Hot Pockets Supreme Calzone

August 4, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Photo of Hot Pockets Supreme Calzone Price: $2.75 on sale
Serving: 1/2 calzone, 4.25oz.
Calories per serving: 280
Reality:
Calories in calzone: 560
Fat: 38%, 24g
Cholesterol: 14%, 40mg
Sodium: 64%, 1540mg
Protein: 20g
Carbohydrates: 22%, 66g
Fiber: 18%, 4g
Sugar: 12g
Weight Watchers Points: 12 Points

Hot Pockets says: Indulge in the authentic Italian style taste of a restaurant classic, right at home! Enjoy a crispy, savory crust sprinkled wit Italian style cheeses and herbs, and filled with premium meats and cheeses. Pepperoni & sausage with green peppers, onions and mozzarella cheese.

Abi says: I didn’t buy this Hot Pocket Calzone for myself. I intended this product for my partner. Yes, for the man I love. You might be thinking that a Hot Pocket is an odd way to show you care, but this is grad school and it was one of the frozen items I tossed in the cart to nourish him through finals week. Sure, the other foodstuffs were Swedish Meatballs and Michael Angelo’s Chicken Parmesan, but George purchases and eats Hot Pockets of his own volition all of the time. And he likes calzones! And it was on sale!

Six weeks later I needed a fast dinner before hitting the gym. “Dang,” I thought, opening the freezer “George is never going to eat that.” So I ate a freaking HOT POCKET CALZONE. Then I went to the gym.

The microwave instructions are practically foolproof: place pocket in magical crisping sleeve, microwave for a few minutes (the box says 3:30, but I don’t trust my microwave and went with 4), let rest, consume.

The crust is everything Nestle claims: Italianish, herbed, crispy (though more crunchy at the corners), savory. As with the Lean Pocket of disaster, this is a successful fillings holding device.

Less successful, yet I ate all of it, is the filling. It is vaguely pizza-like, with some sauce (there’s sauce in there just to tick off all of to Calzone purists - though if you consider yourself a calzone purist you shouldn’t be anywhere near a Hot Pocket.), some gooey cheese I thought was mozzarella but turns out to be IMITATION MOZZARELLA CHEESE* (their capitalization, not mine), and tiny uniform-tasting bits of diced green pepper, sausage chunks and approximately 2 slices of pepperoni.

This isn’t something you eat and feel proud about. Or even somewhat happy about. This is something you eat because you think ‘in the next five minutes I need to put some sort of sustenance in my body and I’ve already had string cheese and bananas for breakfast, so those are out.’ If you already like Hot Pockets - buy these because they’re like a Hot Pocket on steroids.

If you do not like Hot Pockets then this item is not your friend.

*I was wondering how they could get away with saying that this pocket contains real mozzarella cheese when the 3rd item on the ingredients list (after unbleached enriched flour, water and pepperoni) was imitation mozzarella cheese. The strategy became clear when I read further down the ingredients list and found actual, real mozzarella cheese. It comes right after green peppers, of which there are almost none.

comments

6 Responses to “Hot Pockets Supreme Calzone”

IE on August 4th, 2008

I guess the mozzarela cheese is real fake cheese?? It’s like when it says made with real meat??
HunterKate on August 4th, 2008

That’s a dirty trick with the fake mozz/real mozz
Justin on August 5th, 2008

Hotpockets are making Panini’s now! I’ve only seen them at one particular Wal-Mart, but they were pretty good. I tried a steak and cheese on onion bread.
Abi Jones on August 5th, 2008

@IE The calzone contains real and imitation mozzarella. Both. But more imitation than real.

@HunterKate Definitely not cool

@Justin - I haven’t seen those! Everyone’s on a panini kick! I just picked up a pesto chicken (not Hot Pockets) one that looks pretty good.
Rose on August 7th, 2008

Mmm. I think I eat these fairly regularly, but I do infact split it down the middle and share with my fiance’, if I ate it all I’d feel like a beast. actually I already do only eating half of it. it’s just so ooey gooey that I can’t say no.
Rose on August 7th, 2008

Oh, had to say. the panini’s aren’t all that great. yeah, I eat alot of frozen food on roids. I had the philly cheese steak variety, it wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t delicious. too much onion, and I actually like onion.

also, I’ve never had the supreme variety of the calzone, I didn’t even know they made them. all the grocery stores here only carry pepperoni. =[