Price: $1.00
Serving: 1 bowl, 3.1 oz. plus water
Calories: 360
Fat: 16%, 10g
Sodium: 43%, 1020mg
Protein: 13g
Carbs: 18%, 55g
Fiber: 8%, 2g

Betty says: Rotini pasta in a rich three-cheese sauce

Abi says: FYI, the three cheeses in this meal are cheddar, parmesan, and blue cheese. This meal is superbly cheesy and when on sale for less than a dollar is definitely worth the price. I ate mine with an apple, a couple of hardboiled eggs (only the egg whites, I can’t stand yolks), and a couple of squares of dark chocolate. It made for a warm and satisfying lunch on what turned out to be a glorious (60 degrees in mid-December) day.

I wasn’t pleased with the 5 minute, 30 second microwave time required of the meal. I also wasn’t pleased with the immense amount (40 seconds) of stirring required to mix all of the cheese powder with water. Yes, I am that lazy. The stirring was a lot of work, but the results were well worth it.

At first I didn’t understand why I was so loathe to stir this uncooked meal when I have no problem making a temporary foil baking dish for my Morningstar Corn Dogs. Then I realized that I was worried I might splash bright orange macaroni water on myself. This meal is an orange that could best be described as ‘nuclear’. It contains no artificial flavoring (go cheese!) but has artificial coloring up the wazoo. If Betty took out the artificial flavoring, I would probably be a lot happier to eat this meal regularly with less worry about splashing myself with bright orange dye. On the upside for Betty, this meal could be relabeled as ‘All Natural’ and she could start making a ton of money off of yuppyish moms everywhere.

Notice I didn’t mention the 43% of daily sodium? Well, now I am mentioning it. This meal contains a heck of a lot of sodium. I was sort of embarrassed when I commented on how the meal was pretty good and my coworker Chad admonished me with “Yeah, but I bet it contains a lot of sodium.”

He’s right. It does.

Price: $1.00
Serving: 1 cup, 7.5 oz.
Calories: 280
Fat: 25%, 16g
Sodium: 34%, 820mg
Protein: 10g
Carbs: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 8%, 2g

Hormel says: These are wholesome meals or snacks that kids can make themselves in 90 seconds, giving them the feeling of satisfaction and independence. Each tasty flavor is considered a good source of protein for kids. They’re perfect for snacktime - lunchtime - anytime!

Abi says: I buy most frozen meals on the basis of two qualifying factors: price and looks. I will buy super-nasty items if they are very cheap. I will also buy fantastically good looking things if they are less than $3.00. Yeah, that’s my threshold and the reason why I wrote multiple pages of prose regarding a sale on Amy’s Bowls (specifically, the Pesto Tortellini Bowl).

This item falls into the super-nasty-cheap category. Sure, I felt a sense of independence from heating up my own meal. I also felt a sense of nausea from tasting the toxic orange sludge oozing from this ’snack’. While Hormel is known for meats, it is not known for pasta. There is a reason for that notoriety.

Price: $1.99 (on sale)
Serving: 1 cup, 8 oz.
Calories: 350
Fat: 29%, 19g
Sodium: 52%, 1250mg
Protein: 15g
Carbs: 11%, 32g
Fiber: 7%, 2g

Safeway says: A Real Indulgence! Prepared to perfection with the finest quality ingredients, including fresh cream, and real butter, delicately topped with toasted bread crumbs.

Sarah says: Now don’t get me wrong, Safeway’s macaroni was delicious. But unfortunately, dear reader, I cannot give you a strong recommendation to buy said macaroni. Because while it was cheesy, filling, and, well, macaroni-y to the last bite, it was also HUGE. To their credit, Safeway does clearly state on the front of their box the fact the meal inside contains 2 servings—an apparent attempt to indicate to you, the buyer, that you are supposed to share.

But I ask you: who shares macaroni?

Not I. When I heat up some frozen macaroni at work, I want to eat every last cheese-a-riffic noodle in the box. When faced with the giant box of Safeway noodles and mystery cheese, I had a difficult decision on my hands. Act properly and eat the entire thing, thus consuming 700 calories, or be a wimp and break out the Tupperware?

Those who know me well will know that I ate it all. However, I wouldn’t allow myself to be tempted into gluttony a second time, and thus would probably not purchase Safeway’s macaroni again. I would really only recommend it to people with a strong willpower than my own, or those who are eating it for dinner after a very long (and calorie burning!) day.

As for the actual food? The noodles were of a good consistency, and the cheese was thick. The added “bread crumbs” didn’t really seem to be bread, as far as I could tell, but they were tasty nonetheless. The only other complaint that I had is the amount of time it took to cook—approximately 15 minutes in the microwave! I could have boiled up an entire pot of Kraft in that time… and they come in spirals.

Price: $1.29
Serving: 1 bowl, 2.8 oz. plus water
Calories: 330
Fat: 15%, 11g
Sodium: 42%, 1000mg
Protein: 11g
Carbs: 16%, 49g
Fiber: 10%, 2g

Betty says: Ribbon pasta in a rich Cheddar cheese sauce tossed with broccoli

Abi says: I have to admit that I was originally drawn in by the lovely broccoli images on the package. I imagined nestling into the couch with a steamy bowl of cheddary pasta studded with still-crisp bits of broccoli. Then, I realized that this was a shelf-stable item and I needed a reality check.

Earth to Abi. Come in Abi, come in.

Holy crap, I just ate 42% of my sodium for the day. Sodium aside, Betty Crocker’s Bowl Appetit Cheddar Broccoli Pasta isn’t so bad if you

a) like dehydrated cheese
b) like dehydrated broccoli

While I greatly enjoy dehydrated cheese (or cheese in any form), I cannot claim the same love for dehydrated broccoli. To make matters worse, it isn’t even listed as ‘dehydrated’ on the package. It is ‘dried broccoli’. Nothing says appetizing like some dried vegetables. Why is it that we’re so willing to eat dried fruits, but we don’t go near dried vegetables? I think the reason could be that when you reheat dried broccoli in the microwave, it spreads an otherwordly* odor throughout the office.

*Zombie breath