Jess

Jess's dedication to the culinary arts began at a young age when she spear-headed the raw food movement at 5 years of age, stubbornly refusing to eat anything other than uncooked zucchini, much to her parents concern. Later, when this became boring, she realized that raw foods lack the variety in food consistency that a growing girl needs in order to appreciate diversity and promptly gave up on the whole thing.

At 17, after years of eating her mother's flavorful entrees, always cooked with either love or bitterness at being under-appreciated, she left home. Once Jess started living on her own, she quickly realized a few important things:

She didn't know how to cook nor could she correctly identify most cooking tools
Were she interested in learning to cook, this would take both considerable time and energy of which he had neither
Even once she learned how to cook, cooking itself took time and energy and money. Forget that!
God/Mrs. Stouffer had invented microwave meals, dishes that were eatable in under 5 minutes and required very little preparation time.

Thusly her fate was sealed � a devout microwave meal eater she would become.

From veggie burgers to ramen noodles to strange individual servings of flaky fake potatoes she has seen and just barely been able to swallow it all (except pork and seafood entrees which she just won't do). She's more than happy to share her trials and tribulations with the Internet, always doused with a little bit of "too much personal information" as garnish.

Jess also enjoys televised water polo on mute with her own iPod as soundtrack, animated hand gestures, irony (but not in the Alanis Morrisette way), beverages with little umbrellas and undeserved praise.

Latest Reviews by Jess:

Smart Ones Fruit Inspirations Orange Sesame Chicken

May 6, 2008 | Reviewer: Jess

Smart Ones Fruit Inspirations Orange Sesame Chicken Price: $3.19 (Free to me)
Serving: 1
Calories: 320 per serving
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 14g
Carbohydrates: 16%, 48g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 12g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Smart Ones says: Smart Ones Fruit Inspirations meals are delicious new recipes inspired by the natural goodness of fruit. Now you can make every bite count with wonderful dishes that combine the intense flavor of real fruit into your everyday meals of juicy meat or poultry and crisp vegetables. Smart Ones. Taste so good, you want to be good.

Jess says: I recently opted to attend a sales and marketing training held by my company. I was actually glad I went as it was pretty interesting and there were thankfully no Glengarry Glen Ross references. Now, with my new sales maverick skills I can see right through Smart Ones thinly veiled marketing ploy with this line of meals. These are not new frozen meals using fruit in innovative ways but rather they are established fruit-using items. It is not inspirational to add cranberries to turkey and stuffing, nor is it revolutionary to use a citrus sauce for a chicken and rice dish. These items are merely being rebranded so as to now appear new, interesting and different and cause the jaded microwave meal eater to choose this meal from among the large freezer case aisle of sameness.

Does the marketing ploy taint the deliciousness? Not for this meal. The sauce was quite good if you appreciate a good sweet and sour syrupyness to your lunch. This, incidentally, is not Abi, which she will tell you with passion if you mention such food items. I do love sweet and sour flavor blends and so I made sure to get fork fulls of that corn starchy goop with each bite of rice and chicken. The orange essence is definitely palpable here, in a good way. I think that is because they use orange juice concentrate. So if you are not an orange person a) why did you even think about this meal? And b) it does taste like orange, so don’t eat it. However, back to marketing ploys, you will see on the box large orange chunks of what look like juicy mandarin oranges. Not so in real life my friend, at least not in my box. I did sometimes see orange hued strings that could have once belonged to an intact orange but this was just my best guess because of the context clues. The pepper bits were also much much smaller in real life. The chicken pieces were ample. The breading got a little too soggy for my liking, but they tasted just fine.

Overall, Orange Sesame Chicken was pretty filling for a Smart Ones meal. It is pretty much on the same level as Lean Cuisine’s Sweet and Sour Chicken, which I will purchase whenever it is on sale. This meal was entirely worth the nothing I paid for this. Oh that’s right. I’m a deal maker now! Always be closing, readers, always be closing.

