Abi Jones, Editrix

Hi, my name is Abi Jones and I created HeatEatReview.com to showcase the best and worst in microwavable meals. I’ve been called the “Robert Parker of Hot Pockets” and HeatEatReview.com has been featured in Real Simple magazine and on FoodCandy.com.

I wasn’t born an expert frozen meal critic. First, I earned a rather handy degree in Art History from Seattle University. While in Seattle, I led gallery programs at the Frye Art Museum and drank a lot of coffee.

My original aim of becoming ridiculously rich and famous upon graduation was supplanted by the Jesuit call to social justice. In the Spring of 2002 I joined Teach For America, for a two-year hands-on experience in improving education in a single classroom in one of America’s most impoverished communities. It was an empowering and humbling time in my life. If you’re thinking about applying for or giving money to Teach For America, I’d be more than happy to have a conversation with you about my time in Texas. Summary: I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Now I’m an Information Architect and User Experience Designer in Palo Alto, California. I love being a professional designer and I express that love in websites, administrative systems, process workflows, and eCommerce paths. Who else gets to have their ideas turned into products, and then refine those products to help other people achieve their dreams? Not too many people.

If you’d like to contact me for an interview, feature HeatEatEatReview.com on your food show, or ask me to be a guest on your History channel retrospective on frozen food, just use the contact form or send an email to abi-at-heateatreviewdotcom. If you’d like to see your product featured on HeatEatReview.com, please check out the review policy.

Latest Reviews by Abi:

Maruchan Instant Lunch: Chicken Flavor

August 1, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Maruchan Instant Lunch: Chicken Flavor Price: 34¢
Serving: 1 package, 2.25oz. + water
Calories per serving: 290
Fat: 18%, 12g
Cholesterol: 1%, <5mg
Sodium: 49%, 1,180mg
Protein: 7g
Carbohydrates: 13%, 38g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 1g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Maruchan says: Ramen noodles with vegetables. Fast and tasty as a hot snack or a delicious meal - anytime.

Abi says: You know you’re making a bad food choice when other people in Wal-Mart give you a look that says “Oh my God, you’re buying that?”

The negatives of Instant Lunch are vast: powdered chicken flavor that doesn’t fully dissolve in water (clumps, mmm), styrofoam packaging that mocks recycling efforts and microwave instructions that really read “Don’t put styrofoam in the microwave, you idiot. Heat water separately.”

On the plus side, this thing cost all of 34¢

And it didn’t taste like an old sock.

Between the excessive salt and uh, the excessive salt, there isn’t much good I can say about this lunch but “35¢! Woo!”

Filed Under 6 WW Points, Chicken, Maruchan Reviews | 34 Comments

Amy’s Indian Paneer Tikka

July 30, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Photo of Amy’s Indian Paneer Tikka Price: $5.00
Serving: 1 package, 9.5oz.
Calories per serving: 320
Fat: 28%, 18g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 23%, 550mg
Protein: 8g
Carbohydrates: 12%, 36g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
Sugar: 6g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Amy’s Kitchen says: An Authentic blend of spices in a base of organic crushed tomatoes and coconut milk, with soft, creamy cubes of paneer (Indian Cheese). Alongside the Paneer Tikka are Aloo Palak (delicately spiced organic chopped spinach and tender potatoes), and organic basmati rice flavored with cumin and carrots.

Abi says: Microwavable meals require too much attention: flipping, mid-cycle stirring, gravy-defrosting, and post-heating assembly are all negatives when it comes to frozen food. This entrée from Amy’s Kitchen required only a slightly opened cellophane wrapping and 5 no-worry minutes in the microwave, making a fantastic first impression.

“This is too easy.” I thought, expecting a disaster. Ah, there are caveats. Removing the meal from the plastic wrapper is fraught with danger, but what makes a meal more savored that preliminary steam burns? (Seriously though, if you’re thinking about keeping a few of these in the freezer for your kids or significant other, warn them about the invisible danger: steam) Another hazard: the environmentally-friendly, biodegradable paper tray wobbles under the gelatinous weight of the paneer-tikka-palak-rice combo. Sturdy dinnerware solves that problem, but for those offices (or homes) that stock few plates this could be an issue.

When it comes to the actual food, Amy’s Paneer Tikka isn’t take-out. Banish those thoughts of buttery, soupy palak and sweat-inducing masala. This meal is healthy, introductory Indian. Indian food for Iowans, if you will.

Anyone who’s ever made the mistake of buying a block of plastic-wrapped paneer (me, for example) will instantly realize that the cheese in this meal is fresh, fresh, fresh. I couldn’t believe that I’d pulled it out of the freezer just 10 minutes earlier. My five cubes of paneer (29% less cheese than shown on the box) were resiliently fluffy and provided a mild, buttery contrast to the rich, tomato-based masala.

The palak aloo (aka ‘cooked spinach and potatoes’, not ‘region of Iraq‘) isn’t completely macerated or strongly spiced, which means that the flavor of cooked spinach shines through. This is a positive or a negative depending on your relationship with cooked spinach. Guessing, I’d say that this meal contains 800% less butter than most Indian meals I consume.

