Heat Eat Review

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Food, like a loving touch or a glimpse of divine power, has that ability to comfort. ~Norman Kolpas

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Green Giant Simply Steam Garden Vegetable Medley

March 13, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 package, 4oz.
Calories: 50
Fat: 1%, 0.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 26%, 280mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 4%, 11g
Fiber: 6%, 1g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 1 Point per Serving

Green Giant says: Sugar snap peas, roasted potatoes, red peppers and garden herbs

Abi says: Over a year ago, my friend and fellow reviewer Jess proposed that we create and publish a frozen vegetable continuum. This chart would inform frozen food companies about the heat and eatability of each member of the vegetable family. If we’d made the chart, perhaps this side dish would have never come to fruition. Not that the folks at Green Giant are actually paying any attention to Heat Eat Review. But you know, if they were and if we did then my lunch would have been much happier.

On that non-existent chart roasted red peppers would appear definitively on the ‘NO’ side. I enjoy a good roasted red pepper in regular life, but in the world of microwaved food the only thing they provide is color. Color and unavoidable sliminess. Fortunately, the red peppers were the least populous part of this side dish, far outnumbered by the potatoes and peas.

The potato portion is perfect for anyone who lacks self control when it comes to tuber consumption. Plus, the seasonings are peppery and piquant and probably other words that also start with p. Sure, the potatoes have the grainy mealiness of frozen and microwaved spuds (there’s a reason why they’re called ‘root cellars’ and not ‘root iceboxes’), but I have to say that they provided me with a full stomach and an opportunity to really taste the seasoning.

Rounding out the triumvirate of not-that-great vegetables were the sugar snap peas. There were not snappy. There were also not sugary. Instead, they were exactly the sort of vegetable that lead small children to avoid anything green until they’re in their 50’s and the threat of prostate cancer looms large.

Green Giant’s Garden Vegetable Medley is the least enjoyable steamed vegetable product I’ve consumed in the last six months. Now I understand why some of you consider ‘enjoyable steamed vegetable product’ an oxymoron. I cannot in good conscience call this two servings of vegetables, but considering that I won’t be buying them again, I’m not too worried about their serving size definitions.

If you’re looking for something healthy to supplement your lunch I suggest you turn to the simple and somewhat Italian-seasoned Simply Steam Carrots and Broccoli instead.

Gits Dal Makhani

March 11, 2008 | Reviewer: Andrew

Price: Free from Gits*
Serving: 1/2 pouch, 5.3oz.
Calories: 234 per serving
Fat: 19.4%, 12.6g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 23.1%, 554mg
Protein: 8.6g
Carbohydrates: 7.2%, 21.5g
Fiber: 2.8%, 0.7g
Sugar: 0g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Per Serving, 12 Per Pouch

Gits says: During the days of British rule in India, Dal Makhani found favor with the connoisseurs of food — the Mughals and the Nawabs. A blend of black gram, Bengal gram and red kidney beans are cooked on a slow charcoal fire for up to 16 hours and then delicately tempered and seasoned with exotic spices and light cream.

Andrew says: I love lentil soups and I love kidney beans and I love Indian food. So here’s an Indian lentil soup with kidney beans. Is there any chance I won’t love this?

Well, if there was a chance, it was a tiny one. This is a fantastic dish executed excellently by Gits. It’s like regular lentil soup if lentil soup had a lot more spice and life to it. There are little strands of ginger, onions, a touch of garlic, chilies, coriander, cumin and Fenugreek leaves all dancing together in a dark reddish, creamy ballroom of flavor.

And it really is surprisingly creamy. The third ingredient listed is cream and it really provides a nice, smooth, almost cheesy base for the spice and beans. It helps bring all the flavors together on the palate rather than having them hit at different times. I really enjoy that effect. The packaging says Dal Makhani is India’s favorite lentil dish and I must say it’s already mine as well.

But because I’m white, I rarely have flatbread on hand to enjoy a soup like this with (not that it NEEDS the bread, but it always helps), so I got out my bag of Santitos white corn tortilla chips and dunked away. It was delightful! The fusion of Mexican and Indian cuisine … sounds like a recipe for a long stay on the toilet, but I think this works anyway. Wait until they hear about this in Mumbai!

*When I sent Andrew food he did not know which items were free from producers and which were ones I’d purchased. -Ed.

Foster Farms Honey Crunchy Chicken Corn Dogs

March 10, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $4.19 per box of 6
Serving: 1 corn dog, 2.67oz.
Calories: 180
Fat: 13%, 9g
Cholesterol: 8%, 25mg
Sodium: 22%, 540mg
Protein: 7g
Carbohydrates: 6%, 19g
Fiber: 0%, 0g
Sugar: 6g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points

Foster Farms says: Easy to heat & eat. They’re fun-tastic anytime! Foster Farms Corn Dogs have the “just right” combination of plump, juicy hot dogs dipped in honey crunchy batter.

