Abi Jones, Editrix

Hi, my name is Abi Jones and I created HeatEatReview.com to showcase the best and worst in microwavable meals. I’ve been called the “Robert Parker of Hot Pockets” and HeatEatReview.com has been featured in Real Simple magazine and on FoodCandy.com.

I wasn’t born an expert frozen meal critic. First, I earned a rather handy degree in Art History from Seattle University. While in Seattle, I led gallery programs at the Frye Art Museum and drank a lot of coffee.

My original aim of becoming ridiculously rich and famous upon graduation was supplanted by the Jesuit call to social justice. In the Spring of 2002 I joined Teach For America, for a two-year hands-on experience in improving education in a single classroom in one of America’s most impoverished communities. It was an empowering and humbling time in my life. If you’re thinking about applying for or giving money to Teach For America, I’d be more than happy to have a conversation with you about my time in Texas. Summary: I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Now I’m an Information Architect and User Experience Designer in Palo Alto, California. I love being a professional designer and I express that love in websites, administrative systems, process workflows, and eCommerce paths. Who else gets to have their ideas turned into products, and then refine those products to help other people achieve their dreams? Not too many people.

If you’d like to contact me for an interview, feature HeatEatEatReview.com on your food show, or ask me to be a guest on your History channel retrospective on frozen food, just use the contact form or send an email to abi-at-heateatreviewdotcom. If you’d like to see your product featured on HeatEatReview.com, please check out the review policy.

Latest Reviews by Abi:

Jimmy Dean Snack-Size Biscuits: Sausage on a Biscuit

June 8, 2009 | Reviewer: Abi

Jimmy Dean Snack-Size Biscuits: Sausage on a Biscuit Price: $3.00 (usually $6.00)
Serving: 2 sandwiches, 1.7oz
Servings per package: 5
Calories: 400 per serving
Calories from Fat: 270
Fat: 46%, 30g
Saturated Fat: 50%, 10g
Trans Fat: 2.5g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 27%, 650mg
Protein: 19g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 10 Points

Jimmy Dean says: These snack-size sandwiches are great any time you’re hungry, and feature delicious Jimmy Dean® sausage on mini biscuits.

Abi says: Once a week I eat a breakfast that is not cereal or yogurt or oatmeal or a bagel. Once a week I have a sausage biscuit breakfast sandwich.* There is something undeniably amazing about the breakfast sandwich, combining the hangover-fighting properties of greasy protein with the absorbent qualities of bread. The breakfast sandwich is the superhero of morning comestibles.

Unfortunately, most frozen breakfast sandwiches come with cheese. Horrible, gooey, undetachable American cheese that I have to remove prior to cooking the breakfast sandwiches. And by cooking I mean microwaving until the bread is sort of mushy and the meat resembles something that I think astronauts might eat.

In terms of texture, these Jimmy Dean mini breakfast sandwiches are no better than any other frozen Jimmy Dean sandwich we’ve reviewed. The biscuits are forgettable and the sausage seems like space-food.** Plus, the juice from the sausage leaks onto the biscuits, staining them brown. This is not a pretty breakfast, even if it does take less than a minute (55 seconds!) to fully heat two biscuits in your microwave.

I am pleased to announce that they come in nice little two-packs, so that you can take them out of the box and easily tuck 5 breakfasts into the nooks and crannies of your freezer.

And perhaps hiding them is your best bet because these are not good for you. In fact, the nutrition information is sort of scary if you actually read it. Yeah, 10 Weight Watchers Points is not the end of the world, but it is an insane amount of fat for a quantity of food that can be weighed in grams. 96 grams to be exact. But, if I’ve been out all evening with friends, digging one of these breakfast sandwich two-packs out of the freezer seems like a much safer option than the Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru.

I cannot recommend or non-recommend these breakfast sandwiches. Your slightly tipsy self will love them. Your stone cold sober self will feel remorse. They are neither amazingly delicious nor disappointing. And if you can pick up a 10 pack for $3.00 they might make for a low class, yet decadent, backup breakfast.

*Sometimes I choose bacon. I do not limit myself when it comes to breakfast sandwich selection. But I do tend to shy away from ham and turkey in breakfast sandwiches. Those are lunchmeats, available any time of the day, so it seems strange to waste a breakfast on them.

**I know, at first it makes no sense for astronauts to eat sausage. But if you think about it, sausage would work really well in zero-gravity situations, much better than ground beef.

***While writing this review I could not stop thinking about breakfast sandwiches, so I went to Specialty’s and bought one. It was $4.00. Ouch.
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Filed Under Breakfast, Jimmy Dean Reviews, Made in the United States, Pork | 11 Comments

Marie Callender Pasta al Dente Tortellini Romano

June 3, 2009 | Reviewer: Abi

Marie Callender Pasta al Dente Tortellini Romano Price: $2.50 on sale
Serving: 1 package, 10oz
Calories: 460 per serving
Calories from Fat: 140
Fat: 23%, 15g
Saturated Fat: 35%, 7g
Trans Fat: 0g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 39%, 930mg
Protein: 19g
Carbohydrates: 21%, 62g
Fiber: 28%, 7g
Sugar: 7g
Weight Watchers Points: 10 Points

Marie Callender says: Inspired by the filled pastas of Parma, Italy, Tortellini Romano tempts with rich cheeses, a creamy marinara sauce, basil, and tomatoes.

