Adina
Hi my name is Adina and I review microwave meals. I come from a Jewish family; when my mother found out I occasionally eat food that is flash frozen for freshness, she made five pounds of brisket and FedExed it to my apartment.
I lean towards Lean Cuisine and Trader Joe's because they are familiar and I am nothing if not a slave to my routine. Occasionally I'll buy Healthy Choice, but only when they are on sale and I have a strong craving for very bland tasting food. When I look at the 9 or so ounces of food I eat for lunch, I often wonder if fitting in my jeans is overrated. Lately I've been leaning towards "totally overrated" but I continue to eat them because they are closer to my mouth than the food they keep in restaurants.
I live in Philadelphia and oversee biomedical research. What qualifies me to tell genius scientists that their research sucks eludes me, but they continue to pay me so I continue to dish out the heartbreak. During lunchtime, I sometimes feel a little self-conscious about taking pictures of microwaved food, but I just remind myself that I do it to warn the internet about food that tastes even crappier than you would think. I do it for YOU, remember that when I ask you to give me your liver because mine is just so damn tired.
I have a personal blog at CraziAsian.blogspot.com where I talk about my true passions in life: noodles and farting. I am married to a wonderfully private man named Mr. Anonymous. Our wedding was this past September and my veil was actually a large paper bag that I wore over my head lest someone recognized me from my blog. It was a precaution I was willing to take for love.
Happy Eating!
Latest Reviews by Adina:
Smart Ones Tuna Noodle Gratin
January 11, 2010 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1 meal, 9.5 oz.
Calories: 240
Fat: 7%, 4.5g
Saturated Fat: 9%, 2g
Trans Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 10%, 30mg
Sodium: 30%, 720mg
Protein: 15g
Carbohydrates: 12%, 37g
Fiber: 11%, 3g
WW Points: 5 POINTS
Smart Ones says: Tender chunks of albacore tuna and linguini in a creamy sauce topped with toasted breadcrumbs.
Adina says: I fell into a serious food coma last night and thought that the only appropriate response to such an unnecessary eating binge (as a forward thinking, independent, strong woman) was to punish myself with this meal. I mean, I knew from the get-go that this wasn’t going to be the most satisfying Smart Ones experience. But as I stood in the frozen food aisle, my cart overflowing with Smart Ones Chicken Rigatoni meals. I thought to myself, I owe it to the Heat Eat Review community to take this one for the team. Plus, it is only 240 calories, which means I can have 1 and a half more drinks tonight at Happy Hour. Everybody wins! Except my liver!
In retrospect, this was a stupid decision. I was warming this up in the office microwave, and my coworker just kept on looking at me as if she was going to have to report me to HR. The smell was unbearable (and I live in Philadelphia, so I know bad smells). During the 5 and a half minutes I spent nuking this meal, I tried to understand why microwave meal designers try so hard to incorporate fish into our lunches. The American public knows fish doesn’t microwave well. We don’t expect them to create some magical fish experience that will leave us thinking, God how is it that I have lived so long without hot fish at noon! I truly think their time would be better spent tackling global warming, or trying to find a solution for really bad morning breath.
In the grand scheme of things, and after such a delightful introduction, this meal ended up not being a total disaster. It was not good, don’t get me wrong. There was no way not to mix the breadcrumbs into the meal, so they ended up being really mushy and not toasty. The sauce was less than unexciting, it was too thick and fishy, with the occasional peppery slap across the face. There was one lonely pathetic mushroom and then some other unidentified vegetables (possibly zucchini?) that were not listed on the box. All these vegetables had a weird texture (possibly because of the mushy breadcrumbs) and left me feeling slightly violated.
And then there was the tuna. Oh, the tuna. Maybe it is just me, but I really can’t used to warm tuna. It was not tender, not easy to digest, it was big chunks of chewy nasty mess covered in mushy breadcrumbs and creamy nothingness. The noodles weren’t bad, and I ended up eating the entire meal, so this wasn’t a zero or one star meal. It just wasn’t good. And my entire office smells like rotting fish.
