Guest Reviewers

The guest reviewers at HeatEatReview.com are usually one-time review volunteers.

Latest Reviews by Guest Reviewers:

Mrs. Smith’s Heavenly 100 Calorie Apple Crisp

December 26, 2007 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Mrs. Smith’s Heavenly 100 Calorie Apple Crisp Price: $2.59 for two cups
Serving: 1 cup, 3oz.
Calories: 100
Fat: 3%, 2g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 6%, 150mg
Protein: <1g
Carbs: 5%, 16g
Fiber: 4%, <1g
Weight Watchers Points: 2 Points

Mrs. Smith says: Finally, a 100 calorie dessert that really satisfies your sweet cravings. Mrs. Smith’s Heavenly 100 is big on decadent flavor in 100 calorie portions. Now you can enjoy the indulgent taste you love-without the guilt!”

Jennifer says: One night, while searching for a good dessert at my local grocery store, I started thinking about Apple Crisp. I love a good Apple Crisp, with hot cinnamon apples and a crunchy, oaty topping. I searched high and low through the freezer section before I saw a line of Mrs. Smith’s Heavenly 100 Vanilla Custards. Close, but not quite apple crisp. I looked closer and noticed the shelf tag said there should have been an Apple Crisp on hand as well. Nope. All Vanilla Custards. Now I was intrigued. I was on a mission to find those missing Apple Crisp desserts.

After driving all over town, I found and purchased not only the Apple Crisp but I also bought a nice tub of Cool Whip to go along with it. I was excited to find my favorite dessert in a diet friendly way.

The instructions on the box said to microwave for 30-45 seconds. I had to ultimately microwave the damn cup for nearly three minutes. Three minutes! Lets just say that I hoped the unattractive dessert would emerge from my microwave looking like a nice, crispy, and delicious Apple Crisp. Not the case. The cup consisted of tons of sauce, maybe about 15 miniscule pieces of apple, and a teaspoon of soggy topping. I mixed it up with a little Cool Whip thinking that would make it taste even better, but now I’m surprised that I did not develop an automatic cavity from the sweetness of the dessert.

I took about 4 bites of the supposedly heavenly apple crisp and threw it in the trash. By that 4th bite I was close to vomiting from the extremely sweet taste.

This morning I decided to doctor up the second cup with a tablespoon or two of oatmeal. Can’t go wrong with oatmeal, I thought. Nope. Nothing could change this nasty cup of apples. And this time I found 4 chunks of hard apple peel and/or seed particles.

Maybe one day I will try the other desserts in this 100 Calorie line. I’ve learned that Apple Crisp in a microwave is not a good idea, though. It is certainly not “heavenly” and although just 2 Weight Watchers points, its not worth the point value. If you want Apple Crisp either make one or go buy one from a restaurant.

I’m giving Mrs. Smith’s Heavenly 100 Calorie Apple Crisp one star. Maybe it will kill someone’s sweet craving. It certainly won’t defeat anyone’s Apple Crisp craving.

Filed Under 2 WW Points, Mrs. Smith's Reviews, One Star, Schwan's Reviews | 7 Comments

Target Tex-Mex Style Appetizer Rolls

November 20, 2007 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Target Tex-Mex Style Appetizer Rolls Price: $2.69
Serving: 3oz., 3 rolls
Servings Per Container: 2.5
Calories: 210 per serving
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 3%, 10mg
Sodium: 20%, 490mg
Protein: 6g
Carbohydrates: 9%, 28g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Target says: Vegetables, black beans & white meat chicken wrapped in a crispy shell.

Kelly says: I love Target. I adore Target. I was weaned on Target. Well, not really because that would be sort of gross, but I think you get the point. You would not believe how distraught I became when I first realized that the Target nearest my suburban post-college southern home did not have a freezer section.

Sure, it has a freezer. A smaller freezer than the one found at my local 7-11. The first time I went to the Target I thought there wasn’t a freezer section at all. Then I learned that it was just a single case. I’m not sure which instance made me more disappointed.

Fortunately, I found a different Target in the opposite direction from the first Target and only a total of five more driving miles. The more awesome, glorious Target has oodles of frozen food cases. Watch out folks, I have found the mother land and it consists of frozen food!

While I usually stick to known brand name products offered at low, low prices (see poorly chosen South Beach Diet Lunchable), I’m occasionally inclined to sample a Target brand item. My experience with these appetizers is much like my experience with Target purses: tasty, short-lived, adorable, and doomed to an unsatisfying end via shoddy construction and low-quality materials.

Mostly, I was bummed to realize that these appetizers are half air. That and the pastry wrapper tastes sort of strange, as though it was produced not just in a factory, but actually made out of a factory rather than normal ingredients like flour and lard. Also I had a lot of trouble finding the chicken inside this pastry. Was it disguised as corn? Plus, the filling was more watery than cheesy. After all of that complaining you think that I’d be really happy that half of each pastry-encased item was filled with air. But no, even if something is bad I don’t want to feel gypped.

The more I think about these appetizers the more I understand why I ate a few and then they just hung out in my freezer for a few months until I did my quarterly fridge and freezer clean-out and decided that maybe I should try these things because I am a poor, poor social worker. Too bad I’d forgotten that they were a waste of the energy it took to heat them in the oven.

