Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 bowl, 8.55oz.
Calories: 740
Fat: 54%, 35g
Cholesterol: 20%, 60mg
Sodium: 42%, 1000mg
Protein: 14g
Carbs: 32%, 96g
Fiber: 0%, 0g

Jimmy Dean says: No description on box. I should have taken this as a sign.

Abi says: I have an admission to make. I like Brown ‘N’ Serve Sausage. Yeah, the pre-cooked breakfast sausage that has ingredients that are likely scary but I wouldn’t know because I stay far, far away from the metadata for products like these. It turns out that ConAgra is also a bit reluctant to clue you in on the nutrition information for these guys:

But you don’t want to know about my illicit love of pre-cooked sausage links (#1 point of awesomeness: no casings). No, you want to know about this bowl of pancakes, sausage, and syrup.

First, unless you’re being threatened by rapidly dropping blood sugar, you won’t need more than half the packet of syrup. And for the foodies out there, this isn’t Vermont maple syrup. No, this is corn syrup with caramel color added. What did you expect? Accompanying the packet of syrup are three extraordinarily mushy pancakes and three sausages. Some covert chef imbued these pancakes with the ability to trap all available steam in the vector of their doughy rounds. No, I don’t know what that sentence means either. I guess I’ve been reading too many spy novels lately.

I was expecting only two sausages in this meal, so the third was a slight surprise. Though, I shouldn’t have been surprised because the picture on the box shows three sausages. Then again, I have been mislead by pictures on frozen food boxes too many times to count. Unfortunately for my stomach, microwaving sausage is a recipe for rubberiness. And while rubber might be an important factor in tires and condoms, it does not make for a pleasant sausage-eating experience.

Yes, I said that. This entire meal is a textural nightmare and even though I know that I’ll probably have to try the other ones just to finish off this category.

[Thanks to Nicole for giving me this meal when I was hungry for some breakfast and had no cash.]

Price: $2.50 (sale)
Serving: 1 sandwich, 4.5 oz.
Calories: 480
Fat: 46%, 30g
Sodium: 35%, 830mg
Protein: 13g
Carbohydrates: 9%, 28g
Fiber: 6%, 1g

Jimmy Dean says: We take great tasting Jimmy Dean Sausage, combine it with a fluffy biscuit and other ingredients, to make a sandwich that’s hearty enough to fill you up. Jimmy Dean sandwiches also offer the variety that you’re looking for in your routine.

Abi says: I’d been looking forward to reviewing some non-oatmeal breakfast items for some time. Eventually Jimmy Dean sandwiches went on sale and I hopped on the sauasage train. Wow, that last sentence sounds so, so wrong. The sandwich in that picture was not consumed by me. That was George’s sandwich and he seemed to enjoy it. Before cooking my Jimmy Dean Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuit in the microwave, I decided to take out the cheese. For all of the supposed culinary tradition regarding cheese and eggs, they are really only supposed to be combined in the form of quiche. Jimmy Dean does not make quiche. If he did make quiche, I would probably tell you to stay away from that too.

Instead of quiche, Mr. Dean makes sausage-heavy items like this sandwich. While it could do in a pinch, I don’t think that I will ever eat another one in my life. Even on sale, the sandwiches are $1.25 each. If I’m going to splurge (health-wise) on a sausage biscuit sandwich, I might as well get a better one at McDonald’s.

Jimmy Dean’s biscuit was somewhat heavy and chewy, the sausage became rubbery in the microwave, and the egg wasn’t enjoying the party. If you really, really need to consume such a non-healthy breakfast item perhaps you’d be better served by going to McDonald’s.

On a non-nutritional note, Jimmy Dean played millionaire Willard Whyte in the 1971 James Bond movie, Diamonds Are Forever. Thank you Wikipedia!

Also, there is something insanely delicious about pork sausage. George and I try to stay away from pork and beef sausage, generally cooking with the healthier chicken or turkey varieties. But when it comes to breakfast, thanks for not being Jewish, mom.

(It is late and I am writing this after the Capitals’ incredible victory over the Rangers [Olie Kolzig had an amazing night] anyways, please pardon my poor punctuation. - Abi Jones, Ed.)