Trader Joe’s Meatless Corn Dogs

March 31, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Trader Joe’s Meatless Corn Dogs Price: $2.59
Serving: 1 corn dog, 2.5oz.
Calories: 160
Fat: 5%, 3.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 23%, 560mg
Protein: 9g
Carbs: 7%, 22g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points

Trader Joe says: Low Fat, 4 grams of Soy Protein per Serving

Abi says: Yes, I’m still on the eternal quest for the perfect corn dog. I want something that reminds me of a carnival, complete with funnel cakes, rickety ferris wheels and goldfish that meet unfortunate deaths via ping-pong ball games.

Trader Joe’s meatless version comes nowhere near the actuality of a corn dog. I find this confusing because the meat in corn dogs is so far away from actual animal muscle that I’m surprised it can’t be replicated with vegetable products. I suspect that my Morningstar Sausage-related hypothesis of the need for connective tissue comes into play here as well.

The first problem with these corn dogs is the lack of snap. I know, that sounds disgusting. It is disgusting. And there’s no way to describe ’snap’ better than the resistance a hot dog has to being eaten. Yes, I judge food based on how much it doesn’t want to be consumed. The second problem with these corn dogs is the batter. Even after being baked in a real oven the interior of the cornbread breading was wet rather than fluffy. Considering that I base a large portion of my food judgments on texture it wasn’t surprising that I only took a couple of bites of the corn dog.

The box of three leftover corn dogs then sat in my freezer for a month before I decided to toss them in favor or newer, more exciting frozen items.

I don’t buy fake meats for my own amusement. I buy them because I think there’s a chance they’ll make plausible substitutes for real, less-healthy meats. I buy them hoping that I can lower the amount of fossil fuels used to create my meals (and yet I run this website). And I buy them with the hope that someday cloned, cultured meat will exist and I won’t have to make these choices anymore.

Further information on meat:

comments

5 Responses to “Trader Joe’s Meatless Corn Dogs”

Crow on April 3rd, 2008

We already have cloned, cultured meat. Certain special interests keep badgering the Federal government to spend more pork on their meat.
Maywither Dragon on April 3rd, 2008

that’s a shame. corn dogs look really yummy
Jordan on April 4th, 2008

This review is not helpful. After reading it, I have no idea what these taste like. That’s kind of important when you’re writing a food review. All I know is that they don’t “snap”.

At the bottom is “further information in meat” (a bit broad, don’t you think?), followed by three random links. What does a web page about cultured meat, which is not even commercially available, have to do with a review of a meatless hot dog?

All you did was waste my time.
anastasia on April 5th, 2008

@Jordan: Wow, you’re on a website that reviews microwaveable meals. Now might be the moment to relax a little.
laurafries.com on April 8th, 2008

Ah, this must be the jordan i dated in high school, who was a hater then too.

I’ve eaten these waaay too many times to be proud of, and I can say at their best (when you’re a little tipsy and on your way to a UFC fight night), they taste hot.

Not ‘like’ anything. Just steamy, too soggy meat product, with tasteless corn wrapper.