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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. ~Katherine Cebrian

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Trader Joe’s Oatmeal & Cranberry Cookie Dough

August 22, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $2.99
Serving: 1 cookie, 1oz.
Servings per package: 16
Calories: 110 per cookie
Fat: 7%, 4.5g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 3%, 70mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 6%, 18g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 10g
Weight Watchers Points: 2 points per cookie

Trader Joe says: Trader Joe’s Oatmeal & Cranberry Cookie Dough is preformed for 16 perfect sized cookies and is ready to bake and enjoy in a matter of minutes. The cranberries in the cookies add a refreshing tartness to a rather sweet dough. . . these are a scrumptious twist on the more traditional oatmeal raisin cookie.

Abi says: As an adult with a palate accepting of a great many things I still do not understand how anyone could ever think the raisin is an acceptable ingredient in baked goods. Raisins are a form of chewy contamination, destroying the goodness of carrot cakes and cookies and making unfamiliar baked items instantly suspect. Cranberries, on the other hand, are fruity little nuggets of joy, adding delight to any item. I’ve used cranberries in making everything from muffins to cookies to biscotti. I love cranberries.

In Trader Joe’s Cranberry Oatmeal Cookie Dough, the cranberries are present without being overwhelming. There are 2-5 cranberry chunks per cookie and each one is a nubbin of chewy bliss. If you want your cookies cranberried-out, this could be a problem. However, each cookie is only 2 inches in diameter, so the cranberries are appropriately present.

The cookie dough itself is just okay, it has a nice balance of sweet and salty, but the texture and taste of oatmeal is missing, resulting in a cookie version of flabby, overcooked pasta. These cookies, whether baked for just 11 minutes (chewy) or 14 minutes (crispy) fall apart if handled with anything other than utmost care (just like the peanut butter cookies). I want an al dente cookie, one that stands up to a train ride to work and gives me an opportunity to enjoy it in forms other than tiny chunks.

A rather intense investigation revealed that rolled oats are the fourth item in the ingredients list after flour, brown sugar and butter. That might seem just fine until one does some further scouting and learns that the Quaker Oats recipe for vanishing oatmeal cookies uses 3 cups of rolled oats to just 1.5 cups of flour. Why are you skimping on the oats, Trader Joe’s?

The other downside to these cookies is that fresh from the oven they’re sort of creepy. Maybe it’s just a personal thing (like my dislike of baked raisins), but warm cranberries give me the willies and detract from what should be a great fresh-from-the-oven experience.

All in all, Trader Joe’s Oatmeal & Cranberry Cookie Dough is an alright way to make some easy breakfast cookies or an after-dinner dessert, but they don’t measure up to the quality of Trader Joe’s frozen chocolate chip cookie dough. Then again, does anything?

Tabatchnick Chicken Broth with Noodles & Dumplings

August 21, 2008 | Reviewer: Chavi

Price: $1.33 (on sale)
Serving: 7.25 oz.
Calories: 150 per serving
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 22%, 65mg
Sodium: 31%, 740mg
Protein: 5g
Carbohydrates: 6%, 19g
Fiber: 3%, Less than 1g
Sugar: 1g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 per serving

Tabatchnick says: Nothing beyond the title, actually.

Chavi says: Struck with an uncomfortable stomach ache, I headed to the store for some bread (for toasting) and some soup. After grabbing the bread I headed to the soup aisle to find that not a darn thing was on sale (it being nearly summertime and all), and nothing seemed to strike my fancy. I’m not one for watery soups, preferring thicker, stew-style ones, but on that day a soupy soup was necessary for what ailed me.

After scanning all the brands — Campbell’s, Healthy Choice, the house brand — nothing looked good, and I didn’t want to spend three bucks on a can of soup because I’m cheap. So I walked away, defeated and headed to the frozen food section for other options. I checked out the frozen pizzas and Lean Cuisines, but still, nothing was hitting the spot. And then I happened to wander by that rare gem: the frozen organic and Kosher foods section.

You know you’ve walked past it, checked out the frozen latkes and blintzes, perhaps you’ve even spotted the Tabatchnick soups and thought — ‘I wonder if?’ Well, I have an answer for you. I saw the comforting looking chicken noodle/matzo ball soup style box, and my stomach declared “yes!” Before stuffing it in my basket, and it being a frozen soup, I checked out the instructions. I wanted absolute ease. There are directions for the microwave and the stove, and not having a microwave at home, I went for the stove option — stick the packet of soup in a pan of boiling water and let it sit for 15 minutes.

Now, I’m a sucker for some good matzo ball soup. I’ve had the best of the best from some of the greatest delis and Jewish grandmas out there, so I was skeptical. But this soup? It needs nothing. I thought, maybe I’ll need the pepper, but on a single taste, it was perfect. I have to imagine they locked a hundred Jewish grandmothers in a room to get a recipe this precise, especially considering it’s of the frozen variety. The matzo balls aren’t exactly balls, but they get the point across. The noodles were tender and although it could have used some more of the vegetables, it was on par with what one would expect from a fresh bowl of chicken noodle soup with a matzo flair.

There being just two matzo balls, I ended up eating the entire thing, which, truth be told, really was only one bowl’s worth that you see in the picture (they say the packet should serve two). Either way, it’s still a decently low-points meal. If you’re worried about your sodium intake, you might want to take a step back from the bowl; it’s definitely high on the salt.

As is expected, I walked away with about 20 other things I didn’t need from the grocery store. But the important thing is that I got a grandmother-style serving of ailment-curing chicken soup.

