Price: $2.50 (Free from Abi)
Serving: 1 oz.
Calories: 340 per serving
Fat: 18%, 12g
Cholesterol: 27%, 80mg
Sodium: 31%, 750mg
Protein: 22g
Carbohydrates: 12%, 35g
Fiber: 16%, 4g
Sugar: 3g
WW Points: 7 Points

South Beach says: WHITE MEAT CHICKEN DICES, SOUTHWESTERN STYLE BROWN RICE & BLACK BEANS WITH A ROASTED PEPPER & CILANTRO SOUR CREAM SAUCE, TOPPED WITH REDUCED FAT CHEDDAR CHEESE

Jess says: I’ve always stayed away from the South Beach series. I think it’s because I didn’t really understand what the South Beach diet was. From the insanely skinny people I’ve seen on beach vacation brochures, I can say that they look happy, relaxed and tan, but don’t really look like foody people. These are not the folks that I’d go to for meal advice. Also, it’s the packaging. Everything about it says, “Gross diet food. Bland. Bland. For the love of fullness, don’t eat me.” I never got that same vibe from Lean Cuisine which says, “Eat me. I’m cheap. I’m probably tasty. And oh yeah, I love your heart more than Marie Callender does”. I did finally look up the South Beach diet, and it’s insanely complicated. It’s eating along the biblical dichotomy of good versus evil. And there are phases. Whatever dude.

As far as taste goes, though, it turns out that I was wrong and I had judged on the base of packaging to my own loss. This meal tasted like the insides of a delicious burrito. The meal was nicely spicy, with a sour creamy burrito sauce that was much thicker and more substantial than what I was expecting. The chicken was in these small bits so that each bite included a well-proportioned mix of chicken, beans, rice and sauce. The portion was about average for the lean food varieties. Looking at the nutrition information I see that it’s on the salty side for a “healthy meal” and my current thirst agrees. But this was an entirely acceptable lunch meal which I would probably eat again. Double true if it was cheap or free. And if the side affect of eating this meal is a well-preserved hot beach body and a tan, you won’t hear me complaining.

Price: $2.00 (on sale at Schnucks)
Serving: 1 package, 9.4oz.
Calories: 220 per serving
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 39%, 930mg
Protein: 20g
Carbohydrates: 5%, 16g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points

South Beach Living says: Braised seasoned beef steak dices in a sauce with mushrooms, onions, celery & carrots with broccoli florets in a cheese sauce.

Rebecca L. says: “Savory” is one of those words that turns me off.

When I was in 6th grade, I had a huge crush on the guy who sat in the desk across from me. Really, it was fate. And I was twelve. One morning I woke up with a headache and wasn’t feeling too hot in general. I took some Tylenol, ate some leftover Stove Top Savory Chicken stuffing, downed a glass of orange juice and jumped on the train.

Two hours later, I started feeling a little queasy. You can only guess where this is going. I ended up getting sick ACROSS our desks. Needless to say, the emotional pain and sheer grossness of throwing up stuffing on my 6th grade crush makes the word “savory” a little hard to accept.

But South Beach, you tempt me. You were on sale! And have cheesy broccoli in the package! How could I resist?

When I opened up the box, I noticed that the tray’s white, the first white microwave-food tray I’ve ever seen. Was this done on purpose? Is frozen food subliminally racist? Are white tray less well suited for the job than the traditional black tray? Important questions to answer, people.

One semi-annoying feature of the South Beach is stirring. You’re expected to nuke for 3 minutes, then stir, then nuke for 4. I hate stirring. I buy frozen food because I’m lazy and want to fly on autopilot – open, microwave, peel, eat. Anyways, I noticed this entrée was super watery when I stirred it. It ended up being a little dry and goopy in the end, so who knows which is its true texture.

South Beach’s Savory Beef includes 4 medium-size chunks of beef. Each chunk is enjoyably meaty and satisfying. They actually taste like beef, not beef flavoring, and have a little fat on them but no gristle. Everything’s sort of salty (39% of my sodium RDA?!??!) and the beef is a little tough, but it’s microwave beef so that’s not really surprising. The beef sauce that looks so marvelous on the box is a no go. I think they micro-chopped the chunks of veggies because I found a grand total of zero mushrooms. The sauce isn’t un-tasty; there are onions in there, and carrots, and I can taste the celery. However, it’s the consistency of baby food. Chewing while on South Beach is apparently a toughie.

Moving on to the Broccoli Florets in Cheese Sauce: South Beach is using a very deep tray. Surprisingly, the broccoli portion is pretty generous and almost fills the entire compartment. However, it falls victim to the dreaded ’soggy & disintegrating’ broccoli character flaw. Also, cheese sauce? Lies. There is a melted cheese smear that got on, like, ¼ of the broccoli. It tastes slightly of cheese but, sorry, this is not cheese sauce. Good thing I like the way broccoli tastes.