In the end, I’ve never eaten a non-microwave tuna noodle gratin meal. So maybe this is how all tuna noodle gratin tastes like. If this is the case, I really do feel very bad for white suburban America, because if this is what they grew up on, then no wonder they consider Olive Garden authentic Italian cuisine. So don’t buy this meal. Buy something else. Your coworkers will thank you.
One year ago: Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers Whiskey Grilled Steak
Two years ago: Lean Pockets Roasted Turkey and Ham with Cheese
Three years ago: Smart Ones Chocolate Eclair
Swanson Classics Boneless Fried Chicken
July 29, 2009 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $1.00 on sale
Serving: 7.5 oz.
Calories: 230 per serving
Fat: 17%, 11g
Cholesterol: 12%, 35mg
Sodium: 33%, 790mg
Protein: 11g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 23g
Fiber: 0%, 0g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 POINTS
Swanson says: A delicious boneless chicken patty with savory mashed potatoes and a side of corn.
Adina says: I just spent four days on vacation eating homemade black raspberry ice cream and homemade meatloaf with homemade mashed potatoes and did I mention the homemade crack/cocaine? Because seriously, everything is apparently homemade at the beach.
So I am back at work now, and I figured I would transition into my regularly scheduled pseudo-diety microwave meals with another Swanson Classic, as I wouldn’t necessarily call these meals healthy, although portion control is definitely my Achilles heel, so it actually does help regulate my food intake at noon.
I can’t seem to figure out how I feel about these meals. On one hand, they are a freaking dollar. On the other, they really aren’t that good for you. On the other third hand, THEY ARE A FREAKING DOLLAR.
When I first opened up this meal, the chicken had slid all the way over to the right side of the container, leaving this abyss of black container unfilled with food. This made me sad and I immediately made a mental note about how this meal made me sad at noon (a.k.a. typically the happiest time of the day for me).
In the end though, everything turned out way better than I expected. This was a low maintenance high reward meal. I heated it for 3 minutes and then ate it. Who knew microwave meals could still be so beautifully simple. The food was also really quite good. I didn’t really expect the chicken to be that good because microwaving fried chicken is like…well, it is like microwaving fried chicken. But it ended up being really flavorful fried chicken-y fried chicken. It tasted like Swanson actually took its time to season this meal, taste test it, and then, I don’t know, RESEASON IT according to the taste testing. Is that even an option for microwave meal makers? This is such a foreign concept to me (and also to so many companies out there making crappy food), as I have grown so accustomed to tasteless but low caloric meals that I forgot that 230 calories could actually taste like 700 calories.
I am still trying to figure out how to describe the mashed potatoes. They were not so much as bad as they were just – too airy? But not in a good or bad way, just in a sort of weirdo way. I imagine the spaceship mashed potatoes taste like this – not creamy, not heavy, just sort of floating aimlessly through the universe. God I wish I could think of a food that has comparable texture but all I can think to compare it to a rice krispy treat made of mashed potatoes. The corn was good (yes I ate the corn)(yes it amazes even me that I ate it).
This meal had a lot working against it (four days of me eating pure deliciousness, sad looking frozenness, substituting a microwave for a deep fryer) and overall came out on top, so I am going to go ahead and give it 4 stars, although if I were in a less generous mood I would probably give it only 3.
Lean Cuisine Spaghetti with Meatballs
April 15, 2009 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.25 (on sale)
Serving: 1 meal, 9.5 oz.
Calories: 260
Fat: 8%, 5g
Cholesterol: 8%, 25mg
Sodium: 23%, 560mg
Protein: 18g
Carbs: 12%, 35g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points
Lean Cuisine says: Roasted and seasoned meatballs in a chunky tomato sauce accented with basil and mushrooms. Served with a side of spaghetti.
Adina says: First off, I’d like everyone to take a very close look at the box. And count the meatballs. And then count the meatballs that were on my plate. And then read my letter to Lean Cuisine, which I believe to be a really nice letter considering I was cheated out of a meatball, those bastards.
