Chili’s Monterey Chicken

June 12, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Photo of Chili’s Monterey Chicken Price: $5.00 on sale (usually $7.00)
Serving: 1/3 package, 7oz.
Servings per package 3
Calories per serving: 320
Fat: 19%, 13g
Cholesterol: 22%, 65mg
Sodium: 59%, 1410mg
Protein: 24g
Carbohydrates: 9%, 26g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
Sugar: 7g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points per serving
Reality Points: 11 (for 1/2 the package)

Chli’s says: Two grilled chicken breasts with rib meat in barbecue sauce with smoked bacon and cheese. Includes garlic mashed potatoes.

Abi says: The Chili’s food collection is a series of products that meld restaurants and homes, capturing the least delicious parts of each environment.

We start with the main dish, the Chicken in the Chicken Monterey. This meal of 3 servings contains 2 chicken breasts (great math there, Chili’s). Each breast is the size of my hand if you cut off my fingers at the knuckle and both are sealed in a heavy-duty plastic bag along with about a cup of barbecue sauce.

The first cooking round involves venting the chicken pouch and microwaving on 1/2 power for 3-4 minutes. Or until hot. After that microwaving session, the preparer opens the pouch and dumps everything into the provided tray. This sounds easy, but really involves significant dexterity in handling a vented (read: has holes in it) package of super-hot liquid and meat. Into the tray the chicken breasts go, with a bit of time for spooning sauce over them and about 30 seconds for opening and sprinkling the cheese and bacon bits. Mmmm, cheese.

Zap the newly exposed breasts (okay, now covered with cheese and bacon) for 1 minute at 50% power (Ugh, again with the 50% power) and then set aside while you ‘cook’ the mashed potatoes.

At this point, the instructions take a turn for the worse, telling me about microwaving times and powers before saying ‘Oh yeah, remember to vent this or potatoes will explode all over your microwave.’ Fortunately, I read ahead.

Unfortunately, at some point one must take the vented potato pouch out of the microwave and get the potatoes from plastic to plate. This involves cutting open the pouch (not hard) and squeezing out the appropriate amount of piping hot potato glue onto each plate (potentially blister-inducing).

And then there’s the actual meal consumption.

The sickly-sweet barbecue sauce is thin and runny, with the consistency of hot maple syrup, but no flavor depth. The chicken breasts are edible, but not delicious or even ‘good’. There’s a reason why microwave meals rarely include whole breasts of chicken: microwaves abhor density. Things in chunk form are ideal for microwave heating, things thing size of my hand are not. Keep that in mind the next time you think about heating up a body part. The resulting chicken is something that the Cylons would make thinking that it could imitate the best of the human experience (which would be barbecue).

The included cheese and bacon bits seem like a good idea, but the cheese quickly hardens into a bland, greasy carapace. This is one of the great weaknesses of microwaved cheddar and the reason why I show no shame in using Velveeta and Ro-tel to make dip.

The potatoes are a gluey, gooey replication of good mashed potatoes. The problem is that they’re overwhipped, turning them into a vat of tightly strung starch molecules. And you know what you make with starch? Piñatas, that’s what.

I do not eat piñatas.

comments

8 Responses to “Chili’s Monterey Chicken”

Marvo on June 12th, 2008

I am not surprised with your verdict because I don’t think Chili’s food is very good in any form. Sure, I’m lured by their commercials to try some sizzling fajita thing, hoping that it will be better, but it never is.

Olive Garden needs to make microwaveable dishes.
HaveGoodGetGive on June 12th, 2008

$7 for that mess?!?!?! Chili’s isn’t good to begin with so I’m not surprised the frozen variety isn’t either.
Lisa on June 12th, 2008

I tried their Steak Fajitas not too long ago. It was the single most disgusting thing I’ve eaten that wasn’t a Smart Ones.
rob on June 12th, 2008

I went for the fajitas too and they sucked, total waste of money.
MaryAnne on June 12th, 2008

Abi, you are very brave.

I feel like with all the heating, pouch-squeezing, and instruction-following you deserved something that tasted at least edible. Chili’s should be ashamed.
Rose on June 12th, 2008

I agree that Chili’s in any form is bad. I see the commercials daily and think “Gee, I wish we had a chili’s here.” the closest is about an hour and a half away. but then I think back to the last meal I had there, which consisted of chicken which seemed to be battered in corndog batter, yes, ew.

this looks good. but uhm, way over priced and I think I’ll take your word for it’s not deliciousness.
beth on June 12th, 2008

I tried the macaroni grill pasta millano and one of the chill’s versions when they were on sale at publix and have never been so repulsed by frozen dinners in my life. I even called the company which I never do, and they offered free coupons which I promptly refused and they sent me a check for my money back. This was about 6 months ago and I thought they would be off the market by now. Just the thought of it makes me nauseated.
Chavi on June 13th, 2008

See … I love Chili’s. I can’t help it. Their chips and salsa are delicious and their entrees aren’t that bad, either. But maybe that comes from a childhood where there were only chain restaurants and you learned to love it.

But I’ve always wondered about these … and now I know … to run away.