Guest Reviewers

The guest reviewers at HeatEatReview.com are usually one-time review volunteers.

Latest Reviews by Guest Reviewers:

Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast

March 14, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast Price: $1.50
Serving: 1 package, 8 7/8oz.
Calories: 360
Fat: 27%, 18g
Cholesterol: 14%, 45mg
Sodium: 36%, 880mg
Protein: 20g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 30g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 Points

Stouffer’s says: Tender boneless chicken breast with rib meat in a seasoned crispy coating with mashed potatoes and gravy

Kelly says: I am adapting to the South. When I lived in the Great White North I used to be embarrassed about how much time I spent on my hair. The only reason my excessive blow-drying was acceptable was that if my hair wasn’t completely dry when I left the house it would freeze onto my head in curly icicles. But now I live in the suburbs of the ATL, a place where my own personal vanities are nothing compared to those of the women who were born in the South. They have other people to blow dry their hair for them.

Other things I like about the South: Fried Chicken. I never knew anyone with a deep-fryer, let alone people who had their own family fried chicken recipes. I feel compelled to make my coworkers get into arguments about whose fried chicken is better just so that they’ll have a fry-off and I’ll get to reap the greasy rewards.

By now, my boyfriend knows not to get between a born-again Southern girl and her fried chicken. He also knows that fried chicken is awful for both of us so even though he is a great cook, he never makes it. Ladies: don’t get involved with a professional cook because while you’ll feast when you first start dating one day you will get to work and realize that you are looking forward to your frozen meal because you get to review it.

Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast Meal is not a worthy substitute for Fried Chicken. Buying this was just dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Because I live in the South. South, South, South. So I will not give you this review as a Southerner. I will put on my staid, commonsense Lutheran cap and let you know just what you’ll get from Stouffer’s.

Visual inspection of the meal reveals a bigger than my hand and slightly thicker than an iPod piece of chicken. The chicken is covered with an orange breading that I assume will be seasoned because orange = seasoned. See Curly Fries and Cheez Whiz for proof of orange/flavor correlation. The chicken rests next to a clementine-orange sized pile of mashed potatoes. They are white. They are gravied. The gravy looks like the water that gathers everywhere during the Spring thaw: thickly beige and speckled with dirt. Or spices in the gravy’s case. I am sure that Stouffer’s is not trying to make me eat dirt.

The meat is nice white stuff that I can cut with the side of my fork. It exhibits chew and flavor, but the breading is soggy. If I hadn’t been repeatedly exposed to the delicious virus known as Fried Chicken then I would probably think this is not too bad. As it happens, anyone who is familiar with the fried will be really disappointed in this breading.

The mashed potatoes are fluffy and come in too small of a portion for such a big piece of chicken. I like to chop up my chicken into bite size chunks and then mix it in with my gravied mashed potatoes and pretend that I’m back home eating a hot dish. I guess the people at Stouffer’s don’t take the potato as seriously as the people at the United Nations.

I love gravy and I am happy that both of my homelands are also places of gravy love. Is there a part of the United States that doesn’t like gravy? If so, I do not want to live there. This is a light gravy and I really appreciate that there’s enough of it for both my chicken and my mashed potatoes. But if I had my way and there were more mashed potatoes then I would need more gravy.

As an almost Southerner, I wouldn’t be able to stomach this meal. But if I was at home, visiting my parents in the dead of winter, I would pick up one or two of these at Coburn’s to tide me over until I re-entered the republic of the South.

P.S. I’m sorry about the long intro on the review, but nobody here seems to understand that the rest of the country just does not take blow-drying that seriously. They would be aghast if they ever visited Brooklyn. But man, I would pay money (premium cable money) to see a show about a bunch of Southern Ladies dropped in the middle of New York City. “Oh my goodness, Louise! That young man failed to open a door for me! What ever shall I do?”

P.P.S. I’m sorry about the weird picture. There was stuff from work in it (Kelly is not my real name) so I had to edit out a bunch of stuff with MS Paint.

Filed Under 8 WW Points, Chicken, Stouffer's Frozen Meal Reviews, Three Stars | 7 Comments

Trader Joe’s Goat Cheese Pizza

February 14, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Trader Joe’s Goat Cheese Pizza Price: $3.69
Serving: 1/2 pizza, 4.5oz.
Calories: 280 per serving
Fat: 16%, 11g
Cholesterol: 35%, 11mg
Sodium: 33%, 800mg
Protein: 15g
Carbohydrates: 11%, 33g
Fiber: 5%, 1g
Sugar: 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Trader Joe says: Goat cheese pizza with mozzarella, asiago, smoked provolone and romano cheeses, garlic and basil.

Kelly says: My apologies to all of you without a Trader Joe’s nearby. I keep finding wonderful things there and you’ll just have to deal with it. I found this pizza in the refrigerated section, so don’t go confusing it with frozen food. It is not frozen, it is fresh, fresh, fresh! It is also sublime with garlicky goodness and savory goat cheese.

I know that there are also a lot of people in this world who find goat cheese intolerable. In some ways I am sorry about that because you won’t like this pizza. I also have to admit that your weird taste buds make me happy because I don’t have to worry about this item being out of stock. Vive la difference!