Abi says: I think that sometimes people get these images of Silicon Valley that are glamorous or sweatshop-like and while both of those realities exist there is also the point where 40 people say on Facebook that they are going to show up for a dinner and the location is set as the San Jose Mall’s FOOD COURT and then only 6 people show up and you think to yourself ‘Am I really having a Jamba Juice for dinner? Really?’

Of course, at the mall (don’t worry, we have since gone to actual restaurants) I was briefly entranced by Hot Dog on a Stick. I’d forgotten that they even existed and while I wasn’t about to order a hot dog on a stick or a cheese on a stick (yes, it is real) I decided that I’d get some to eat at home.

The first lesson here is that packages of corn dogs are made for people with families. The first two stores I visited they only carried 36-packs. I wanted just a hit of county-fair nostalgia, not a month of it. Eventually I lucked out with a 6-pack for $4.19. I would have purchased the 36-pack (just $9.99!) and saved the gas money, but do you think I have room in my freezer for an enormous box of corn dogs? I do not.

Unlike many a Lean Cuisine, these are not low calorie. Fortunately, they’re made with chicken, not beef. You get a chicken dog and breading for 180 calories. With a beef hot dog you don’t get breading, but you still get 180 calories. Also, these come on a wooden stick, which is fun and will remind you of your childhood. But then you’ll end up thinking about it to much and get weirded out by the sheer oddness of eating a cornbread-wrapped piece of re-formed chicken impaled on a tiny blunt stake.

My preferred cooking method for these mirrors the somewhat complicated way that I make heat up Morningstar Mini Corn Dogs. I bake them in the oven for ten minutes, microwave them until they are hot inside (a minute) and then bake them in the oven for another few minutes to ensure the crispiness of the cornbread layer.

Yes, I use two appliances to make corn dogs. That is the beauty of working at home. The actual hot dog itself is pleasantly chewy, but it is another one of those things that you don’t want to think about for too long. Hot dogs are consumed because it is a national holiday with fireworks, you are at the beach or you are experiencing a salt deficiency, not because they have a fantastic mouthfeel.

The unsatisfactory part of this item was the cornbread coating. It was approximately a centimeter thick and overpowered the salt of the hot dog with sugar. This is what I get for buying Honey Crunchy flavor corn dogs. Honey Crunchy is a cereal, not a proper variety of meat product.

The next time I’m craving corn dogs, I’ll look for a brand that doesn’t involve cloying sweetness. If you have a preferred corn dog style or flavor, I’d like to hear about it.

Lean Cuisine Flatbread Melts Chicken Ranch Club

March 7, 2008 | Reviewer: Nicole

Price: Free from Lean Cuisine
Servings Per Container: 1
Calories: 330
Total Fat: 14%, 8g
Saturated Fat: 16%, 3g
Cholesterol: 8%, 20g
Sodium: 26%, 640g
Protein: 21g
Carbs: 14%, 41g
Dietary Fiber: 17%, 4g
Sugars: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 7 Points

Lean Cuisine says: White meat chicken, tomato, bacon & a ranch sauce in a soft flatbread.

Nicole says: I love bacon. I love it so much that I’ll even use those imitation bacon bits at the salad bar. They still taste “of” bacon, right? The essence of bacon. This flatbread melt has that same essence. And much more.

This must be the most colorful frozen meal I’ve had in weeks. Bright reds, yellows, greens, a light yellow “ranch sauce”. And as with my previous flatbread experience, this thing is herbed. As in, it contains some herbs and spices, and some flavor survived the freezing process. The flavor is the thing here- you can actually tell the ingredients apart by taste - the chicken tastes like chicken, the tomato tastes like tomato.

And the cheese? Well, there are two kinds, (reduced fat) mozzarella and (light pasteurized process) cheddar. The diet cheese is by no means a highlight of this meal, but you can taste it from time to time. I just hate the way it cooks up - light cheese is a very bad, highly uneven melter. Boo.

The flatbread aspect of the meal does three things. It holds the ingredients - you know, it’d be tough to eat a mess of chicken, tomatoes, yellow peppers, spring onions, and cheese without a conduit. It also makes the meal remotely filling, so you cold actually get away with eating this on its own for lunch (I, however, will supplement). Unfortunately, the chewiness of the bread and the juxtaposition of its flavorlessness next to the nicely seasoned filling takes away from the meal. I think they need to herb the flatbread, too.