Price: $2.50 on sale
Serving: 1 meal, 13oz.
Calories: 630 per serving
Fat: 60%, 39g
Cholesterol: 20%, 60mg
Sodium: 40%, 970mg
Protein: 30g
Carbohydrates: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 32%, 8g
Weight Watchers Points: 15 Points

Marie Callender says: Marie tossed al dente fettuccini with grilled chicken breast and crisp vegetables - then added rich, creamy alfredo sauce and golden bread crumb topping.

Abi says: I try to eat healthy food, so when I go shopping I look at the nutrition labels on products. I try to avoid artificial flavors and colors, and corn syrup, and things that have a not-worth-it amount of fat or sugar. This doesn’t mean that I don’t indulge (I ate a salad at the Cheesecake Factory the other day and it was not from the ‘Weight Management’ section. Also, why the heck do they call it ‘Weight Management’? Do they want people to NOT order those things? Why not just have half salads or ‘lighter options’? Was ‘Weight Management’ the only phrase available for trademark? Jeez.), it just means that I don’t need to eat a bunch of crap.

Except when it comes to frozen meals. I don’t even look at the nutrition information or the ingredients or even read the box blurbs. I just look at the names of the food and the pictures. Why? Because if I started reading about what was used to make these things then HeatEatReview would never exist.

Case in point: Marie Callender’s Grilled Chicken Alfredo Bake. First, I love that it has grilled in the title. Because grilled = healthy. Deep fried = heart attack. You could grill Twinkies and people would accept them as health food. As a counter-point to ‘grilled’ there’s the alfredo. If you’re like most red-blooded Americans you probably like Alfredo sauce. It is milk, cream, cheese, butter, and garlic. Who can resist those things? Not me and not you either. And check out that photo on the box! The alfredo sauce seems to be sparingly applied to the grilled chicken (with grill marks!) and vegetables.

This looks pretty healthy. You know, for something with a cream sauce. See all of those vegetables? But looks (and box photos) are deceptive. Once I microwaved this bad boy, I realized that underneath that benevolent layer of carrots and broccoli it was swimming in alfredo sauce. And not that awesome homemade stuff either. No, this is pure, unadulterated Marie Callender’s alfredo.

What does that mean? For one, it means that there is essentially no seasoning in the sauce itself. A good homemade alfredo involves fresh garlic. Marie Callender doesn’t go near that tastebud-searing stuff, instead sticking to the Midwesternly flavors of butter and cream. By ‘Midwesternly’ I mean bland.

Fortunately, a bit of flavor is provided by the broccoli and carrots. But if I had to rely on the vegetables to provide flavor in frozen meals then I’d be totally screwed. Shouldn’t there be something going on with the noodles? Oh, they’re just for mush, somewhat gloppy show? Great.

Pluses: Plenty of tender, “grilled” white meat chicken, a nice showing of carrots and broccoli, and a showy breadcrumb topping that makes the meal look nice but does nothing tastebud-wise.

Minuses: Thick, bland sauce, ridiculously high in calories, showy breadcrumb top[ping that makes the meal look nice but does nothing tastebud-wise.

If you’re originally from Minnesota and currently living in Louisiana and you miss the bland, calorie-laden food of your homeland, give Marie Callender’s Grilled Chicken Alfredo Bake a try.

Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Serving: 1 tray, 12oz.
Calories: 450
Fat: 26%, 16g
Cholesterol: 12%, 35mg
Sodium: 49%, 1,170mg
Protein: 22g
Carbs: 18%, 53g
Fiber: 16%, 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 10 Points

Marie Callender says: At Marie Callender’s, our fish fillet is lightly dipped in a golden batter and served with seasoned rice and tender broccoli in a creamy cheese sauce

Andrew says: I'm not much for fish.

When I was a kid in rural Indiana, fishsticks were among the most vile foodstuffs I could imagine, and the McDonald's Filet-o-Fish was like a steaming patty of briny fish poo. This was how I saw most seafood for several years.

But I occasionally dip my toe in the sea and try some fish or some shrimp or clams or whatever else lives in water, just to see if my tastes have evolved. And lo and behold, they are starting to! Tilapia, for instance: I love it! And salmon! And calamari, when done right, is actually pretty tasty! A whole new world of culinary delight was beckoning to me!

But then I went and tried this Marie Callender meal. I should have known: Frozen fish product, particularly in a TV-dinner-type setting, is hardly ever representative of how fish ought to taste. And this meal is no different. We'll start with the non-fish parts, though.

The rice somehow ended up very dry, and despite the so-called "seasoning" on it, there's not much flavor to speak of, save for what it picked up from the fish product laying nearby. It's certainly not one of the better rice performances I've had in frozen fare. And the broccoli and cheese comes up short of even frozen-food expectations as well, with cheese sauce that's somehow lumpy and watery all at once, and doesn't even pack half the cheddary tang of cheese sauces in Smart Ones meals. The broccoli itself ended up rather limp and mushy, but retained a decent flavor. I never know if texture failures are on me for under- or overheating, or if they're systemic and indicative of a failure on the part of one Marie Callender. I guess I'll probably never know (like I'm ever going to buy this again).

