Adina
Hi my name is Adina and I review microwave meals. I come from a Jewish family; when my mother found out I occasionally eat food that is flash frozen for freshness, she made five pounds of brisket and FedExed it to my apartment.
I lean towards Lean Cuisine and Trader Joe's because they are familiar and I am nothing if not a slave to my routine. Occasionally I'll buy Healthy Choice, but only when they are on sale and I have a strong craving for very bland tasting food. When I look at the 9 or so ounces of food I eat for lunch, I often wonder if fitting in my jeans is overrated. Lately I've been leaning towards "totally overrated" but I continue to eat them because they are closer to my mouth than the food they keep in restaurants.
I live in Philadelphia and oversee biomedical research. What qualifies me to tell genius scientists that their research sucks eludes me, but they continue to pay me so I continue to dish out the heartbreak. During lunchtime, I sometimes feel a little self-conscious about taking pictures of microwaved food, but I just remind myself that I do it to warn the internet about food that tastes even crappier than you would think. I do it for YOU, remember that when I ask you to give me your liver because mine is just so damn tired.
I have a personal blog at CraziAsian.blogspot.com where I talk about my true passions in life: noodles and farting. I am married to a wonderfully private man named Mr. Anonymous. Our wedding was this past September and my veil was actually a large paper bag that I wore over my head lest someone recognized me from my blog. It was a precaution I was willing to take for love.
Happy Eating!
Latest Reviews by Adina:
Healthy Choice Café Steamers Chicken Tuscany
February 5, 2008 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.99
Serving: 1 meal, 10.6 oz.
Calories: 300
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 8%, 25mg
Sodium: 23%, 560mg
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 11%, 34g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
WW Points: 6 Points
Healthy Choice says: We broil lean chicken tenderloin chunks, combine them with a colorful medley of zucchini, spinach and sun dried tomatoes and serve over linguini pasta tossed in a flavorful Parmesan sauce.
Adina says: I am not someone who likes my food steamed. I like it breaded, deep fried, saturated in fat, glazed, covered in gravy, chocolate sauce, bits of bacon, etc. I accept that some food must be boiled (noodles) in order to be married to less healthy mediums (alfredo sauce) to create one, harmonious meal. Rarely will you find me saying “Ohh, let’s steam dinner tonight” or “I’ll take the healthy steamed option please, with a side of broccoli.” And when I say rarely, I mean you can just go ahead and shoot me when that day comes because my life will so be over.
But (and this is possibly the hugest “but” since Baby Got Back hit record stores in 1992), this meal was sort of definitely a delightful dining experience. Dare I say that Healthy Choice finally did something right? God, that feels so wrong to say and yet . . . my mouth doesn’t lie. This meal, it was unbelievably tasty.
The zucchini was perfectly steamed. It tasted much like how I would imagine zucchini would taste if I ever steamed it and then ate it. It was tender on the inside and faintly crisp on the outside. It looked so green and fresh that I actually ate it first. Before the noodles. I KNOW. To me, eating vegetables before noodles is sort of akin to choosing a Brazilian bikini wax over napping. It is just plum crazy. And yet, it was my reality this afternoon as I pushed the noodles to the side to find that last bite of zucchini yumminess.
Not to say the noodles weren’t good. Oh they were good. Especially considering that the sauce was FedExed from HEAVEN. Seriously, the taste is so zesty and unexpected.
It was flavorful and bitey and the picture on the container actually doesn’t do the spices justice. Has that ever happened before? Where the food was actually BETTER than how it looked in the picture? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HEALTHY CHOICE?
The chicken was a little dry, but it tasted like dry REAL chicken. As far as white meat goes, this was probably better than any piece of white meat I can cook. I truly believe white meat has like a 2 second window of tenderness and then BAM it’s dry. Anyway, it didn’t matter if it was a tad dry because it just complimented the texture of the melt-in-your-mouth veggies.
