Adina
Hi my name is Adina and I review microwave meals. I come from a Jewish family; when my mother found out I occasionally eat food that is flash frozen for freshness, she made five pounds of brisket and FedExed it to my apartment.
I lean towards Lean Cuisine and Trader Joe's because they are familiar and I am nothing if not a slave to my routine. Occasionally I'll buy Healthy Choice, but only when they are on sale and I have a strong craving for very bland tasting food. When I look at the 9 or so ounces of food I eat for lunch, I often wonder if fitting in my jeans is overrated. Lately I've been leaning towards "totally overrated" but I continue to eat them because they are closer to my mouth than the food they keep in restaurants.
I live in Philadelphia and oversee biomedical research. What qualifies me to tell genius scientists that their research sucks eludes me, but they continue to pay me so I continue to dish out the heartbreak. During lunchtime, I sometimes feel a little self-conscious about taking pictures of microwaved food, but I just remind myself that I do it to warn the internet about food that tastes even crappier than you would think. I do it for YOU, remember that when I ask you to give me your liver because mine is just so damn tired.
I have a personal blog at CraziAsian.blogspot.com where I talk about my true passions in life: noodles and farting. I am married to a wonderfully private man named Mr. Anonymous. Our wedding was this past September and my veil was actually a large paper bag that I wore over my head lest someone recognized me from my blog. It was a precaution I was willing to take for love.
Happy Eating!
Latest Reviews by Adina:
Progresso 100 Calorie Chicken and Herb Dumplings Soup
November 17, 2008 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $1.25 on sale
Serving: 18.5 oz.
Servings per can: 2
Calories: 100 per serving
Fat: 4%, 2.5g
Cholesterol: 9%, 30mg
Sodium: 33%, 790mg
Protein: 5g
Carbohydrates: 5%, 14g
Fiber: 3%, less than 1g
Sugar: 1g
Weight Watchers Points: 2 per serving
Weight Watchers Points: 4 per can
Progresso says: Progresso offers 32 delicious soups that can play a key role in your weight loss plan with 100 calories or fewer per serving. Research shows that soup can be a satisfying choice and help curb your hunger on fewer calories.
Adina says: Ok. I am going to try to review soup now. This is hard for me because I don’t really consider soup a lunch. It is basically flavored water with vegetables floating around in it. I don’t care how “hearty” soup is, I will never be someone who can just eat soup and not couple it with a cheesesteak, or something equally substantive.
That said, I can appreciate soup for its taste value. And soup does give you the opportunity to really appreciate each individual taste (although this could ultimately be bad for tastes that suck). The broth of this canned soup is really quite zesty, a peppery version of good old fashioned chicken broth. I think canned soup base tends to struggle to mimic the flavorful aromas of homemade soup base, but this base really seems to capture the essence of “herb” (regardless of whether they captured said essence with actual herbs or with monosodium glutamate).
So if the soup base is my lunch high, then that would mean that the low is the dumplings. I have very limited dumpling exposure – I know what my mother’s dumplings taste like and that is it. And this is an unfair advantage because my mother’s dumplings float effortlessly in a sea of homemade tomato based sauce, a sassy compliment to the baked chicken main event. These dumplings are floating in canned soup. And unless that soup is some magical unicorn-producing soup, there is just no way Progresso’s dumplings will ever measure up. They instantly disintegrate in your mouth to produce no taste. I would discuss their texture but wait? Where did they go? Oh I already chewed, swallowed, digested, and passed it without even realizing it. If Houdini dumplings were marketable, well then Progresso would be rolling in dough (no pun intended) but they are not so…sucks for them I guess. And also for those all those starving dumplings who could have made it big in the biz if they just had gotten a break.
Generally, everything else in this soup is mushy which I think is acceptable for the carrots and celery. I am not a huge fan of lots of chewing in general so it is nice when something is so overcooked that it just melts in your mouth. Note: this is only okay if what is melting in your mouth has TASTE. Those dumplings were tasteless and thus I was just eating empty dumpling-shaped calories versus smooshy but carroty-tasting carrots.
