Nicole
Quite frankly, nobody understands how Nicole manages to stay skinny while consuming plenty of Hungry-Man and Stouffer's meals.
In addition to defying caloric consumption models, Nicole likes to wear too-high heels and play video games, though not necessarily at the same time. She enjoys Guitar Hero and she once called in sick because she'd played too much Grand Theft Auto.
Really, do you know anyone else who's taken the day off for 'eye fatigue'? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Latest Reviews by Nicole:
Hormel Compleats Santa Fe Style Chicken
May 9, 2008 | Reviewer: Nicole
Serving size: 1 Tray, 10 oz
Calories: 280
Total Fat: 6%, 4g
Saturated Fat: 5%, 1g
Trans Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 23%, 550mg
Carbohydrates: 14%, 41g
Dietary Fiber: 16%, 4g
Sugars: 6g
Protein: 36%, 20g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points
Hormel says: Santa Fe Style Chicken with Rice, Black Beans & Fire Roasted Corn.
Nicole says:
- Nicole: Have you eaten the hormel santa fe style chicken?
- Matt: Not yet
- Matt: I only had the beef one
- Nicole: It seems my camera (phone) has decided it is completely non-operational
- Nicole: Might you share your photo when you do eat it?
- Matt: I will
- Matt: Did you see my review of the beef peppers?
- Matt: It’s NASTY
- Nicole: Yes
- Nicole: I’m scared
- Matt: It’s more like Fear Factor then Heat Eat Review
- Nicole: You are making things worse for me right now
- Nicole: I’m about to eat shelf stable chicken
- Matt: Shelf stable?
- Nicole: As in, sits on a shelf versus frozen food, which is a preservation method I am much more comfortable with.
- Nicole: Seriously, the idea of eating this is giving me pain and slight nausea
- Matt: I hear ya
I know that reviews are supposed to be objective, but they are also supposed to be honest. The idea of shelf-stable meats outside of a can (soup, tuna) scares me. I have tried it before, and it was . . . okay . . . but definitely not “good”.
And that was not chicken.
There was initial comfort: when I tried to poke “several slits” in the heavy plastic seal on this meal with my fork, it proved impossible. This is a good seal. I had to use the knife we keep in the office for ice cream cakes.
Note about cooking: the alternative to microwave coking this meal is to simmer it while sealed in a pot of boiling water. I suggest you campers keep this in mind.
The aroma of the cooked meal (90 seconds is a REALLY quick cooking time) was heavy with tomato sauce. And the flavor is very heavy on tomato - it even overpowers the beans, which I expected to taste as the primary but they just peek through the sauce, though they are nicely cooked - firm enough to have texture but not hard - no “mush” there.
The corn has completely taken on tomato flavor, but it has retained it’s crunch. And I know you’re going to ask - yes, it it blackened in spots since it’s “fire roasted”.
The chicken is the thing I really don’t want to think about. In reality, the texture is better than the chalky texture that results from some microwaved frozen meals or the hard edges from others. This is moist, and it tastes like tomato sauce.
The rice is just saucy rice. All ingredients (there are actually two types of beans) are fairly represented throughout the meal, including a couple chunks of stewed tomato.
There is nothing wrong with this meal - the one major complaint would be that all the ingredients have the same flavor, though they distinguish themselves texturally. It’d be nice to taste corn and chicken as well.
But it is more than that. Hormel is going to have to work hard for the average person to conceive realistically of grabbing a plastic tray of chicken and rice off the shelf, heating it for less than two minutes, and consuming it. Maybe it’s not actually different than a can of soup, but we’ve been eating out of cans since people were speaking Aramaic, or nearly that long. I am sure there were cowboys eating out of cans before the Hollywood cowboys did so. We are in a plastic age, but have we advanced mentally far enough for it to preserve all our foods? Kudos to the technology, but I can’t get into it yet. It’ll take several more experiments and a couple more years before it feels “right”.
Or, please just put it in a can. Doubly beneficial, as I know I can recycle a can - this plastic tray is polypropylene, and I’m not sure if my building accepts it. And my stomach will be far more welcoming. Sure, I’ll need to pour it into a dish to cook it, which means there will be dishes to do, but I’d rather dirty dishes than slight nausea throughout lunch.