Glutenfreeda Chocolate Minty Python Cookies

August 20, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $5.00 on sale (not cheap)
Serving: 1 cookie, 1.33oz.
Servings per package 12
Calories: 133
Fat: 6%, 4g
Cholesterol: 8%, 23mg
Sodium: 4%, 85mg
Protein: 1g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 23g
Fiber: 3%, 1g
Sugar: 13g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points each

Glutenfreeda says: Dark chocolate cookies with a hissss of mint!

Abi says: Cookies are nature’s perfect food. They’re hand sized (George’s hand shown), crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside, full of whatever pleases you (chocolate, fruit, peanut butter) and can be tossed in a ziploc bag for later snacking.

Unfortunately for folks allergic to gluten, nature’s perfect food often comes in an imperfect form. Gluten-free cookies are usually sandy or chalky or crumbly. Sure, they might be delicious (see Trader Joe’s Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookies), but if they fall apart in your hands & fail to travel well, then they lose the very versatility that makes cookies so prized.

Right away you’ll notice two things about these cookies: they are big and they are chewy. The cookies come in at 1 1/3 ounce each, making for a generous amount of dark, minty chocolate goodness. Usually, frozen and refrigerated cookies are in 1 ounce portions. Glutenfreeda’s cookies include xanthan gum as a substitute for the gluten that makes chewy cookies - well, chewy.

Glutenfreeda’s website features a ton of testimonials regarding the ‘realness’ of these cookies, so many that I get the impression that people have been suffering in wait of a truly good gluten-free cookie. And you know what? You don’t have to be celiac to enjoy these.

The baking instructions say:

Bake Real Cookies directly from the freezer. Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees. Place Real Cookies on an ungreased baking sheet about 3 inches apart. Bake for 20 minutes. Allow a couple of extra minutes baking time. Remove from oven and let cool slightly, then remove them to a rack or directly into your mouth, pausing occasionally to breathe.

But 20 minutes is a really, really long time to bake cookies. I recommend trying a small batch at 15 minutes and seeing how you like that first. The cookies come in a tub with a lid, so you can easily pull out a few for a quick treat or midnight snack. You know, if you feel like preheating an oven and waiting 15 minutes for some cookies to bake. Some deeply chocolatey, chewy, minty cookies.

Now, just because something is Gluten-free or wheat-free or whatever the catchphrase or allergen popular these days doesn’t mean it is healthy. These are cookies. They contain butter and chocolate and sugar. They are not health food. They are delicious.

South Beach Living Savory Beef

August 19, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Price: $2.00 (on sale at Schnucks)
Serving: 1 package, 9.4oz.
Calories: 220 per serving
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 39%, 930mg
Protein: 20g
Carbohydrates: 5%, 16g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points

South Beach Living says: Braised seasoned beef steak dices in a sauce with mushrooms, onions, celery & carrots with broccoli florets in a cheese sauce.

Rebecca L. says: “Savory” is one of those words that turns me off.

When I was in 6th grade, I had a huge crush on the guy who sat in the desk across from me. Really, it was fate. And I was twelve. One morning I woke up with a headache and wasn’t feeling too hot in general. I took some Tylenol, ate some leftover Stove Top Savory Chicken stuffing, downed a glass of orange juice and jumped on the train.

Two hours later, I started feeling a little queasy. You can only guess where this is going. I ended up getting sick ACROSS our desks. Needless to say, the emotional pain and sheer grossness of throwing up stuffing on my 6th grade crush makes the word “savory” a little hard to accept.

But South Beach, you tempt me. You were on sale! And have cheesy broccoli in the package! How could I resist?

When I opened up the box, I noticed that the tray’s white, the first white microwave-food tray I’ve ever seen. Was this done on purpose? Is frozen food subliminally racist? Are white tray less well suited for the job than the traditional black tray? Important questions to answer, people.

One semi-annoying feature of the South Beach is stirring. You’re expected to nuke for 3 minutes, then stir, then nuke for 4. I hate stirring. I buy frozen food because I’m lazy and want to fly on autopilot – open, microwave, peel, eat. Anyways, I noticed this entrée was super watery when I stirred it. It ended up being a little dry and goopy in the end, so who knows which is its true texture.

South Beach’s Savory Beef includes 4 medium-size chunks of beef. Each chunk is enjoyably meaty and satisfying. They actually taste like beef, not beef flavoring, and have a little fat on them but no gristle. Everything’s sort of salty (39% of my sodium RDA?!??!) and the beef is a little tough, but it’s microwave beef so that’s not really surprising. The beef sauce that looks so marvelous on the box is a no go. I think they micro-chopped the chunks of veggies because I found a grand total of zero mushrooms. The sauce isn’t un-tasty; there are onions in there, and carrots, and I can taste the celery. However, it’s the consistency of baby food. Chewing while on South Beach is apparently a toughie.

Moving on to the Broccoli Florets in Cheese Sauce: South Beach is using a very deep tray. Surprisingly, the broccoli portion is pretty generous and almost fills the entire compartment. However, it falls victim to the dreaded ’soggy & disintegrating’ broccoli character flaw. Also, cheese sauce? Lies. There is a melted cheese smear that got on, like, ¼ of the broccoli. It tastes slightly of cheese but, sorry, this is not cheese sauce. Good thing I like the way broccoli tastes.

Overall, the beef section is pretty good. If it wasn’t so salty, it would be the best frozen dinner beef I’ve ever encountered. The broccoli is OK, not amazing. But another thing is – this is a HUGE amount of food for 220 calories – this sucker weighs in at a whole 9.4 ounces! I credit all the veggies and the beef chunks have a little bit of fat on them, so they are tasty AND filling. No thanks to you cheese sauce! I probably won’t be hungry until at least 4pm at this rate.

If Lean Cuisine doesn’t go back on sale next week, this will be in my freezer again. Veggies, protein, tasty beef, what more you ask for?