Filed Under 5 WW Points, Chicken, Target Reviews, Two Stars | 6 Comments

South Beach Diet Turkey and Bacon Club Wraps

October 31, 2007 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

South Beach Diet Turkey and Bacon Club Wraps Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 meal. 7.05 oz.
Calories: 250
Fat: 20%, 13g
Sodium: 47%, 1130mg
Protein: 24gg
Carbs: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 15%, 15g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

South Beach says: South Beach Diet Wraps combine the perfect blend of ingredients - soft wraps, flavorful sauces or dressings, and natural cheeses or crunchy toppings - for a taste sensation you’ll love!

Kelly says: I am not on the South Beach diet. I am a carb lover (hello, Easten European heritage!) and I find dieting slightly freaky. I’m not talking about eating healthy. I’m talking about dieting, you know, the sort that brings to mind the Gap Girls on Saturday Night Live.

But the South Beach Diet is supposed to be nutritious and filling, satisfying even. So when I saw this adult lunchable on sale at my grocery store, I thought “Great! Now I won’t have to wait in the office microwave line!”

Ugh, I’d rather wait in line than eat this any day. The mayo alone is 40 calories. Which means that cutting out the mayo brings this meal down to 210 calories. I also did not consume the Jell-o. Even healthier, right? WRONG. I was hungry in two hours. That’s what happens when you don’t EAT anything. I felt like Chris Farley in that video, but minus David Spade and Adam Sandler as my preppy sidekicks.

Even though it does not need to be said, I will say it: South Beach Diet’s Turkey Bacon Club Wraps is not a filling lunch, though it is sort of fun to put together. There are ultra-processed turkey slices, mini wheat tortillas, and a little packet of bacon. I wish I could just buy little packs of bacon in the store. Then I could occasionally use bacon without making the whole house smell like deep fried meat.

I know, there are pouches of pre-made bacon already out there, and they aren’t even refrigerated! That weirds me out.

Bacon aside, these South Beach Diet wraps are simply Lunchables for adults but without the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup or Andes mint. Wowsers. 47% of my sodium intake for the day was in the ~~meal~~ 7 ounce snack.

As a college educated adult I should know better than to eat this junk.

Filed Under 5 WW Points, Kraft Reviews, South Beach Meal Reviews, Turkey, Two Stars | 2 Comments

Linda McCartney Spicy Peanut Pasta with Vegetarian Chicken

October 15, 2007 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Linda McCartney Spicy Peanut Pasta with Vegetarian Chicken Price: $4.19
Serving: 1 meal, 10 oz.
Calories: 390
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 33%, 790mg
Protein: 18g
Carbs: 18%, 53g
Fiber: 17%, 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 Points

Linda says: Semolina spaghetti with carrots, green & red bell peppers, and gourmet vegetarian chicken, tossed in a spicy Asian-style Peanut Sauce

Kelly says: Prior to consuming this meal I thought that ‘Vegetarian Chicken’ referred chicken that consumes only non-animal feed. I had a lot to learn. To Linda McCartney (who is dead, btw), Vegetarian Chicken means ‘fake chicken made out of vegetables.’

Yes, you are allowed to laugh at me. I live in the South, so I’m sure I’m not the first person who has made this mistake. Also, read the product blurb. Does it say anything about it not being real chicken? No, it just says ‘vegetarian chicken’, the least helpful phrase ever. Let me say now that if you’re thinking about switching to a no-meat lifestyle, stay far, far away from this meal. I’ll get into why later, but I just wanted to let you know now that it is not worth putting anywhere near your apartment-dweller Whole Foods mini shopping cart.

The noodles are larger than your standard spaghetti. This wouldn’t matter if it didn’t make them IMPOSSIBLE to eat in their enormousness, plus they are mushy from the get-go. I’ve had some pretty darn good Lean Cuisines (see Sesame Stir Fry with Chicken), so I know that noodles can be done relatively well. These were relatively inedible. The vegetables were forgettably fine. I ate all of them. Why? I like vegetables. Also, there are approximately 2 carrot sticks worth of vegetables in this meal. Another plus for Lean Cuisine. Too bad it was impossible to consume the fake chicken.

The process went something like this: Stab chicken chunk with fork. Pop in mouth. Attempt chewing. Find chewing quite difficult. Put further effort into chewing. Still not working. WTF mouth?!? Realize I am chewing a tasteless and rubbery fake meat item. Spit out. Repeat with new fake-chicken-nugget. Realize it is not me, it is the meat. Give up.

Sometime during the magical process that I like to call microwaving, the faux-chicken became rock-hard nuggets of evil. I know that isn’t very scientific, but that’s what happened. Thus, this Linda McCartney meal became the ultimate diet food, the 7 (seven!) uneaten breaded fake-chicken blobs mocking me from the tray. I ate all of the noodles. I ate all of the vegetables. I even consumed the not-worth-mentioning peanut sauce (It claims to be spicy, but this Polish-American girl found it blander-than-bland and I sweat when I eat at chain Mexican restaurants). But the idea of eating those chicken chunks? I’m shivering in my boots.

Filed Under 8 WW Points, Linda McCartney Reviews, One Star, Vegetarian | 4 Comments