So yes, I am giving this Healthy Choice meal 5 full stars. I back this meal with my life. Steaming your food separate from the sauce is brilliant. The steaming locks in the individual flavors, and the sauce accentuates rather than overpowers the meal. Congratulations, Healthy Choice. You have moved from “sucks so bad” to “edible and sort of delightful”. Be proud, be very proud.
Smart Ones Creamy Rigatoni with Broccoli & Chicken
November 12, 2007 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.00
Serving: 1 meal, 9oz.
Calories: 290
Fat: 13%, 8g
Cholesterol: 18%, 55mg
Sodium: 29%, 690mg
Protein: 20g
Carbs: 11%, 33g
Fiber: 9%, 2g
WW Points: 6 Points
Smart Ones says: A medley of pasta, broccoli florets and white meat chicken in a creamy parmesan sauce
Adina says: I am becoming a Smart Ones convert. When I first sold my soul to the microwave meal gods started eating microwave meals, I though Smart Ones was the low man on the totem pole. Lean Cuisine had just come out with their fancy sleek box designs and I am a sucker for shiny things, even if it ultimately meant I was stuck with a 6 ounce lunch. And Healthy Choice just sounded like…such a healthy choice. Wow, marketers would have a field day with me.
But as the years passed and I realized that a Lean Cuisine would not get me past 2 PM and Healthy Choice was the devil, I started looking for other options. And Smart Ones really does one-up the other microwave meal brands on taste and noodles. And I don’t know if you can tell this by the reviews I do, but noodles are my life. I eat noodles at lunch and dinner almost every day. And not as a side dish, oh no. Noodles are always the star of my meal, the main attraction, the favorite child. The protein and vitamins are just the ugly step-children to the radiant white glow of the noodle. I would have sex with noodles if I could. I just don’t know how I can emphasize my noodle love enough. It is big love, people.
Anyway, now that I’m all hot and bothered, let me tell you about this meal. The rigatoni is thick and chewy and I am just constantly amazed that Smart Ones can get noodles to taste like that. To taste noodley but also different, like there is some special ingredient that is not included in my box of Muellers. Maybe steroids? Who knows, but whatever it is, Smart Ones noodles are always jacked up with taste and thickness. It must be steroids.
The rigatoni is covered in a creamy parmesan sauce robust in flavor. It has the perfect amount of pepper and seasoning, which is rare in a microwave meal alfredo-type sauce. Typically I find weight-watching alfredo sauces to be thin and peppery and soulless. But not this sauce, this beautifully crafted sauce. I can still taste it, and it doesn’t make me want to cry. I guess there is a first for everything, huh.
The broccoli was crisp and the chicken was tender, also a miracle in and of itself considering it is microwaved white meat. Have you ever microwaved real white chicken meat? Tell me it tastes good and I’ll show you a pig that can fly.
I just wish Smart Ones would give me a bit more bang for my protein buck. Generally, they tend to shrink all their meat in their meals for some reason, which is strange because their meat typically tastes really good. Are they trying to enforce slow chewing so that I ultimately eat less food? Are they really looking out for me and my sensitive gastrointestinal tract? Man, these people are freaking saints.
Anyway, I am going to go ahead and give this meal five stars because I can only hope that my firstborn turns out half as wonderful as this meal. Maybe other microwave meal companies will follow suit and make food that doesn’t suck. Here’s to tomorrow.
Trader Giotto's (Joe's) Gnocchi al Gorgonzola
October 22, 2007 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.99
Serving: ¾ cup, 4 oz.
Calories: 230
Fat: 17%, 11g
Cholesterol: 10%, 30mg
Sodium: 18%, 440mg
Protein: 7g
Carbs: 9%, 25g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
WW Points: 5 Points per Serving
20 Weight Watchers Points per Bag
Trader Joe says: There was no bag blurb and no product description on TJ’s site.
