues. The pepper bits were also much much smaller in real life. The chicken pieces were ample. The breading got a little too soggy for my liking, but they tasted just fine.

Overall, Orange Sesame Chicken was pretty filling for a Smart Ones meal. It is pretty much on the same level as Lean Cuisine’s Sweet and Sour Chicken, which I will purchase whenever it is on sale. This meal was entirely worth the nothing I paid for this. Oh that’s right. I’m a deal maker now! Always be closing, readers, always be closing.

[This meal from free from the folks at Smart Ones’ Public Relations company -Ed.]

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1 package, 6 5/8oz.
Calories: 520
Fat: 35%, 23g
Cholesterol: 15%, 45mg
Sodium: 46%, 1110mg
Protein: 21g
Carbohydrates: 19%, 58g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 12 Points

Stouffer’s says: Italian sausage, genoa salami and bacon in a spicy arrabbiata sauce, topped with a blend of mozzarella, parmesan, asiago and romano cheeses.

Abi says: You might notice that there are some distinct differences between my Stouffer’s Flatbread and the one shown in the photo on the box. For instance, mine seems to be missing a significant amount of cheese. Also, the meat appears minimally and in a highly chunky, unintegrated form. It is as though the Genoa salami first destroyed the baco culture, then decided that segregation was a reasonable way of life in frozen pizza land. You can see that they’ve colonized the southern end of the flatbread, making way for a salami-centric way of life.

Or perhaps they are following in Columbus’s footsteps and exploring the next frontier for pizza-topping-kind. He was from Genoa.

I didn’t realize until consuming this flatbread that I do not enjoy chunks of salami. Each piece intruded on the pizza-eating experience like the nubs of fatty, well-cooked pencil erasers, a textural sensation I can do without.

The saving grace of this meal is the well-herbed flatbread. It bursts with flavor and makes me with that it came unadorned with perhaps little packets of balsamic vineager and olive oil for dipping. Though, I can just imagine the trouble involved in defrosting condiments. Okay, maybe Stouffer’s should just sell the flatbread on its own as a pizza crust or dinner starting point.

With more care given to the toppings (and maybe more toppings, because where they heck are those 12 Weight Watchers Points coming from, anyways?) this pizza could be a decent appetizer. With improvements I would bake it in the microwave (adequate) or oven (better) and cut each one into small rectangles, perfect for serving to friends during the Stanley Cup Finals. With improvements.

Price:$2.69
Serving:1 burrito, 7oz.
Calories:360 per serving
Fat:13%, 9g
Cholesterol:17%, 50mg
Sodium:40%, 960mg
Protein:21g
Carbohydrates:16%, 49g
Fiber:11%, 3g
Sugar:2g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Trader Joe says: Nothing. I guess they had nothing clever to say about this product.

Angela says: I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of burritos. Frozen, fast food, homemade, breakfast, I’ve tried (and loved) them all. And around here, they’re not hard to come by. So when I was shopping in Trader Joe’s for something to eat for lunch at work, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to try a burrito I’ve never tried before.

Enter this little guy, the Chicken Chile Verde Burrito. First things first, it comes in pack of two. The pack is not resealable, so I suggest just bringing one to work and leaving the other at home, unless you trust the freezer at your office, which I don’t. The instructions tell you to first defrost the burrito on 50% power for two minutes, and then cook on full power for one minute, which is what I did.

Now, generally I associate Trader Joe’s with (mostly) healthy food. Upon reading the ingredients, I realized that this burrito may not be much different than the ones you find in your regular grocer’s freezer section. The amount of salt is really what got me. 40% of your daily value? Wow! I’m not one to be discouraged by nutritional information, so let’s get to the eating part.

Upon first look, the burrito is definitely a little wimpy looking. Not that most frozen burritos aren’t, but maybe I just had my hopes up too high. Also, it’s a little soggy and difficult to pick up. So those who care about dripping sauce on their clothes might want to grab a fork and knife for this one. Inside, there is a lot of Chile Verde, and every few bites there is some chicken. I suggest that TJ’s changes the name around to better suit this ratio. The Chile Verde is kind of slimy, and maybe a little too salty. I guess that’s where the 40% daily value of sodium comes in. Last but not least, the end of the burrito is all tortilla, as it is with most frozen burritos. It gets kind of hard when you microwave it, so I recommend not eating that part.

So all-in-all, this burrito is edible, but not really delicious. I will probably eat the second one if I’m in a pinch, but I’m not sure I would buy this particular variety ever again.