And the rice. It is ricey. Each grain is fluffy and delicate and hey! there’s some stuff in the rice! (carrots and cumin seeds) You won’t notice either of those things while you’re eating the rice, but they make for a nice visual. My preferred eating method is to simply mix everything together and enjoy a subcontinental ghoulash. The rice holds in the masala (which is a danger to light-colored clothing) and the intensity of the cooked spinach is tempered by the cheese. I know, this meal seems really expensive right now, but after eating it you really will have another reason to feel good about yourself today.*

*Yeah, that’s the Smart Ones tagline and I totally stole it, but I unlike EVERY SINGLE EXPERIENCE, EVER that I’ve had with a Smart Ones meal, I really did feel good after I had this frozen meal.

Filed Under 7 WW Points, Amy's Kitchen Reviews, Four Stars, Gluten Free, HFCS Free, Vegetarian | 9 Comments

Smart Ones Chicken Fettucini

July 28, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Photo of Smart Ones Chicken Fettucini Price: $2.50 on sale
Serving: 1 package, 10oz.
Calories: 340
Fat: 10%, 6g
Cholesterol: 19%, 55mg
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 24g
Carbohydrates: 16%, 47g
Fiber: 17%, 4g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Smart Ones says: Indulge in all-white meat chicken and ribbons of tender pasta in a rich creamy parmesan cheese sauce, topped with a sprinkling of parsley and a dash of ground pepper.

Abi says: I admit it, I’m a Smart Ones hater. While other reviewers toss around stars like they’re handing out candy at a parade, I’m less likely to hop on the Smart Ones bandwagon. For one, I am not on a diet. For two, they make mediocre food. For three, when you go to their website there’s a woman on there who starts talking and the last thing I need is a website to start making noise when I go there. This is not MySpace. This is food.

At least, I think this is food. The all-white meat chicken looks like its been grilled, but a quick perusal of the ingredients label reveals that ever-present caramel color glaze. Caramel color is the world’s most consumed (by weight) food colorant. I understand when it appears in cola. I don’t need it on my microwaved chicken.

The noodles are the same limp noodles that appear in just about every microwave meal. They are easy to cut with the side of a fork and hold sauce well. The little specks of parsley and black pepper shown on the box are also evident in the cooked dish. Is microwaved parsley delicious? Nah, but it is nice to have a break from the visual and textural monotony of faux-cream sauce.

Smart Ones’ Chicken Fettucini proclaims to be diet food, but when it comes down to it, you can get a tastier, non-diet entree that’s just one WW point more than this junk. Does Chicken Fettucini really require ‘corn syrup solids’ and ‘cheese flavor’? No, it doesn’t.

If you want something with a chicken and a creamy, cheesy sauce, stop buying stuff like this. Make the one-point-more sacrifice (okay, and wallet sacrifice) and pick up a couple of Michael Angelo’s Chicken & Asiago entrees.

Filed Under 7 WW Points, Chicken, Smart Ones Reviews, Two Stars | 9 Comments

Sukhi’s Palak Paneer with Naan Bread

June 23, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Photo of Sukhi’s Palak Paneer with Naan Bread Price: $5.99
Serving: 1/2 package, 5.5oz.
Servings per package 2
REALITY CHECK:
Calories per container: 576
Fat: 50%, 32g
Cholesterol: 4%, 12mg
Sodium: 18%, 420mg
Protein: 16g
Carbohydrates: 20%, 58g
Fiber: 24%, 6g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 13 Points

Sukhi says: Delicate and flavorful Indian cheese pieces in a creamy and delicious blend of diced spinach and authentic Indian herbs and spices.

Abi says: Palak Paneer is an ugly dish. Dark brownish-green muck hides the occasional cheese cube, defies efforts of spoonless eaters and has the potential to wreak intestinal havoc.

Palak Paneer is also the best version of cooked spinach in existence, so you take the good with the bad.

This palak paneer from Sukhi’s features the frightening price of $5.99 for approximately 9 ounces of palak paneer and a piece of naan. This is an insane price for frozen food, even if it does included naan. But according to Sukhi, this box contains two servings, so three bucks per serving is a great deal if you believe in voodoo microwavonomics.

This palak paneer isn’t rich and savory. Instead it is thin and hot, with jalapeno peppers overpowering all other spices. Add the use of cheaper-than-butter (or ghee) canola oil and the dish goes from rich and creamy to bland (yes, spicily bland) and, well, still creamy.

The paneer (fresh Indian cheese) isn’t a player in this meal and the included microwaved naan shows that the claim “It’s Better With Naan!” is only true when the naan is fresh from the Tandoor or reheated in an oven. Naan needs crispiness to counteract its inherent fluffiness and this microwaved version falls short. It is also invisible, as you can see from the photo above. Okay, so it is not invisible, but there’s also not nearly enough to make it a suitable rice replacement. Size of naan: 1.25 CD jewel cases. If you can even remember the size of a jewel case. And 1.25 jewelcases of naan is not enough naan to deal with this spinach.

If you’re trying to pay north of $4.00 for a mediocre frozen meal, you could get this or Amy’s Palak Paneer (the bland version of this meal) and enjoy a toss-up in terms of tasty.

Filed Under Sukhi's Reviews, Three Stars, Vegetarian | Leave a Comment