Adina says:
Pro: This meal was like eating little tender bites of heaven covered in gorgonzola cheese. It is heaven in a bag. If I worked for Trader Joe’s, that is how I would describe this product. “Try heaven in a bag. You may need a coronary angioplasty after you’re through with it, but it’s worth it!”
I cooked this in a skillet for 7 minutes. I know that is pseudo-cheating since it has microwave oven heating instructions, but I didn’t want to risk sacrificing delicious gnocchi dinner for HER purity. Sorry, Abi. To be honest though, I think it is worth it. Considering it adds only one extra piece of cookware to the post-dinner clean up and all it involves is emptying the bag into a skillet and then watching the frozen chunks of gorgonzola melt evenly over the ever expanding gnocchi, I say take the plunge. Pseudo-cook a real meal tonight. Your taste buds will love you.
Anyway, as far as taste goes, this was a 5 star meal. The gnocchi were tender but not chewy and definitely not mushy. The cheese was flavorful and the sauce was rich and creamy. I will never order gnocchi out again because now I know I can get the same delicious meal for 9 dollars cheaper.
The best part was that I never felt like someone was trying to feed me gravy covered cardboard. A novelty, I know!
Con: One bag is 4 servings. Getting me to stop after a quarter of the bag would require a locked muzzle and handcuffs. And a tranquilizer. Because I just plowed through the entire 4 servings and now I cannot so much as look at any more saturated fat until after dinner tomorrow. Seriously, eat the whole bag and you will have accounted for 140% of your daily saturated fat intake, assuming you are (trying to stay) on a less than 2,000 calorie diet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s worth it. HEAVEN IN A BAG. I’m just saying, be ready to sacrifice the next 2 days of office birthday cake for it.
Therefore, this meal weighed in at a 4, since eating this meal means that I probably will have to at least pass the gym on my way home from work tomorrow. Because walking past the gym is half the battle.
Trader Joe’s Chicken Tandoori with Spinach
July 23, 2007 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.49
Serving: 1 meal, 12 oz.
Calories: 360
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 14%, 45mg
Sodium: 20%, 520mg
Protein: 22g
Carbs: 17%, 51g
Fiber: 21%, 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points
Trader Joe’s says: Boneless white chicken simmered in spinach & exotic spices. Served with seasoned rice.
Adina says: Let me just start off my saying that I am not a huge fan of Indian food. I will occasionally take in an Indian buffet for some saag and naan and gulab jamuns, but generally I avoid all things curried. I blame the summer of ’93. I was 11 years old and my mother was making an Indian curry dish for dinner while I was watching Sweeney Todd on public television. I remember eating that meal – the first time I ate Indian, mind you – and wondering if my mom had slit our neighbors’ throats and ground them into patties and served me their bodies for dinner. And from that fateful moment on, I have always associated Indian food with baked carcass meat pies.
And on that lovely note - this is a really good meal. At first it seemed like it was less “Chicken Tandoori with Spinach” and more “Spinach and Rice with…is that Chicken?…it’s so tiny I can barely see it…”, but I ended up getting a medium sized chunk of chicken with every bite. Plus, the flavor was just the right amount of spiciness – kicky but not overwhelmingly spiced. I just hate those meals (cough Healthy Choice cough) where they black pepper the heck out of the meal and then call it “spiced to perfection”.
Surprisingly enough, the chicken is tender, the way tandoori chicken should be but not the way most microwave meal chicken is. And the peas added lovely texture to what would have been an otherwise mushy meal. What I enjoyed best about this meal is the flavor – microwave lunches tend to blur one into the other, and I appreciated the rich and exciting flavors this dish had to offer.
In summary, eat this meal. Even though you’re probably not hungry anymore after my Sweeney Todd story. Sorry.
[This meal was also reviewed by Abi, who also gave the meal 4 stars. So now that this meal has received 4 stars twice in a row that pretty much cements it at 4 stars. -Ed.]