This isn’t a bad meal. It’s not bland, though it is one-note. It’s reasonably filling for it’s size and caloric content, likely because it has rice and beans and chicken (though also because my stomach shrinks when it’s afraid - sorry.) If you can mentally put aside the packaging and you like simple canned soups, you would most likely enjoy this meal. And it’s sooo healthy compared to even many of your Lean Cuisine meals. I just can’t handle it.
Hungry-Man Buffalo Style Chicken Strips
April 8, 2008 | Reviewer: Nicole
Price: $2.75 (4/$11 sale, Safeway)
Calories 920
Total Fat 54%, 35g
Saturated Fat 35%, 7g
Cholesterol 42%, 125mg
Sodium 39%, 930mg
Carbohydrates 24%, 71g
Dietary Fiber 5%, 6g
Sugars 34g
Protein 34g
Weight Watchers Points: 21 WW Points
Hungry-Man says: Fried chicken patties coated in a floured buffalo style seasoning with french fries, corn & a brownie.
Nicole Says: If chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows, where does chocolate corn come from? At some point in its short life, my Hungry Man meal must have defrosted pretty well, because not only did I have a significant portion of corn enter my brownie section, but some of the kernels were actually frozen in. So I had no choice but to bake them in. And that’s after 5 minutes of digging conglomerated frozen corn out of said brownie section.
The cooking is also less-than-straightforward. Remove film over all except corn, five minutes cook time, remove brownie (not so easy to scrape it all out) and then back in to nuke for two more minutes.
I went into this with some skepticism. Buffalo Chicken and a Brownie? Is this for overweight pre-teen males (1 LB. OF FOOD)? Although, hey, I’m excited about the brownie.
So beginning with the safest route, the fries are good, not too soggy, but they could use a touch of salt (and why, oh, why, don’t I have a small ketchup bottle at the office?) There are a lot of fries here - maybe a McDonal’ds Medium? But thick and crinkle-cut, like classic frozen fries.
The corn is buttery in flavor without being in a soupy pool of buttery water. There’s also a slight sweetness to the corn, but that could be bits of brownie mix baked on. In the brownie-to-corn direction, this is not a tragedy. The serving size is slightly larger than your average section-meal’s veg serving.
Four chicken strips sit atop my fries, each about the size of two McD’s nuggets - looking sort of splotchy red-and-yellow and … crispy?! Upon closer inspection, there is some visible sogginess on the bottom of a couple strips. Perhaps they should be flipped at the cooking-interruption point where the brownie is removed to crisp on both sides? Because the tops and sides are actually crispy, and I’m totally impressed. I think it’s the fact of cooking atop the fries that helps this out - on the undersides, the soggy sections were only those touching plastic during the cooking process rather than resting atop french fries.
(It’s too bad country/chicken-friend steak/chicken goes so well with smashed potatoes. Otherwise we could cook that atop fries, too, and make Nicole’s world complete.)
The “buffalo” flavor of the strips is questionable. I was expecting a sharp, tangy vinegar-hot sauce experience, but the tang isn’t really there. However, there is a subtle, slowly building spice and heat flavoring the strips, and it’s damn tasty. If you like REALLY spicy food, well, you’d better have your bottle of hot sauce handy.
After chicken-strip-happiness began, I decided to interrupt for a mid-meal dessert, out of fear that a less-than-great brownie might leave me on the wrong foot. The brownie (corn and all) is very so-so. It is chocolately but not very sugary (slightly towards bitter), pretty moist in texture. I think that chocolate lover (not connoisseurs, but lovers) would be very pleased. I, myself, am glad I have some crispy spiciness left.
Surprise, surpise, this meal is quite filling. I think that the spiciness of the chicken combines with the 1 LB. OF FOOD to make me . . . full . . . and happy . . . I will absolutely buy this meal again, but I may save it for dinner, because I might just be ruined as far as working goes for the next 30 minutes.
[Nicole, there’s another one in Kitchen 2. -Ed.]
Lean Cuisine Flatbread Melts Chicken Ranch Club
March 7, 2008 | Reviewer: Nicole
Price: Free from Lean Cuisine
Servings Per Container: 1
Calories: 330
Total Fat: 14%, 8g
Saturated Fat: 16%, 3g
Cholesterol: 8%, 20g
Sodium: 26%, 640g
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 14%, 41g
Dietary Fiber: 17%, 4g
Sugars: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points
Lean Cuisine says: White meat chicken, tomato, bacon & a ranch sauce in a soft flatbread.