Overall, the beef section is pretty good. If it wasn’t so salty, it would be the best frozen dinner beef I’ve ever encountered. The broccoli is OK, not amazing. But another thing is – this is a HUGE amount of food for 220 calories – this sucker weighs in at a whole 9.4 ounces! I credit all the veggies and the beef chunks have a little bit of fat on them, so they are tasty AND filling. No thanks to you cheese sauce! I probably won’t be hungry until at least 4pm at this rate.

If Lean Cuisine doesn’t go back on sale next week, this will be in my freezer again. Veggies, protein, tasty beef, what more you ask for?

Price: $2.25
Serving: 10.5 oz.
Calories: 300
Fat: 18%, 12g
Cholesterol: 17%, 50mg
Sodium: 32%, 760mg
Protein: 25g
Carbohydrates: 9%, 27g
Fiber: 32%, 8g
Sugar: 6g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Smart Ones says: Breast strips with rib meat and penne in a creamy red pepper sauce with broccoli.

Sarah says: In comparison to my review of Smart Ones Roast Beef, where I was pleasantly surprised by a meal that I expected not to love, this meal was a sharp turn for the worse. I think that my expectations were simply way too high - this is yet another case of a horribly misleading and delicious-looking cover gone wrong. Everything about this little frozen meal called out to me. Whole grain wheat pasta? Check! Broccoli, my favorite frozen vegetable? Check! Some sort of sauce that’s sorta-creamy-and-sorta-spicy? CHECK! In addition to all of that, South Beach is apparently not eco-friendly, as their meal comes in a box that takes up approximately double the space that my Smart Ones takes, even though the meal is just 1.5 ounces heavier. This was yet another factor in my high expectations, as I extremely hungry when I selected the gargantuan parcel out of my freezer at lunchtime. Big box = big taste, right?

Not so much. The first let-down of the meal was the broccoli. I always eat the veggies first, because I’m a slightly OCD weirdo who likes to separate their foods and eat them in order from “least favorite” to “favorite.” It’s pretty hard to mess up broccoli, but somehow South Beach has managed it. I can’t even tell you what it was, either. The broccoli just tasted slightly off. Like maybe it had been frozen and thawed and re-frozen one too many times.

Then there was the pasta, which I had hoped would redeem my rather pathetic vegetable experience. I think the biggest disappointment was with the “Red Pepper Sauce,” which I had expected to taste . . . oh, I don’t know . . . peppery? Instead, it just tasted like sauce. Just generic sauce, that you might find in a big plastic container located in an underground hatch on a mysterious island in the South Pacific. The pasta has a strange texture, but that’s par for the course when you’re dealing with whole wheat pasta, and I really felt like it might have been enjoyable (the chicken was just fine, too) if there had been non-Dharma sauce on top of it.

Oh well, I guess that’s what you get for buying any meal with the word “diet” on the front of the package. Too bad I have two other South Beach items left in the freezer to try.

[The South Beach Diet is now known as South Beach Living. Also, if you’re into Lost but you’re never sure if this week’s episode will be new or a rerun, I recommend you check out Is Lost a Repeat?, a highly accurate, superbly informational website. -Ed.]

Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 meal. 7.05 oz.
Calories: 250
Fat: 20%, 13g
Sodium: 47%, 1130mg
Protein: 24gg
Carbs: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 15%, 15g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

South Beach says: South Beach Diet Wraps combine the perfect blend of ingredients - soft wraps, flavorful sauces or dressings, and natural cheeses or crunchy toppings - for a taste sensation you’ll love!

Kelly says: I am not on the South Beach diet. I am a carb lover (hello, Easten European heritage!) and I find dieting slightly freaky. I’m not talking about eating healthy. I’m talking about dieting, you know, the sort that brings to mind the Gap Girls on Saturday Night Live.

But the South Beach Diet is supposed to be nutritious and filling, satisfying even. So when I saw this adult lunchable on sale at my grocery store, I thought “Great! Now I won’t have to wait in the office microwave line!”

Ugh, I’d rather wait in line than eat this any day. The mayo alone is 40 calories. Which means that cutting out the mayo brings this meal down to 210 calories. I also did not consume the Jell-o. Even healthier, right? WRONG. I was hungry in two hours. That’s what happens when you don’t EAT anything. I felt like Chris Farley in that video, but minus David Spade and Adam Sandler as my preppy sidekicks.

Even though it does not need to be said, I will say it: South Beach Diet’s Turkey Bacon Club Wraps is not a filling lunch, though it is sort of fun to put together. There are ultra-processed turkey slices, mini wheat tortillas, and a little packet of bacon. I wish I could just buy little packs of bacon in the store. Then I could occasionally use bacon without making the whole house smell like deep fried meat.

I know, there are pouches of pre-made bacon already out there, and they aren’t even refrigerated! That weirds me out.

Bacon aside, these South Beach Diet wraps are simply Lunchables for adults but without the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup or Andes mint. Wowsers. 47% of my sodium intake for the day was in the meal 7 ounce snack.

As a college educated adult I should know better than to eat this junk.