[This meal from free from the folks at Smart Ones’ Public Relations company -Ed.]

Filed Under 7 WW Points, Chicken, Smart Ones Reviews, Three Stars | 5 Comments

Deep Foods Undhiu

March 20, 2008 | Reviewer: Jess

Deep Foods Undhiu (Mixed Vegetables) Price: $4.00
Serving: 1/2 package, 5oz.
Calories: 210
Fat: 22%, 14g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 19%, 470mg
Protein: 3g
Carbohydrates: 6%, 19g
Fiber: 11%, 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 per Serving

Deep Foods says: Mixed Vegetables sauteed and seasoned in authentic Indian style. Vegetarian Delight.

Jess says: When it comes to microwave food, I’ve been around the block a few times. I know the staples, the Stouffers and Lean Cuisines of this world. And I know about the niche markets of vegan delights and celebrity named frozen food brands. I have explored the freezer cases of many a supermarket, organic market and convenience store. So it is with great pleasure that I embark on new territory. Oh to be the Leif Erickson of this flash frozen new world! It is an honor, ney, a privilege. To find this Undhiu Indian food brand was a special treat because, damn, I love Indian food. The things Indian chefs can do with mere peas! Peas! Bring it on, I say.

It was only when I opened this box that I realized there was no rice in this meal. What a let down. No matter how tastily compiled your Indian fare maybe, you need that starchy rice goodness to sop up all the liquid and expand in your hungry stomach. Otherwise you have less of a meal and more of a spicy soupy appetizer. So I left the meal to thaw and picked up some basmati rice, naan and stuffed grape leaves at this foodery of unknown ethnic allegiance down the street. They mix Indian, Mediterranean and American all over their menu, but they are cheap and delicious so I don’t ask too many questions.

Back at the office, and now super hungry, I fell into a trance staring at the microwave and took in the sweet, spicy smells of this meal coming to life. True to smell, the taste was nothing short of kick ass. It’s on the sweeter nutmegish side with a good helping of veggies. And what is that tender burst of goodness my mouth encountered? A sweet potato! Well, hello beautiful. With the rice and naan, the portion was mighty and managed to be enough for a second lunch the next day. Each day I found myself to be the happiest of the desk-enslaved.

So now, Internet, I’m torn. How does one rate a truly delicious meal that is not a self contained entity, but merely a key ingredient to the final product? I think I still have to give it 3 stars. With the rice and naan, I spent over $8 on this meal which is A LOT for microwave food. It did last 2 days, though, which puts it at $4 a meal which isn’t too bad. But then there is the cost of doing so much extra work to get the final product together. Once I got to the eatery I just could have bought their food, which I like to pretend is fresh, and would have been done with the whole fiasco of lunching. Let us remember that the idea of microwave food is the convenience. Still, I would recommend that you try this brand if you stumble on it. Just remember to have some rice on hand.

Ingredients: Potatoes, Eggplant, Green Beans, Pigeon Peas, Corn Oil, Bell Peppers, Sweet Potatoes, Lima Beans, Tomatoes, Plantain, Spinach, Chickpeas, Sugar, Coconut, Coriander, Salt, Spices, Peppers, Sesame Seeds, Wheat Flour, Rye, Turmeric and Citric Acid.

[If you’re into Trader Joe’s products, we recommend the microwavable rice (it comes in boxes) and the frozen naan. Amy adores Trader Joe’s Garlic Naan. -Ed.]