Dear Lean Cuisine,
Please do not ever ever EVER false advertise how many meatballs there are in a meal to dieters. We pore over those pictures, counting every single mushroom and thread of noodle and dash of basil before committing ourselves to yet another disappointing and unfulfilling lunch. And do not think we won’t notice once we start eating because WE DO. I always do a visual comparison before eating your meals in three fell swoops. This is your first warning – do it again and be prepared to suffer (like being force fed your shrimp & angel hair pasta or something equally as maniacal.)
Love,
Adina
My second complaint is when I went on the Lean Cuisine website to copy the description of the meal, I read this “review”: This spaghetti is almost as good as mine! (SMILE). I love everything about this…SHANNON R. ARDMORE, PA.
Dear Shannon,
Your spaghetti must really suck.
Love,
Adina
Seriously, who says that? People don’t buy Lean Cuisines because they are GOOD. They buy them because they are small and encourage you to count every single calorie you put into your body so that when you gorge on ice cream later that night you don’t feel as guilty. Nobody thinks Lean Cuisine pasta tastes as good as authentic homemade pasta. That is crazy. I am 100% convinced that Shannon from Ardmore, PA is the brain child of one of the LC web developers named Howard. I hate you Howard for underestimating me.
All this aside (and I realize it is a lot of “all”), the meal itself was not bad. The meatballs were meatbally – not as tasty as their swedish meatballs) half cousins, but no one can beat those damn Swedes. The pasta was a little overcooked but I actually think that was my fault. I wouldn’t necessarily call the sauce “chunky” but it was flavorful and red so what more can you ask for.
The problem with this meal is that I definitely have expectations for any meal called “Spaghetti and Meatballs”. And that expectation is that it is going to be a heaping pile of steaming hot spaghetti and giant delicious meatballs covered in a blanket of parmesan cheese. I think any food loving person would agree – Spaghetti and Meatballs is not the kind of meal you eat only one serving of. It is the kind of meal you eat until you want to slip into a food coma and die. And so even though this was a tasty enough meal and in all honesty I’ll probably buy it again despite the false advertising the Shannon, it made me feel depressed that I wasn’t sitting at my mother’s kitchen table, gorging myself on homemade food.
So I gave it a three. Because it made me sad.
Healthy Choice Café Steamers Creamy Dill Salmon
February 12, 2009 | Reviewer: Adina
Price: $2.00
Serving: 1 meal, 9.8 oz.
Calories: 240
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15mg
Sodium: 25%, 600mg
Protein: 19g
Carbs: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
WW Points: 5 Points
Healthy Choice says: Wild Salmon Fillet Slices Over Penne Pasta & Broccoli Florets with Creamy Dill Sauce
Adina says: So it has been about 15 minutes since I’ve eaten this meal, and I am still alive. Amazing, since I just ate three full salmon fillets cooked in the microwave. There is something so unholy and seemingly unsafe about cooking raw fish to fruition in the microwave that I half expected to drop dead right there after the first bite. But I didn’t and haven’t and so I guess that means it is time for me to review this meal versus just sitting here, contemplating my sorry sack of a life.
I am having a hard time deciding which way to go with this review. On one hand, I didn’t die! (Plus!) On the other hand, I just ate microwaved salmon. (Minus.) I’m sort of full! (Plus!) But with microwaved salmon. (Again, minus.)
It wasn’t bad. It was the way cooked salmon usually tastes, maybe even a bit more tender than most salmon. And the overall meal wasn’t bad tasting. The sauce would have definitely been the poster child of Healthy Choice sauces if it weren’t for the dill. The dill actually pushed the taste a little beyond “well accented” into “I can’t feel my tongue and I am now having nightmares about a dill plant eating my face.” At first, I wasn’t that fond of the face eating dill plant feeling, but then I was like…well, it is dill. That is the way dill can be. And every now and then, it can be exciting and kind of delicious, even if it is in a Little Shop of Horrors kind of way.
My final word on this meal – if you don’t have a problem with eating microwaved fish, then this is the meal for you. It is fairly tasty and filling and yes, it makes your life flash before your eyes, but it flashes slowly, so it is not that bad. If you do have a problem with eating microwaved fish, like I apparently do, then don’t eat this meal. You will spend the next three hours thinking about all the things in your life that you are grateful for.