Abi says: In the 22 comments that have thus far appeared on my review of Marie Callender’s Cavatappi Genovese Pasta Al Dente, I’ve learned that a lot of people who read Heat Eat Review don’t know the difference between overly spiced and spicy. I know that you, the person who is reading this right now knows the difference. I’m talking about all of those other people. To clarify:

Overly spiced is what happens when you’re making lasagna and as you shake a bit of lemon pepper into the ricotta the lid comes off of the lemon pepper canister and you end up with an entire container of lemon pepper in your cheese. You don’t want to eat that.

Spicy is the heat in salsa and vindaloo.

With that settled, I’m happy to report that Marie Callender’s Tortellini Romano is bathed in an almost creamy, pleasantly spiced sauce, with just minor problems. First, the steaming technology is not yet perfect. Every tortellini in the package came out with one side nicely al dente (way to come through on promises, Marie!) and the other side hard and unattractively sharp (as in pokey). In the middle portion of the product photo you can see those sorry albino tortellini (is tortellini the plural or is it tortellinis? Is this like the panini/panino thing where people who’ve been to Italy yell at me and everyone else says ‘Panino just sounds dumb’?).

Not only were the albino tortellini unpleasant to eat, they reminded me of that albino monk in The Da Vinci Code. What was up with his self-torture device? And wouldn’t it be tougher to beat him up if he went around torturing himself all day? Sorry, I just saw the movie the other day and I have a lot of unaswered questions. The filling of the tortellini involved luscious ricotta cheese, not torture. So aside from the extreme chewiness, which has no solution except to destroy the steam tray lid and stir or attempt to shake the steam item into submission (not recommended, ow).

The other ingredient included in the top portion of the steam tray is the saddest set of salmon-colored tomato dices ever invented. Did Marie Callender think people were going to freak out when they realized that they were not really getting many vegetables in this meal? Let’s face it, this is not health food, it is full of sodium, and it uses two pieces of plastic for the tray. This meal isn’t doing anyone any favors.

But if you do like a lot of salt (and I mean a lot, this meal has 39% of your daily sodium in just 10 ounces of food - and this isn’t that hidden sodium that you can’t tastes. This is that straight up sodium that makes you drink a gallon of water after lunch.) then you will probably like this meal. Plus, if you’re willing to eat cheese, this rare vegetarian meal from Marie Callender is a great thing to keep in the freezer for those emergencies where you need pasta but don’t want to boil water.

Ingredients: Cheese Tortellini (Flour [Durum Semolina, Niacin, Ferrous Sulfate, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid], Water, Ricotta Cheese [Pasteurized Whey, Milk Fat, Milk], Eggs, Wheat Flour [Enriched Wheat Flour (Contains Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Sugar, Soybean Oil, Yeast], Parmesan Cheese [Pasteurized Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes], Asiago Cheese [Pasteurized Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes], Salt, Black Pepper, Nutmeg), Diced Tomatoes in Juice, Water, Tomato Paste, Cream, Parmesan Cheese (Part-Skim Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzymes), Contains Less than 2% of Onion, Spices, Butter, Brown Sugar, Wine, Garlic, Olive Oil, Modified Food Starch, Salt, High Maltose Corn Syrup, Mono-Diglycerides and Datem.

Filed Under Marie Callender Reviews, Pasta, Three Stars, Vegetarian | 9 Comments

Trader Joe’s Fondue

May 29, 2009 | Reviewer: Abi

Trader Joe's Fondue Price: $4.99
Serving: 1/4 cup, 2oz
Servings per package: About 7
Calories: 130 per serving
Calories from Fat: 90
Fat: 10%, 7g
Saturated Fat: 14%, 3g
Trans Fat: 0g
Cholesterol: 5%, 14mg
Sodium: 17%, 410mg
Protein: 8g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 30g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 1g
Weight Watchers Points: 10 Points

Trader Joe’s: Fondue? Or fon-don’t? If prep time and the possibility of complicated ingredient pairings are stopping you from enjoying this quintessential continental creation, the answer is a resounding fon-sure!

Trader Joe’s Fondue is a savory blend of Swiss Emmental and Gruyere cheeses that’s just about perfect with baguette slices or fresh fruits & veggies. Really, though, if you’re not in a fondue mood, you can use this easy-to-prepare cheese blend to make au gratin potatoes, souffles, even quesadillas! However you enjoy it, you’ll agree… it’s fon-tastic!