Filed Under 5 WW Points, Cholesterol Free, Deep Foods Reviews, Made in the United States, Vegetarian | 10 Comments

Healthy Choice Minestrone Soup

February 12, 2008 | Reviewer: Jess

Healthy Choice Minestrone Soup Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1 cup, 8.6oz.
Calories: 200 per serving
Fat: 3%, 2g
Cholesterol: 1%, 5mg
Sodium: 20%, 470mg
Protein: 7g
Carbohydrates: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 21%, 5g
Sugar: 9g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points

Healthy Choice says: Made with tender penne pasta and hearty cuts of carrots, celery, green beans and potatoes in a sweet & savory tomato base

Jess says: There is a really strange stomach bug going around right now. It’s super contagious. In fact you probably just caught it from me through the web of inter-tubes. Sorry, my bad. The thing about this bug is, while you only feel actually sick for a very short period time, you feel generally not so right for a long time after. For a while I tried curing myself on a diet of vodka and French Toast. As it turns out, that is not the best medicine. Now, I’ve switched to a diet of oatmeal and soup and that seems to be working much much better. Lately, I have become a bit of a soup-noisseur and I have to say that Healthy Choice Minestrone definitely gets it right. Here’s why:

It’s Healthy Choice - so it’s probably healthy? And thus I feel somewhat better about what I’m eating. Some of the other brands throw a lot of salt in or are cream-based and too heavy (though more and more low-cal soups are available). I always feel like kind of a nutjob when I am observed analyzing and comparing labels in the market. I liked that just by looking at this label I felt I was, well, making a healthy choice.
Lots and lots of veggies – I mean damn! Each spoonful was overloaded with vegetable goodness and at least one noodle, usually more. With a lot of other brands, (Campbell for instance) there are a lot of sad looking brothly spoonfuls with just a veggie fleck. I like broth and the broth of this minestrone is pretty hearty, tomatoey and basilriffic. But when 50% of your diet is soup, something with more substance is really appreciated. The veggies were plump, fresh-tasting (somehow) and flavorful. The beans were especially soft and delicious.
Flip top – perfect for eating at work where there is definitely not a can opener. Why are there still cans that aren’t flip top? Why do some companies resist the temptation to evolve and embrace technology? And is it inevitable that you will splatter soup all over you when removing that last connection of flip top to the can? I think so.
Bowl packaging - No need to steal other people’s Tupperware. Yay!
Filling and delicious – I am on the road to wellness now. I can feel it! In fact, I would even have this soup when I’m not sick! It was that good. And no refrigeration necessary! Bonus points.

Buon appetito!

Filed Under 3 WW Points, Four Stars, Healthy Choice Reviews | 6 Comments

Lean Cuisine Chicken Tuscan Panini

January 10, 2008 | Reviewer: Jess

Lean Cuisine Chicken Tuscan Panini Price: Provided by PR Company
Serving: 1 panini, 6oz.
Calories: 340
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 12%, 35mg
Sodium: 25%, 590mg
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 15%, 45g
Fiber: 16%, 4g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 points

Lean Cuisine says: Tender white meat chicken, peppers, olives, tomatoes and margherita-style sauce on Italian herb bread

Jess says: During the holiday season, I hear a lot of people talking about losing and/or keeping off weight. They say this a lot, as if the power of the declaration will make all the temptation of green and red sprinkled donuts, ginger bread lattes and holiday food stuffs from business consultants disappear.

It wouldn’t surprise me if this time of year was a boom season for Lean Cuisine and may explain why my Giant is being so grinchy about their sales on my LC favorites. If you are willing to pay full price for a Lean Cuisine, I’d again encourage you to stay away from their Paninis. All of these sandwiches that I’ve tried (this would be the second, the first was the Chicken, Spinach and Mushroom variety) are best called stale-toast-inis and offer very little in either substance or taste. The bread uses the technology of microwave toasting sheets to come out hard, crusty and unappetizing. The fillings, which are entirely average tasting, are meager. The resulting itty-bitty square of food disappears quickly and leads to a cheated, empty, still-hungry feeling after lunch that puts a damper on the rest of the day.

Remember that the key to losing weight is smart eating and sweating in the sauna that is over-crowded malls. Starvation, on the other hand, often leads to binging on the free foodstuffs in the office kitchen at 3:19 pm and a strange sense of shame upon being caught having eaten it all by your repulsed coworker. Mmm, assorted chocolates.

Filed Under 7 WW Points, Chicken, Lean Cuisine Reviews, One Star | 26 Comments