Because it comes from the fridge section, this pizza cooks up faster than your standard frozen fare. The small size also helps with that speedy cooking, but it means that you’ve got to watch the oven really closely. There’s no catching up on Tivoed episodes of Lost. No, you can just wait for the hotness that is Sawyer until after this thing is done cooking (please, no spoilers in the comments).

This pizza isn’t health food, but it does cook up brilliantly, with a fantastic cheese variety (five types!) and lots o’seasoning all on a chewy, fresh crust. If you’re counting calories, half of this plus lots of vegetables will be satisfying. Unfortunately, unless you have someone else around to eat the other half right away you’ll probably find yourself sneaking a little slice out of the fridge come midnight.

Filed Under 6 WW Points, Four Stars, Frozen Pizza Reviews, Trader Joe's Reviews | 10 Comments

Lean Cuisine Grilled Chicken with Teriyaki Glaze

January 31, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Lean Cuisine Grilled Chicken with Teriyaki Glaze Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Serving: 1 entree, 10oz.
Calories: 270
Fat: 4%, 3g
Cholesterol: 11%, 40mg
Sodium: 27%, 660mg
Protein: 19g
Carbs: 13%, 42g
Fiber: 0%, 0g
Sugar: 11g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Lean Cuisine says: Grilled chicken breast with pineapple, water chestnuts, and sesame flavored rice.

Kelly says: Upon first glance at this meal I thought “Wow, a whole chicken breast! Crazy!” And now I know that I should listen to my inner voice because it is right all of the flippin’ time. A whole chicken breast is crazy. When I hear the word ‘teriyaki’ I envision dark meat chicken (thighs, to be specific), a scoop of sticky white rice, and a drizzling of sweetly spicy and salty sauce.

Maybe some vegetables too.

I don’t picture a tired, worn-out, whole breast of chicken that’s been cooked in the microwave. I don’t imagine powder-covered nibs of rice claiming to be sesame-flavored when they are in fact just tongue-coating. I don’t think of the bland crunch of water chestnuts, which must be served alongside another vegetable in order to have any meaning in a meal.

In short, when I see teriyaki, I don’t see this Lean Cuisine meal. Whose idea was it to have an enormous chunk of chicken in there? Who thought it would microwave completely without drying out the edges, leaving them tough and gnarly? Doesn’t Lean Cuisine have a stable of food scientists perfecting dishes like their wonderful Thai Style Chicken and Rice? Where were those people when someone decided to make this dish?

This meal can be turned around. All Lean Cuisine has to do is pre-chop the chicken into chunks, add 10 times the veggies, not putting the veggies in the sauce (where they turn to total mush), and forego the pineapple chunks (they are slimy and gooshy after the microwaving). Oh, and select a completely different method of rice preparation and seasoning, because this is the worst rice I’ve ever had in a frozen meal. I know, that seems like a lot of work, but I have confidence in the people of Lean Cuisine. Until that change occurs, I will stay far, far away from anything resembling this meal.

Filed Under 6 WW Points, Chicken, Lean Cuisine Reviews, Zero Stars | 1 Comment

Red Baron Singles Pepperoni French Bread Pizza

January 24, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Red Baron Singles Pepperoni French Bread Pizza Price: $2.50 (sale at Safeway)
Serving: 1 pizza, 5.4oz.
Calories: 350
Fat: 23%, 15g
Cholesterol: 10%, 30mg
Sodium: 46%, 1090mg
Protein: 15g
Carbs: 14%, 41g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 Points

Red Baron says: Introducing delicious Red Baron singles made with the finest ingredients, quality toppings and real cheeses. They make the perfect addition to lunch or dinner, or as a wholesome snack on the go.

This review was ghost-written. George ate the pizza, then Abi asked him about it and put together the text. Then George checked it and said “I write pretty good reviews.”

George says: Grad school isn’t easy. What’s even tougher is living with someone who takes up most of the freezer with off-limits frozen food. Fortunately, Red Baron was on sale at Safeway and I picked up a couple of boxes for just $2.50 each.

One of the features that differentiates this pizza from others is the no-hassle crisping tray. I don’t have to mess around with assembling the tray or unwrapping the pizza and placing it on a poorly constructed tray. I just have to unwrap the pizza, replace the pepperonis that came off when I turned the box upside down, and throw the pizza in the microwave.

Speaking of pepperoni, the pieces on this pizza are ample, ensuring a bit of pepperoni in almost every bite. The cheese is fine, nothing special, but contributing to the making of an overall decent pizza. The sauce is pretty great, but the real highlight of this pizza is the crust. The bread isn’t watery, a hallmark of many cheap pizzas. Instead it tastes like crusty, crispy French Bread, which is very good considering that this is a French Bread Pizza.

A single French Bread pizza isn’t a big meal, but it has just as much volume (maybe more) as one of those 79¢ party pizzas. And those have much sparser cheese and nearly non-existent toppings.

I recommend picking up a box or two whenever you see them on sale. You really can’t beat the price of $1.25 each for reliable, satisfying French Bread pizza.

Filed Under 8 WW Points, Frozen Pizza Reviews, Red Baron Pizza Reviews | 9 Comments