The one non-mush item in this soup was the chicken, which I am still deciding on how to describe. I mean, I have a hard time with chicken. I never know exactly how I should be reviewing it. I personally like the microwave meal chicken that is so soft that its origins are questionable. However, I think that freaks people out a bit. Me, I don’t scare easy when it comes to food. I recently picked up an m&m that fell on our office rug the day before and popped it in my mouth. And then I ate a hot pocket.
This chicken was a bit tough, which I guess confirms that it is indeed chicken but makes me a little grumpy because I am training my mouth for old age by only eating food that I can slurp or swallow whole. It did have nice texture and the flavor was impressive (although you could be a man in a chicken suit, and standing next to those dumplings you would have tasted like a bucket of fried freaking chicken) but it was just a bit too tough for my liking. But maybe you like your chicken tough, the way you like your women. In which case, you are a glutton for punishment and I find your irrational determination sort of sexy.
Anyway, this is a three star meal. I would ultimately buy this again because (1) it was like a buck, (2) it is 100 calories per serving and (3) it really is quite filling. But those dumplings were just such a disappointment, that I could not bring myself to give it 4 stars. Sort of like when I was a freshman in high school and my English AP teacher couldn’t find it in her heart to round my final GPA from a 91.4 to a 91.5 (the difference between an A and a B since we didn’t have pluses or minuses). Look where I am now, Mrs. O’Keefe! I am writing reviews of microwave meals! Who’s laughing now???
Kraft Chive Bagel-fuls: Pro
August 29, 2008 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.39 (free from Kraft foods)
Serving: 1 Filled bagel, 2.5 oz.
Servings per package: 4
Calories: 200 per serving
Fat: 8%, 5g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15mg
Sodium: 9%, 220mg
Protein: 7g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 31g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points
Kraft says: A bagel and cream cheese all in one. The warm, golden crust and soft, chewy texture of an authentic bagel wrapped around a center of cool and creamy Philadelphia cream cheese.
Adina says: I had doubts about this product. First off, I am not a big breakfast eater. I know it is the only way to start your day and your metabolism, blah blah blah when fact is, I find breakfast food sort of uneventful. The options are so limited – bagel, eggs, Danish – and I guess in the end I would rather wait the two hours and load up on delicious noodley noodleness than spend five minutes eating something just to fill the void. I am not a eat-to-liver. I am a live-to-eater and I am damn proud of it.
So knowing all of this, you should take what I am about to say very seriously. I loved these Bagel-fuls. LOVED THEM. For the past two weeks, I found myself biking just a little bit faster to work because faster biking equaled sooner bagel eating.
When my two boxes of Bagel-fuls were delivered to me (I received these free from the company), I immediately stuck them in the freezer without first reading the labeling. While I think the “bagels” would have tasted a bit more fresh if I had put some in the fridge, in the end it worked out well as there were four “bagels” in each box.
I keep on putting the word “bagels” in quotes because I am really struggling with whether or not I can honestly call these things “bagels” without angering Yahweh. I mean, can I really call them “bagels”? Does this make my Jewish grandmothers and grandfathers cringe? That this creation, what is basically a healthier version of a Twinkie, dare bare the name of my ancestor’s finest creation (second only to Manischewitz Wine, ahem)? I think I will play it safe and use the quotes when referring to these “bagels” just in case this is the very moment God points to when I am trying to enter Jew Heaven and says, “No real Jew would call those bagels. Shame on you. Go eat your preservative-laden chicken-fatless gentile food!”
Regardless, these things were a delight. I heated them in the microwave for 30 seconds and then toasted them for about one minute. This left the outside slightly crispy and the inside cream cheese still cool yet creamy. If you toast these suckers for too long, the cream cheese gets a bit warm, which some people enjoy, but not me. I like the contrast of heat, the warmness of a freshly microwaved bagel with the coolness of recently frozen chive cream cheese. Mmmm.
This is great bang for your buck – I have kept my eye out for them in the supermarket, and they consistently fall in the $2.50 price range. And with 4 to each box, that means each bagelful costs you a little over 60 cents. And yes, they are tinier than full sale full sized bagels, but they are also significantly healthier for you than the average bagel with cream cheese. And they will leave you feeling satiated well into lunchtime. Because of these little buggers can curb my appetite to noon, then they could quell Attila the Hun’s hunger. Because seriously, I have hunger that is comparable to a barbarian’s. It is disturbing but true.