Now back to the fish: It may be the saving grace in this sorry meal. It's not the worst frozen fish I've seen, and it keeps a somewhat "fresh" fish flavor that doesn't make me feel like I'm licking the barnacles off a schooner. I've always preferred the crispy, flaky beer-style batter to the crunchy, crumby style batter of, say, fishsticks, even though on this piece of fish, the batter was a bit soggy in spots. Who am I kidding, it was a bit soggy all over, and I'm gonna blame the microwave for that one.

But even if you heated this meal in the ol' convection oven, I doubt your taste buds could extract much joy. I can't imagine either fish-lovers or fish-haters taking pleasure this soggy, bland meal. I guess that means pretty much everyone ought to hate it.

Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 meal, 14 oz.
Calories: 440
Fat: 23%, 15g
Cholesterol: 20%, 60mg
Sodium: 55%, 1330mg
Protein: 31g
Carbs: 15%, 44g
Fiber: 28%, 7g

Marie Callender says: I simmered white meat chicken in a creamy cheese sauce, then added broccoli florets and a blend of white and wild rice.

Jess says: I did it and I did it for you, Internet. I bought a Marie Calendar meal, even if it did mean possibly taking years from my life (but certainly only adding to the life in my years). Oh Marie, you look so classy and done up on your cardboard box portrait. You could be on a 1950s vacuum cleaner advertisement, in your pristine apron with that look of self-satisfied whimsy. And, yet, I just found myself presented with a Velveeta Volcano from inside that green box. With this meal, you’re less June Cleaver and more Paula Deen.

Fat, sodium, and other health considerations aside, I paraded this cheesy lava through the halls of our office and saw the envy in my co-workers’ eyes. I work with good people who know innately what a little (too much) lactose can add to a Friday. And following too many beers at Thursday’s happy hour? Oh, it’s just the ticket. If the box says that there are chicken, rice, and broccoli resting under the sunshine yellow spread, I’ll believe it. But it could have been anything. All I tasted was cheese and later, due to dehydrated feeling I carried around with me, probably salt. Actually, though I did not taste the rice, I liked its texture. The small grains allow for greater cheese coating between rice clumps. Like rice cheese balls! (A new appetizer for entertaining? Indeed!) But of course, cheeselovers, this cheese isn’t Vermont Sharp Cheddar and is far from a Smoked Gouda. This will be more reminiscent (with similar rib sticking) of the Velveeta shells and cheese of your youth. This cheese is so processed that it’s probably a new life form. In fact, this cheese strongly resists holding heat. I had to reheat this meal 3 times in the course of consuming it due to the cheese’s odd property of rapid heat loss. A contributing factor is that the serving is rather large. It’s an undertaking, not merely a lunch. Lordy, lord. I’m so freaking full right now. And thirsty! I need a camel pack so the guy across the hall from the water cooler will stop judging me.

Buy one of these suckers and leave it stored in your freezer. There will be a cold, hungry, hungover day in your life at some point and this will be exactly what you need. Simply treat as a guilty pleasure and use sparingly.

Price: $2.00 (sale at Giant)
Serving: 1 meal, 16 oz.
Calories: 500
Fat: 32%, 21g
Sodium: 66%, 1590mg
Protein: 24g
Carbs: 17%, 52g
Fiber: 28%, 7g

Marie says: At Marie Callender’s, our classic country fried chicken is always served with homestyle gravy, corn on the cob, and greamy mashed potatoes made with real butter.

Nicole says: Preparation of this meals was rather labor intensive. You know how you usually return to your desk if a meal needs to cook for more than 3 or 4 minutes? This needs to cook for 6 1/2 minimum, but you can’t leave. You are locked to the microwave. First, you separate the gravy packet from the meal and slit the top, then you have remove the chicken from the heating tray. Finally it is time to cook - corn and taters only, for 3 minutes. Then you replace the chicken, put the slit gravy packet in a separate bowl, and heat for an additional 3 1/2 to 4 minutes. Bah humbug. A two-dish microwavable meal??

However, it is awesome that you get to spread your hot gravy over the chicken patty and mashed potatoes at your discretion - there is a sufficient amount for both, and gravy lovers like me will want to use it all.

The corn is a bit dry but buttery and sweet. The mashed potatoes are definitely “Inspired by Grandma” in the sense that they are not as smooth as most - a bit of chunkiness means homemade. The chicken breading is a bit too moist and soggy and peels off easily, but it still has an acceptable texture. The chicken tastes like…chicken. The gravy - yum. It’s lightly spiced with pepper and definitely makes the flavor for the chicken and mashed potatoes. I can’t say they’d be completely bland without, but they are YUMMY with.

This meals was a tasty, reasonably filling deal for $2.50. I rarely feel this way immediately after eating a frozen meal, but I really wish I had bought more of this one while they were on sale. I will certainly be on the lookout. 66% RDA of sodium may be a bit much for someone trying to be healthy, but if you’re looking for a good size (but not too big) and tasty lunch (or dinner - maybe add a roll?), I recommend Marie Callender’s Country Fried Chicken and Gravy.