Food, like a loving touch or a glimpse of divine power, has that ability to comfort. ~Norman Kolpas

Jess

Jess's dedication to the culinary arts began at a young age when she spear-headed the raw food movement at 5 years of age, stubbornly refusing to eat anything other than uncooked zucchini, much to her parents concern. Later, when this became boring, she realized that raw foods lack the variety in food consistency that a growing girl needs in order to appreciate diversity and promptly gave up on the whole thing.

At 17, after years of eating her mother's flavorful entrees, always cooked with either love or bitterness at being under-appreciated, she left home. Once Jess started living on her own, she quickly realized a few important things:

  1. She didn't know how to cook nor could she correctly identify most cooking tools
  2. Were she interested in learning to cook, this would take both considerable time and energy of which he had neither
  3. Even once she learned how to cook, cooking itself took time and energy and money. Forget that!
  4. God/Mrs. Stouffer had invented microwave meals, dishes that were eatable in under 5 minutes and required very little preparation time.

Thusly her fate was sealed � a devout microwave meal eater she would become.

From veggie burgers to ramen noodles to strange individual servings of flaky fake potatoes she has seen and just barely been able to swallow it all (except pork and seafood entrees which she just won't do). She's more than happy to share her trials and tribulations with the Internet, always doused with a little bit of "too much personal information" as garnish.

Jess also enjoys televised water polo on mute with her own iPod as soundtrack, animated hand gestures, irony (but not in the Alanis Morrisette way), beverages with little umbrellas and undeserved praise.

Latest Reviews by Jess:

Amy’s Kitchen Cheese Enchiladas

April 4, 2006 | Reviewer: Jess

Amy's Kitchen Cheese Enchilada

Price: $3.75
Serving: 1 enchilada, 4.5 oz.
Actual Serving: 2 enchiladas, but info below is for a single enchilada
Calories: 230
Fat: 22%, 14g
Cholesterol: 11%, 35mg
Sodium: 18%, 440mg
Protein: 10g
Carbs: 6%, 18g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
WW Points: 6 Points for ONE enchilada

**

Amy’s Kitchen says: We start with fresh tortillas made with organic white corn, fill them with a blend of jack and cheddar cheeses accented by olives and peppers, and cover them with a traditional Mexican sauce made from organic tomatoes.

Jess says: Passersby observed that these enchiladas both looked terrible and smelled wonderful. I agree. Whatever the ingredients may imply, this enchilada was filled entirely with cheese without even the suggestion of other fixings, except tortilla of course. Foes of the lactose, beware! This lunch is not for you! Now, I am not one to complain about a mouth full of cheese (it was surely tasty), but about 15 minutes later my stomach said “now hold on there” and has been feeling less than content ever since. I will not point fingers at you enchilada since Amy’s frozen food has always been a friend, but I think I’m going to stick with the black bean version in the future. It was more of a friend when I needed one. Oh and serving size is one enchilada when two come in the cardboard bowl. That is a jackass move, cheese enchilada, and I will not stand for it!

Abi says: While taking this picture I realized that I really, really wanted to trade meals with Jess. It smelled like heaven.

Filed Under 6 WW Points, Amy's Kitchen Reviews, Two Stars, Vegetarian | 6 Comments 

Betty Crocker Herb Chicken flavored Vegetable Rice

April 4, 2006 | Reviewer: Jess

Betty Crocker: Herb Chicken flavored Vegetable Rice

Price: $1.29/bowl
Serving: 1 bowl, 2.4 oz (plus water)
Calories: 260
Fat: 9%
Sodium: 35%

***

Betty says: Tender rice and garden-style vegetables in a rich herb chicken stock

Jessica says: While I was at first disappointed by the Herb Chicken flavored Vegetable rice’s interpretation of vegetable (while adding water to the necessary line I observed that “vegetable” in fact meant “just peas”) I later discovered that the peppers were lurking at the bottom and this made me happy. Full of flavor and with a surprising hint of a cheesy taste, this meal was the best thing going for $1.29.

Filed Under Betty Crocker Reviews, Chicken, Three Stars | 1 Comment 

Lean Cuisine Honey Dijon Grilled Chicken

April 4, 2006 | Reviewer: Jess

Lean Cuisine Dijon Chicken

Price: $1.50 at Giant
Serving size: 1 package, 8 oz
Calories: 220
Fat: 11%
Sodium: 27%
Protein: 17 grams

*

They say: Grilled chicken strips covered with a tangy honey-mustard sauce accompanied by green beans almondine.

Jess says: There is probably food that you could take out of a garbage can, mix together in a blender, and drink, which would taste better than Lean Cuisine’s Dijon Chicken. Though the beans weren’t so bad. By that I mean string beans.

Jess says minutes later: I feel dirty having eaten it.

Filed Under 5 WW Points, Chicken, Lean Cuisine Reviews, One Star | 3 Comments 

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