So buy these. In bulk. And eat them every morning. And die happy. And leave me all your money in your will as your token of appreciation. Because while money might not have bought you happiness, I think you might just be spending it on the wrong things. As in, you didn’t buy a house down the shore. Shame on you.
Lean Cuisine Deep Dish Spinach and Mushroom Pizza
August 5, 2008 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.50 on sale
Serving: 1 pizza, 6 & 1/8 oz.
Calories: 310
Fat: 10%, 7 g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15 mg
Sodium: 18%, 430 mg
Protein: 17 g
Carbs: 15%, 46 g
Fiber: 18%, 4 g
WW Points: 6 Points
Lean Cuisine says: Spinach and mushroom pizza with a blend of mozzarella, asiago, parmesan and romano cheeses and a creamy alfredo sauce.
Adina says: First off, I went into lunch today craving this Lean Cuisine pizza. I KNOW. The words “crave” and “Lean Cuisine” are rarely used in the same sentence, unless the sentence reads, “I ate a Lean Cuisine meal and then I craved seventeen pounds of chocolate to suppress my post-Lean Cuisine hunger.” But it’s true – I knew it was in the freezer, all cheesy and mild, waiting to be loosely compared to real pizza. And I was looking forward to it. You might say that maybe I’m pregnant or mental, and to that I would reply, SHIT.
Tanya at Iateapie.net thought this was a fairly bad dining experience; however, I disagree. True, the pizza sauce is not red. I find this to be a breath of fresh air. Microwave meal red sauces tend to feature chunky bits of tomatoes that have no taste, as if they genetically altered these tomatoes so that they would metaphorically flip you off every time you took a bite. Instead, this showcases a very mild and I think flavorful alfredo sauce. It is not your typical Italian restaurant alfredo where, when you eat it, you can actually hear your arteries screaming as they drown in the delicious albeit deadly sauce. It is a gentler version, a half sister if you will, of the typical alfredo sauce. It is not necessarily the taste you expect on a pizza, but I find that to be invigorating after 4 hours of listening to the same people complain about the same crap at work.
I am becoming a big fan of the lower fat white cheese blend that I noticed meals are featuring more regularly. I sometimes wonder why I don’t eat a bowl of parmesan for breakfast, considering how flavorful and non-deadly it is compared to the neon orange Kraft singles which often top off my egg and sausage muffin. As for the spinach and mushrooms, well – they are spinach and mushrooms. The upside is…I am eating spinach and mushrooms! And those things have fiber or vitamins or something! Wait…is that…energy I feel? From all the goodness that was my pizza lunch? AMAZING.
I do not know if I would necessarily call this a “deep dish” pizza, as the pizza is a fairly shallow 6 and 1/8 ounce meal. You know what, let me say that again. In caps. SIX AND ONE EIGHTH MEAL. Seriously, LC? Did you hire special marketing consultants who were like “now…saying this meal is 6 ounces isn’t going to get this meal flying off the shelves…but what if we said it was 6 and 1/8th ounces…hmmm, now I think we’re on to something…”
I am not a recent elementary graduate. You can’t trick me with your tiny fractions. I am fully aware that the dish you used to make this meal was not deep. I have not succumbed to your sly marketing tricks. I just like this pizza. It is yummy and white and fairly filling. So just say 6 ounces. I will continue to buy this meal but won’t feel like you are staring at me, clipboard in hand, wondering if I took the 1/8th bait. Seriously, do this again and I will leave a 1/8th pile of crap on your front lawn. And you will inevitably not see it and thus step in it because 1/8th is NOTHING AT ALL.
In the end, I think I just like boring food. I don’t like tastes exploding in my mouth, all LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. I like things that are subtle, mild, pleasant. And so if this doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, then I would steer clear. Because this pizza is not exciting. It is tasty, but it won’t sweep you off your feet and take you to Fiji. It will cuddle up with you on the couch and rub your feet while you watch your favorite parts of When Harry Met Sally. This is not a James Bond pizza. This is a Billy Crystal pizza.
