Price: $1.50 on sale at CVS
Serving: 1 bowl cup, 2.5oz.+water
Calories: 270
Fat: 4%, 2.8g
Cholesterol: 0%, 20mg
Sodium: 31%, 736mg
Protein: 5.1g
Carbs: 19%, 57g
Fiber: 3%, 0.6g
Sugar: 3.9g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 WW Points

Simply Asia says:Our soup bowl combines authentic 100% pure rice noodles in a delicious broth, vegetables and a traditional seasoning for a quick and satisfying meals in just 3 minutes.

Abi says: Thanks to Gluten-Free Girl, I know that if I were suddenly diagnosed with gluten intolerance I could live a life full of delicious, beautiful food. Sure, it would make writing for Heat Eat Review a bit difficult, but it wouldn’t be a hardship for home eating.

Unless, of course, I decided to purchase this soup bowl. When I dropped this into my basket at CVS (a pharmacy), I must have momentarily blanked on a previous Simply Asia meal that smelled like burnt tires. My excuse: I had a brain freeze after spending a half-hour watching the sun set from the steps of the Supreme Court (highly recommended on warm days, on cold days the bases of the marble columns will turn your bum into a block of ice) and I was on a post-Easter Cadbury Creme Egg Hunt (not for me, I think they are gross and that all of you fondant-loving fools are strange, strange people). Also, I have a website that requires me to eat (or at least heat up and taste) things that smell like burnt tires.

I followed the meal-preparation instructions closely: adding ‘vegetable’ and oil packets (should have been labeled ‘vegetable flakes’ and the oil is optional), filling to the ‘fill-line’ and microwaving for a few minutes. Then I sat down to eat some undercooked noodles. Okay, I can handle that. Another minute sitting on the counter and the ’soup’ was still hot, this time with limp, edible noodles.

Much to the chagrin of my taste buds, the noodles and the brother were both devoid of flavor, leading me to wonder in what Asian country “traditional seasoning” means “colored water”. The Spring Vegetable contingent was represented with four peas and a couple of pieces of dehydrated carrot. Okay, ten pieces of dehydrated carrot, a few kernels of corn and some shreds of green onion (I think). I wish I was kidding about this, but there is more vegetable matter in a single baby carrot than in this entire ‘Spring Vegetable’ noodle bowl. I resigned myself to finishing this flavorless, four-pea-featuring bowl of noodles, then poured the ‘broth’ down the drain.

I am now officially on the hunt for only food that looks fantastically delicious. Well, as soon as I try the 14 boxes of most likely mediocre food sitting in my freezer right now. Simply Asia might be making noodle bowls appropriate for Celiacs and college students alike, but just because you can eat these doesn’t mean that you should.

[Yes, I went overboard with the double and single quotes in this review. If you’d like to make fun of me for that, I have an even better site for your reading/wasting time at work pleasure: The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks.]

Price: $2.99
Serving: 1/2 package, 10.6 oz.
Calories: 370
Fat: 3%, 2g
Sodium: 28%, 670mg
Protein: 8g
Carbs: 25%, 75g
Fiber: 10%, 3g

Simply Asia says: Authentic Asian Noodles with sweet & sour sauce, vegetables, and crunchy shallot sesame seed topping. Fork included.

Sarah says: When Abi asked me if I liked sweet & sour foods, I was excited. When she handed me the box of hot, steaming noodles, I was ecstatic! Well, if such a thing is even possible at 11:30am on a Monday morning.

While Mondays are often disappointing, I was not let down by this box of noodles. The first thing that I noticed about this meal was the fact that the noodles were absolutely delicious. They weren’t soggy or powdery, as microwavable pasta has a tendency to be. They were very thick and extremely filling; so filling that I couldn’t even finish the entire box. This is probably a good thing, seeing as how at 740 calories, this chow mein would better serve my diet as 2 or 3 meals. Luckily, though, the 4 grams of fat and complete lack of saturated fat makes me feel a little bit better about the entire experience.

The sauce was indeed a good mixture of both sweet and sour flavors. The peppers involved gave it extra flavor, which I’m sure I would have enjoyed more if I actually liked peppers. All in all, I would definitely eat this again, but I’m interested to try some of Simply Asia’s products with meats or more vegetables. The whole “just noodles” bit would be sure to get quite boring after a while, delicious or no.

Price: $1.49
Serving: 1 bowl, 2.5 oz dry
Calories: 258
Fat: 4%, 2.7g
Sodium: 31%, 784mg
Protein: 4.9g

Simply Asia says: Pure rice noodles in a aromatic vegetarian chicken soup broth with a crisp sesame flavor.

Abi says: This is glorified ramen. Ramen with powdered vegetable protein. This meal is not worth $1.49, but if insanely hot (temperature, not spicy) noodles with a suspect packet of fake-chicken-powder are your thing, then you’ll love this meal. Yum: colorful dehydrated vegetable flakes and yellow powder.

When I purchased this meal, I did not realize that it was for vegetarians. It could be for vegans, but it contains milk in the form of whey. Sorry vegans, you’re missing out on a chicken-flavored treat!

Price: $1.79
Serving: 1 package, 9 oz. (incl. water)
Calories: 70
Fat: 0%, 0g
Sodium: 4%, 100mg
Protein: 7g

Simply Asia says: Our pure soy noodles are made by baking thin sheets of tofu and cutting them into tender noodle strips that are rich in protein yet low in carbohydrates and calories. Hearty and meat-like in texture, our soy noodles absorb the rich and savory flavors of our authentic soup broth.

Abi says: You know what is better than a review about a meal? Things people say about your meal while it is in the ‘Wait 5 minutes before eating’ stage:

“Meatiness is not a quality I look for in noodles.” Amy sneered in response to my reading of the box blurb.

“Something smells like burnt rubber.” She noted a few minutes later.
“I think that’s my noodles.” I replied.
“Well, I’m sure you’re looking forward to eating that.”

“There’s underwear on her desk.”
“Yeah, I put it there.”
“But she’s out to lunch.”
“Oh, that’s a problem.”

Ok, above conversation is not related to tofu noodles.

“Something smells weird.” Whispered Chad as he sauntered past my cube.

For all of the talk about how otherworldly this meal smelled (otherworldly in the sense of a decaying animal that has cycled to the next life in the quest for nirvana), it actually doesn’t taste like much of anything at all. Quite a quandary. I would like to finish this meal because it is good for me, but I can not breathe in through my nose because the malodorous steam singes my cilia. I had to invent the ‘Zero Stars’ category for this meal.

Solution: Throw away disgusting tofu noodles and get a delicious salad with grilled chicken, boiled egg, bacon and avocado. Yum.