Price: $4.59 (spendy!)
Serving: 2 sliders, 3.5oz.
Servings per Package: 2
Calories: 260
Fat: 15%, 10g
Cholesterol: 17%, 70mg
Sodium: 19%, 450mg
Protein: 16g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 25g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Trader Joe says: Beefy goodness

Abi says: When I pulled these out of my Trader Joe’s shopping bag, my fiance, a man who has been known to eat burnt cookies, $1.00 pizzas and mushrooms, looked at them with both disdain and disgust.

“Hey,” I said “these will either be awesome or they will be horrible. So I have to try them.”

He verbally agreed, shrugged and left me to the rest of my unpacking because our freezer is now like a game of Tetris and I’m the only one who really knows how to play (which is actually not true, my mom rocks at Tetris. It is scary how good she is.).

These hamburgers were neither super nor bad nor superbad. They were exactly what I’d expect from a microwaved slider. Each was smaller in diameter yet thicker than a KFC Chicken Little. The bun was incredibly soft and peppered with sesame seeds, which made me realize that I dislike sesame seeds on buns. They get everywhere: teeth, carpet, in your bra - I am not kidding about the bra thing.

The next layer in the slider is the cheese. If there’s something that Trader Joe’s is going to get right, it is cheese. Each mini burger was topped with a square of yellow cheddar and each square of cheddar melted perfectly. It didn’t taste like much, but it looked really nice.

And the meat part? Have you ever defrosted frozen hamburger in the microwave but forgotten to flip it and essentially cooked a pound of hamburger via magnetron? That’s how this beef tasted. It was cooked, but lacked the slight char necessary to a good burger What, you think char is not necessary? Then you have not seen people weep when the Whopper was discontinued. Each little burger patty was a hockey puck of chewiness, so springy that I briefly contemplated trying to bounce a piece of it on the kitchen floor.

Two sliders is a snack and four sliders are too many to eat in a state of sobriety. As cute as they were, I won’t be buying these again. At nearly $5.00 for four sliders, I’m better off waiting until I go to DC where I can get freshly grilled mini-burgers sandwiched between layers of buttered and grilled brioche.

Price: $2.79
Serving: 1 cake, 3.8oz.
Calories: 360
Fat: 35%, 23g
Cholesterol: 37%, 110mg
Sodium: 10%, 240mg
Protein: 5g
Carbohydrates: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 25g
Weight Watchers Points: 9 Points

Trader Joe says: A delicate chocolate cake with a creamy chocolate center.

Abi says: Holy defender of the motherland, Batman! There are 360 calories in each Lava Cake! I was freaked out about this until I realized that there are approximately 100 calories in a 1 ounce Nestle Toll House cookie and thus I should actually expect there to be 380 calories in this cake. So, you can think of this as a light dessert.

The box contains two cakes (perfect for couples or people who like torturing their children) and each cake is approximately 4.5 inches in diameter. Just pop the cake out of its tray an onto a plate, microwave for a minute (or less, if your microwave is super-strong) and pair with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The outer cake layer is appropriately dense and lusciously chocolatey while the inner molten section is a cross between fudge sauce and chocolate pudding. Amazingly fudgy chocolate pudding that will make your toes curl with pleasure.

I love these cakes because they are simple, inexpensive and delicious. Sure, the dishes are a complete pain (sticky fudge sauce does have a downside), but you might be tempted to lick your plate clean, solving that problem once and for all.

Price: $3.19
Serving: 1/9th pan, 1.55oz.
Servings Per Package: 9
Calories: 170
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 15%, 45mg
Sodium: 2%, 55mg
Protein: 2g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 per serving

Trader Joe’s says: Why gather all the ingredients and dirty a bowl when Trader Joe’s “Ready to Bake” Brownies are so unbelievably easy and so consistently delicious? Simply unwrap the oven-proof tray of batter in this box and bake in a preheated oven. Whether you prefer your brownies gooey in the center or baked until almost dry, these brownies will satisfy.

Abi says: Considering how much adore Trader Joe’s Chocolate Croissants and pre-made Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, you’d think I’d be all over their ready-to-bake brownies. They even have an additional advantage over the croissants and cookies in that they come with their own baking tray. However, this dessert fills me with a disappointment tempered with confusion.

The ingredients list looks pretty standard (Sugar, flour, butter, eggs, cocoa and vanilla - simple!), so the best I can figure is that unlike cookies, brownies don’t bake well from a frozen state. This is sad because brownies are nature’s foolproof dessert: they’re easy to mix by hand, simple to bake and test for doneness, loved by mankind. Yet, these brownies from Trader Joe’s went uneaten in my house. Sure, we each sampled a square. Then they just sat on the counter for the next couple hours, mocking me with their lack of deliciousness.

At the end of the night I noticed that even George had avoided the pan of brownies. Usually he manages to eat an entire row in the course of a couple of hours, but these baked goods bads went untouched.

I hope that their spot in the Trader Joe’s freezer is soon filled with another, more palatable item.

Price: $3.69
Serving: 1/2 pizza, 4.5oz.
Calories: 280 per serving
Fat: 16%, 11g
Cholesterol: 35%, 11mg
Sodium: 33%, 800mg
Protein: 15g
Carbohydrates: 11%, 33g
Fiber: 5%, 1g
Sugar: 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Trader Joe says: Goat cheese pizza with mozzarella, asiago, smoked provolone and romano cheeses, garlic and basil.

Kelly says: My apologies to all of you without a Trader Joe’s nearby. I keep finding wonderful things there and you’ll just have to deal with it. I found this pizza in the refrigerated section, so don’t go confusing it with frozen food. It is not frozen, it is fresh, fresh, fresh! It is also sublime with garlicky goodness and savory goat cheese.

I know that there are also a lot of people in this world who find goat cheese intolerable. In some ways I am sorry about that because you won’t like this pizza. I also have to admit that your weird taste buds make me happy because I don’t have to worry about this item being out of stock. Vive la difference!

Because it comes from the fridge section, this pizza cooks up faster than your standard frozen fare. The small size also helps with that speedy cooking, but it means that you’ve got to watch the oven really closely. There’s no catching up on Tivoed episodes of Lost. No, you can just wait for the hotness that is Sawyer until after this thing is done cooking (please, no spoilers in the comments).

This pizza isn’t health food, but it does cook up brilliantly, with a fantastic cheese variety (five types!) and lots o’seasoning all on a chewy, fresh crust. If you’re counting calories, half of this plus lots of vegetables will be satisfying. Unfortunately, unless you have someone else around to eat the other half right away you’ll probably find yourself sneaking a little slice out of the fridge come midnight.