So I will give this 3 stars, docking one star for being a fairly boring albeit satisfying meal, and then docking another star for being a condescending bitch.
Oscar Mayers Deli Creations Sun-Dried Tomato Chicken
May 15, 2008 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $4.19
Serving: 1 meal, 4.9 oz.
Calories: 330
Fat: 20%, 13g
Cholesterol: 18%, 55mg
Sodium: 30%, 720mg
Protein: 23g
Carbs: 10%, 31g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
WW Points: 7 Points
conditional*
Oscar Mayer says: Experience a sandwich that has all the warmth, flavor and fresh baked taste you look forward to, without having to go out. In no time at all, you can create a lunch for one, served with soft warm flatbread, premium cuts of meat, specialty sauces and natural cheeses, all individually wrapped for freshness. It is the hot and melty moment you deserve.
Ingredients listed on front of package: Flatbread; grilled chicken breast strips with ribbed meat – cured; shredded Italian-style three cheese blend of 2% milk reduced fat natural mozzarella cheese, 2% milk reduced fat provolone cheese, Parmesan Cheese; sun-dried tomato sauce.
Adina says: In a move towards full disclosure, I’d like to state that I received this meal free from Oscar Mayer. It is a good thing too, because there is a zero percent chance I would buy this on my own. The reason is three fold: (1) because it is essentially a sandwich in a box, which I do not consider a big whoop de doo; (2) because there are no noodles in said sandwich; and (3) because it is Oscar Mayer and unless this sandwich features a giant hot dog that sings that wiener song on command, I am just not that interested.
I have to say, this review is causing me a lot of grief. On one hand, I really enjoyed this sandwich. The chicken was very tender, which I think is directly related to the fact that this meal is refrigerated and not frozen. It tasted like I had lightly grilled a chicken breast and then cut it up and put it in a sandwich. This makes me chuckle because I would never lightly grill anything. Deep fry? yes. Bake in a pound of butter? Uh yes. But lightly grill? That is just not a phrase I have ever heard myself say out loud. Without shaking my head and laughing.
The flatbread was chewy and warm and better than most bread I have encountered on sandwiches. It might have been my favorite part of the meal. No way, I take that back. The cheese was my favorite part. Apart from the fact that it is cheese (and who doesn’t worship cheese in a slightly idolatrous way?), it just had this really natural, smooth feel to it. It was subtle, the kind of cheese that you notice from across the room – drinking a martini with olives, wearing a sleek black dress, looking effortlessly lovely and approachable, but in an unapproachable way. I want to date this cheese. I want to take this cheese home to my mother, marry this cheese, make this cheese the happiest cheese in the world.
The least desirable part of the actual meal was the dressing. It tasted like what I would imagine salad dressing to taste like if you decided to microwave salad dressing. Salad dressing tends to be over the top taste wise, as if Paul Newman knows that the only thing separating your salad from a field of grass is his magic sauce. And this sauce felt that way, as if it was acknowledging the fact that you were about to eat a fairly plain meal that can only be saved by being punched in the face with a fistful of sun-dried tomatoes. If you decide to eat this meal, you might to consider just putting a tad of the sauce on the sandwich and then toss the rest of the sauce with some lettuce. Or else use it to buff the exterior of your car.
Overall, this meal was definitely 4 stars taste-wise. One of the things keeping me from giving it 4 stars is what this meal weighs in at: 4.9 ounces and 330 calories. Most of the microwave meals I eat range from 8 ounces to 11 ounces. So, this makes this meal possibly the smallest lunch I have ever eaten for Heat Eat Review. And it packs quite a bit of caloric intake considering how small it is. I imagine I could have eaten a candy bar that had similar stats but was, you know, chocolate.
The other thing is that it is $4.19 on non-sale. That means you are almost paying a dollar an ounce. It seems reasonable to ask for that or even more when you are selling smack or baby food, but not when you’re selling some chicken and cheese and hot salad dressing.
*So I am giving this a conditional rating: 3 stars if you buy it full price and it is the only thing you eat for lunch, and 4 stars if you buy it on sale and pair it with a salad that you brought from home. And then you get 4 stars too for eating salad, more power to you.