Nicole says: I love bacon. I love it so much that I’ll even use those imitation bacon bits at the salad bar. They still taste “of” bacon, right? The essence of bacon. This flatbread melt has that same essence. And much more.
This must be the most colorful frozen meal I’ve had in weeks. Bright reds, yellows, greens, a light yellow “ranch sauce”. And as with my previous flatbread experience, this thing is herbed. As in, it contains some herbs and spices, and some flavor survived the freezing process. The flavor is the thing here- you can actually tell the ingredients apart by taste - the chicken tastes like chicken, the tomato tastes like tomato.
And the cheese? Well, there are two kinds, (reduced fat) mozzarella and (light pasteurized process) cheddar. The diet cheese is by no means a highlight of this meal, but you can taste it from time to time. I just hate the way it cooks up - light cheese is a very bad, highly uneven melter. Boo.
The flatbread aspect of the meal does three things. It holds the ingredients - you know, it’d be tough to eat a mess of chicken, tomatoes, yellow peppers, spring onions, and cheese without a conduit. It also makes the meal remotely filling, so you cold actually get away with eating this on its own for lunch (I, however, will supplement). Unfortunately, the chewiness of the bread and the juxtaposition of its flavorlessness next to the nicely seasoned filling takes away from the meal. I think they need to herb the flatbread, too.
Amy’s Kitchen Single Serving Spinach Pizza
February 19, 2008 | Reviewer: Nicole
Serving Size: 1 pizza, 7.18oz.
Calories: 440
Total Fat: 28%, 18g
Saturated Fat: 30%, 6g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 33%, 780mg
Total Carbs: 18%, 54g
Dietary Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugars: 5g
Protein: 19g
Weight Watchers Points: 10 Points
Amy’s Kitchen says: Even if you don’t ordinarily eat spinach, you’ll like this pizza. The light, tender crust made from organic wheat flour and extra virgin olive oil is first topped with our savory italian sauce made from organic tomatoes. Then we add organic spinach blended with feta and sprinkle mozzarella on top. Delicious and satisfying.
Nicole says: It’s rare that I review two meals in a day. Rarer still that I eat organic, vegetarian fare. But see, I’m hungry, and just about all the meals in the fridge are too-be-reviewed. And I like spinach. I’m just not in the mood for Pineapple Black Bean Chicken. And not just because it comes with raisins.
Amy’s pizza has “No GMOs”, or biologically engineered ingredients.
The preparation of Amy’s pizza is onerous and does not allow for the use of a microwave, so you’d better have a conventional or toaster oven. Preheat your toaster oven - okay!… remove the pizza from it’s outer wrapping - this doesn’t look too bad… and let it thaw on the counter for 15-20 minutes. Are you kidding me? I suppose if you love this thing, you’d know about the thaw time, and would plan ahead for your hunger. But being an Amy’s pizza newbie, I was disappointed, and my tummy was growling. I waited, and waited… 15 minutes. Toaster oven bake time is seven to nine minutes - my cheese browned just a bit after 7.5 minutes in - but the meal was cold again fifteen minutes later.
I should probably mention that this pizza was a tad bit freezer burnt out of the work freezer - it’s been in there at least five months [It has been there for at least 10 months - Ed]. This may have affected the quality. But that happens to all of us - you keep pushing back the toaster oven meals in favor of microwave meals so you don’t need to get your security key and enter the other side of your office and wait in a strange, small kitchen for seven to nine minutes rather than returning to your desk to work.
Amy’s pizza crust looks quite lovely, but you can see an awful lot of it - the cheese on this pizza is a hair skimpy. It did crisp up well on the edges, but was a bit soggy towards the middle of the pizza. Back to the cheese, there are two kinds - feta mixed into the spinach and mozzarella to cover. I love feta, but I couldn’t taste it at all. The spinach is about the only flavor you really get out of this pizza. When I hit a tomato, it was juicy and had great texture but it tasted of spinach. This pie is lacking a complexity of flavors that we’ve come to expect from . . . pizza with more than one topping. The spinach, feta, and tomato were concentrated in certain areas, and I liked those bites, but other bites were flat-out bland.
I’m still hungry. It’s just a hungry day. But my stomach stopped growling at me, so I suppose I’m full. I would recommend a side or snack if you wish to make a meal out of this 7.2 ounce pizza. Although it’s like the healthy, vegetarian equivalent of a Celeste pizza. Still, I wouldn’t push this one on anybody unless they had a strong spinach craving.