Abi says: Starting with a maximum of five stars and working our way down from there, I have these thoughts for you on fondue:

a) Typing up this review made me hate Trader Joe’s super-long on-the-box product statements. And puns. At first it seems really cute, but after awhile I just think “Come on Trader Joe’s, ‘fon-sure’? Really?” -1

b) Fondue is sort of gross if you think about it too much. It is cheese and booze and spices, heated, then consumed with bread and vegetables. And while sometimes fondue is incredibly appetizing, there are other times where all I can think is ‘this is what it would look like if I ate a bunch of cheese and drank some wine, and then puked.’ -1

c) Cheeeeese. But oh my goodness, I do adore cheese. And this is a way to justify eating cheese for dinner. +1 for Fondue.

d) Cheese is not a sexy dinner. A couple of years ago my partner and I went out for fondue for Valentine’s day and then we saw a movie and then we went home and passed out on the couch. Why? Because once you start eating fondue you cannot stop eating it! It is just dip, that’s all. And really, who can stop eating things that involve dip? Before you know it, you are a significant other are roly-poly from consuming crazy amounts of cheese dip. Unless you are planning on participating in the Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling this is not to your benefit. -1 for Fondue.

e) Trader Joe’s is telling the truth about the approximate number of appetizer and/or snack-sized servings in this pouch of fondue. You could heat this up and serve with bread and apples to please 7 people. Or you and your partner could try to eat as much as possible and then have to throw out half a bowl of fondue. Fondue is for friends. +1 for Fondue.

Final result: a four-star rating for fondue.

Ingredients: Swiss, Emmental & Gruyere Cheese (milk, cheese cultures, salt, rennet [ANIMAL]), wine, water, potato starch, kirsch, sodium phosphates, salt, spices

P.S. Doesn’t the box look like the setup involves dipping cheese into fondue? I know, I know, it is supposed to illustrate that the fondue is made out of that sort of cheese, but I had to admit that for a second I thought “Oh my gosh, I hadn’t even considered dipping cheese into fondue. Would that work?”

Filed Under Four Stars, Product of Switzerland, Trader Joe's Reviews | 7 Comments

Trader Joe’s Paneer Tikka Masala

May 20, 2009 | Reviewer: Abi

Trader Joe's Paneer Tikka Masala Price: $3.49
Serving: 1 box, 9oz
Calories: 330 per serving
   Calories from Fat: 190
Fat: 32%, 21g
   Saturated Fat: 39%, 8g
   Trans Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 14%, 40mg
Sodium: 35%, 850mg
Protein: 9g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 25g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 POINTS

Trader Joe says: Paneer Tikka Masala with Spinach Basmati Rice - Authentic Indian Recipe

Abi says: I love Indian food. I like the rich flavors, the enthusiastic use of seasoning, the way you can eat with your hands using rice and/or naan. I like that there are dishes with cheese and dishes with meat and dishes with neither cheese nor meat.

What I don’t like is that paneer tikka masala doesn’t travel well. Sure, I can throw some leftovers in a plastic container, but the constant fear of a purse full of sauce is a huge deterrent. I’m talking serious fear here. I love my purse. I love paneer tikka masala. I don’t want my purse to get any paneer tikka masala lovin’. What can I say? I am a jealous lady.

You know who else is jealous? Everyone who saw this meal, from my commute buddy to coworkers, people either saw the box and said ‘Wow, that looks really good. I need to start bringing frozen food to work.’ or they endured the amazing aromas of my lunch and said ‘I am going to go get some Indian food now. Also, I hate you Abi for making me spend money instead of eating my sandwich in peace.’*

This meal weighs in at just 9 ounces, but provides such a hearty portion of tikka masala’d paneer that I was worried I wouldn’t have enough rice. The tikka masala is fragrant with spices that must come straight from heaven. The individual cheese cubes are not quite in the same abundance as shown on the box. In fact, the picture on the box is only really a “Serving Suggestion” if the suggestion is “Buy two boxes of the meal and put them on the same plate.”

Alas, I can’t tell you much about the spinach rice. In my enthusiasm to consume this meal I completely forgot to taste it solo. I just mixed everything together into one rather unattractive mass of super-delicious food. So, as a sauce-conveying mechanism, the green rice is awesome. As a stand-alone meal component I’m at a loss.

What I can tell you is that Trader Joe’s knows what they’re doing with this meal. There is exactly enough rice for the paneer and sauce, the flavor of the tikka masala is divine without being overly spicy (I adore spicy, this was medium intensity), and there’s no chance that the meal will end up all over the inside of your purse. Could this meal get any better? Yes, it could include a chocolate lava cake, then it would be perfect.

Bravo, Trader Joe’s!

*Not an actual quote. More like the gist of a quote. Yes, that person did go buy Indian food.

Filed Under 8 WW Points, Five Stars, Gluten Free, Trader Joe's Reviews, Trans Fat Free, Vegetarian | 23 Comments