Price: $3.50 (superb sale)
Serving: 1 package, 11.75 oz.
Calories: 430
Fat: 13%, 8g
Sodium: 57%, 1360mg
Protein: 27g
Carbs: 19%, 58g
Fiber: 10%, 3g

Whole Foods says: Fresh salmon with garlicky teriyaki sauce, paired with rice and vegetables — a fresh meal, ready in minutes with our new steam flow packaging.

Abi says: I am on the bus right now and the current is next to a Dunkin’ Donuts. The scent is intoxicating. Literally, I am drunk off of the smell of donuts. But I have to concentrate and write about salmon.

I’ve eyed these Whole Foods 1-2-3 meals for months and would have reviewed one much sooner if it weren’t for the crazy-high price of $6.00 each. Convenience food purchases are a risk and it is a lot easier to gamble on 3 Lean Cuisines than one piece of raw fish.

Yeah, the meat is raw. Having experienced insanely horrible salmon incarnations before (Healthy Choice Creamy Dill Salmon), I didn’t think I was up for yet another salmon disappointment. Salmon are majestic fish. They don’t belong in a microwave, they belong on a cedar plank in the form of an enourmous fillet. I told my mom I was going to microwave some salmon and she actually hung up on me. I had to send her some gravlax to get back in her good graces.

My hope was that the insane technology harbored by Whole Foods could somehow make the microwave safe for salmon, veggies, and rice all being steamed in the same container. Did it work? well, aside from making the microwave reek of steamed salmon, this dish was pretty darn good. Ok, except for the asparagus and the broccoli and carrots. You see, to cook the salmon properly, you end up oversteaming the vegetables. If you like really, really mushy steamed vegetables, this will work out for you. I prefer my carrots and broccoli al dente.

The garlic teriyaki sauce provides a delicate pungency and enough sodium for more than half your day. If you haven’t been getting enough salt, this is quite beneficial for you. Considering that 95% of the readers of HeatEatReview.com hail from the United States, I don’t think lack of sodium is an issue.

I wish I knew of the effects of microwaves on Omega 3 fatty acids. But I don’t, so I’m assuming that this salmon is rocking my socks, nutritionally speaking. If you can control other potential sodium hot-spots for the day, this meal is a satisfying way fill your tummy.

Price: $2.00
Serving: 1 package, 10oz.
Calories: 240
Fat: 9%, 6g
Sodium: 25%, 600mg
Protein: 19g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
WW Points: 5 Points

Healthy Choice says: Tender wild salmon is sliced and covered in a savory creamy dill sauce and served over penne pasta with a side of fresh broccoli florets.

Abi says: I’ve been thinking a lot about the ingredients in Healthy Choice’s Creamy Dill Salmon meal. When you consider the salmon, it initially seems to be one of the nobler fish in the sea. But upon further review, I must say that the salmon leads a rather unsatisfactory life, a life that ends with either laying eggs and dying or spraying sperm over eggs and dying. I don’t think that’s the way I’d want to go.

The wild salmon, despite its horrible sex-related death, is generally a delicious creature. It is full of nutrients and makes for a wonderful addition to caesar salad, fettuccine alfredo, or bagels with cream cheese. I prefer my salmon fully cooked, and even blackened, but today I learned that frozen salmon cooked in a microwave is a way to terrorize your coworkers and your palate at the same time.

Dear coworkers, let me apologize for the disastrous odor streaming out of the microwave. I knew it was going to smell that bad (hello, salmon and broccoli), but I put the needs of the readers of HeatEatReview.com ahead of your own need to work without horrible smells wafting from the kitchen.

Dear mouth, I am so, so, so sorry for forcing you to endure the agony of microwaved frozen salmon. While fresh salmon may be steamed (in a special container) and emerge from the microwave in a state of deliciousness, frozen salmon was not made for the nuclear era.

Healthy Choice’s broccoli is reminiscent of baby food; mushy and largely flavorless. Fortunately, that is just a small part of the meal. Unfortunately, it turns out to be the best part. The texturally frightening salmon in this meal is cloaked in a dill sauce that never gets past a globularity that would make any cook cringe. If you’re a dill fan (by that I mean that you enjoy all other flavors in a meal being overcome by dill), then you might be able to overlook the lumpy sauce, unevenly cooked pasta, and need to turn partially cooked salmon halfway through the microwaving process. Unfortunately, I am not a big enough fan of dill to overlook those enormous faults in this meal.

On a lighter note, if you’re on a starvation diet you could just heat up this meal and put yourself off food for the rest of the afternoon.

Price: $2.29
Serving: 1 package, 10 oz.
Calories: 350
Fat: 23%, 15g
Sodium: 39%, 930mg
Protein: 18g
Fiber: 8%, 2g

Stouffer’s Says: Tuna, egg noodles, mushrooms and celery in a creamy sauce

Nicole says: This is a tiny box, with a tiny dish inside. But how big is the taste and satisfaction?

Stouffer’s tuna noodle casserole does not look extremely appetizing after microwave cooking. The edges have turned out a bit crispy and dried out while the middle is soggy and mushy. To top it all off, the only visible layer is a mixture of soggy bready, creamy sauce, and a couple of peas.

Upon digging into my casserole, I found noodles that were soft but delicious. And inside the casserole dwelled small (but sufficient) populations of peas and tuna meat. These ingredients were bound together by a truly creamy and complementary sauce. I also came across three small mushroom peices, which pleases me as a non-lover of mushrooms, but is disappointing in the light of unkept promises. Peas aren’t mentioned in the blurb, but mushrooms are?

The fact that the crust bakes up a bit crispy on the edges proves a good thing, and I was happy for a bit of crunch in a few bites of Stouffer’s casserole. The dish is hearty, but the serving size is small, so I’m awfully glad I have a mini-bag of potato chips in my snack drawer. Suffice to say, my stomach is warm and happy now that I’m done and I don’t expect to be hungry for at least 2 to 3 hours.

Price: $4.19
Serving: 1 cup, 8 oz.
Servings per container: 2
Calories: 310
Fat: 35%, 23g
Sodium: 21%, 500mg
Protein: 7g
Carbs: 6%, 18g
Fiber: 0g

Phillips says: Our hearty Crab and Corn Chowder has been a waterman’s favorite for centuries. Every chunky spoonful is brimming with sweet yellow corn and blue swimming crab meat. This creamy soup is simmered to perfections and laced with onions, celery, and red peppers. Then we add our special seafood seasoning to give a traditional Chesapeake Bay flavor to the rich chowder.

Abi says: What is ‘Blue Swimming Crab Meat’? You probably think that my inclusion of that phrase in the above description is a typo. It is definitely not a typo. As I typed the words into this document I had to go back and read the cardboard label again. And again. Yep, blue swimming crab meat. I’d love to tell you more about the crab meat, but there was so little in this bowl of soup that I’d be hardpressed to accurately describe it.

I guess the folks at Phillips seafood’s marketing department are a bunch of liars. The soup was watery rather than creamy, contained only three spoons of vegetables (and this is two servings!), and was merely ‘laced’ with crab meat. Yes, I ate all of the vegetables and meat out of the soup.

After the meat/vegetable population (which consisted of three spoonfuls) had been diminished I couldn’t take more than a few bites of this limpid, flavorless mess of a “chowder”. Do youself a favor and pick up Safeway’s Kickin’ Crab and Corn Chowder instead. At least that one contains actual ingredients.