Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast

March 14, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast Price: $1.50
Serving: 1 package, 8 7/8oz.
Calories: 360
Fat: 27%, 18g
Cholesterol: 14%, 45mg
Sodium: 36%, 880mg
Protein: 20g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 30g
Fiber: 7%, 2g
Sugar: 2g
Weight Watchers Points: 8 Points

Stouffer’s says: Tender boneless chicken breast with rib meat in a seasoned crispy coating with mashed potatoes and gravy

Kelly says: I am adapting to the South. When I lived in the Great White North I used to be embarrassed about how much time I spent on my hair. The only reason my excessive blow-drying was acceptable was that if my hair wasn’t completely dry when I left the house it would freeze onto my head in curly icicles. But now I live in the suburbs of the ATL, a place where my own personal vanities are nothing compared to those of the women who were born in the South. They have other people to blow dry their hair for them.

Other things I like about the South: Fried Chicken. I never knew anyone with a deep-fryer, let alone people who had their own family fried chicken recipes. I feel compelled to make my coworkers get into arguments about whose fried chicken is better just so that they’ll have a fry-off and I’ll get to reap the greasy rewards.

By now, my boyfriend knows not to get between a born-again Southern girl and her fried chicken. He also knows that fried chicken is awful for both of us so even though he is a great cook, he never makes it. Ladies: don’t get involved with a professional cook because while you’ll feast when you first start dating one day you will get to work and realize that you are looking forward to your frozen meal because you get to review it.

Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast Meal is not a worthy substitute for Fried Chicken. Buying this was just dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Because I live in the South. South, South, South. So I will not give you this review as a Southerner. I will put on my staid, commonsense Lutheran cap and let you know just what you’ll get from Stouffer’s.

Visual inspection of the meal reveals a bigger than my hand and slightly thicker than an iPod piece of chicken. The chicken is covered with an orange breading that I assume will be seasoned because orange = seasoned. See Curly Fries and Cheez Whiz for proof of orange/flavor correlation. The chicken rests next to a clementine-orange sized pile of mashed potatoes. They are white. They are gravied. The gravy looks like the water that gathers everywhere during the Spring thaw: thickly beige and speckled with dirt. Or spices in the gravy’s case. I am sure that Stouffer’s is not trying to make me eat dirt.

The meat is nice white stuff that I can cut with the side of my fork. It exhibits chew and flavor, but the breading is soggy. If I hadn’t been repeatedly exposed to the delicious virus known as Fried Chicken then I would probably think this is not too bad. As it happens, anyone who is familiar with the fried will be really disappointed in this breading.

The mashed potatoes are fluffy and come in too small of a portion for such a big piece of chicken. I like to chop up my chicken into bite size chunks and then mix it in with my gravied mashed potatoes and pretend that I’m back home eating a hot dish. I guess the people at Stouffer’s don’t take the potato as seriously as the people at the United Nations.

I love gravy and I am happy that both of my homelands are also places of gravy love. Is there a part of the United States that doesn’t like gravy? If so, I do not want to live there. This is a light gravy and I really appreciate that there’s enough of it for both my chicken and my mashed potatoes. But if I had my way and there were more mashed potatoes then I would need more gravy.

As an almost Southerner, I wouldn’t be able to stomach this meal. But if I was at home, visiting my parents in the dead of winter, I would pick up one or two of these at Coburn’s to tide me over until I re-entered the republic of the South.

P.S. I’m sorry about the long intro on the review, but nobody here seems to understand that the rest of the country just does not take blow-drying that seriously. They would be aghast if they ever visited Brooklyn. But man, I would pay money (premium cable money) to see a show about a bunch of Southern Ladies dropped in the middle of New York City. “Oh my goodness, Louise! That young man failed to open a door for me! What ever shall I do?”

P.P.S. I’m sorry about the weird picture. There was stuff from work in it (Kelly is not my real name) so I had to edit out a bunch of stuff with MS Paint.

comments

7 Responses to “Stouffer’s Fried Chicken Breast”

CC on March 14th, 2008

LOL - “I feel compelled to make my coworkers get into arguments about whose fried chicken is better just so that they’ll have a fry-off and I’ll get to reap the greasy rewards.” I’ll have to remember this little trick next time!
bj on March 14th, 2008

One of my favorite things about living in the south is that i can half blow dry my hair and ride to work with the window down and voila! It’s dry when I get there! (This only applies when it is warm enough, which happens to be about eight months a year.) also, I can’t make fried chicken to save my life. I did get a cast iron skillet for christmas in hopes of changing that, but why try when Watershed is down the street? And by the stereotypes that are in this column of the south, especially as an Atlantan, it is obvious that you are in the suburbs. Kind of like the women on The Real Housewives of New York City do not represent the majority of women living in New York, the debutantes do not represent the majority of women in Atlanta. (I’m not offended, but kind of amused. I know tone doesn’t come off well in superlong blog comments.)
Kelly on March 14th, 2008

CC, this has only worked with red velvet cakes, not with actual fried chicken.

BJ, I hope I didn’t offend you! I do live in the suburbs, but I work in the city (I’m a social worker). So during the work day I never see women with enormous blonde bouffants. However, I do see them at events where I’m presenting about issues in ‘the community’ (Junior League sorts of things). And they are funny. Hoo boy.

Um, I have really curly hair. If it air dries it looks like I am an extra in Flashdance. And not a sexy dancer extra. So, I blow dry. I just don’t seem to be as amazing at it as the women in the pastel outfits.
bj on March 14th, 2008

Of course, no offense. I grew up here, I know what you mean. I just get the feeling people not from here (or people that haven’t visited the south at all) think the southern belle is a majority instead of a minority, especially in the city.

As much as I would love curly hair, I have to admit, my car blow drying is one of the first things i do on days when it finally creeps up to seventy. So happy the weather for drinking beer on bar patios and hanging out in the dog park is almost here!
Amber on March 14th, 2008

I was born and raised in the South, and this post has explained a lot for me. I’ve never been able to STAND any breaded chicken frozen dinner, because the breading turns to mush. I never traced it back to my roots, and my exposure to highly superior fried chicken.

Now I know. And now I’m craving fried chicken.
madison on March 14th, 2008

i eat those things constantly. (okay, obviously not actually constantly but you get the idea.)

it seems to help if you think of it not so much as “fried” but as “breaded, frozen, and then microwaved, while sitting in gravy the whole time.” that makes it much less disappointing.
Andrea on March 17th, 2008

I feel like a Southern outcast because I’ve never been a huge fried chicken fan

I am however a fan of leaving the house with wet hair !!

This review cracked me up I loved it it also inspired me to make an MS Excel chart expressing the correlation between orange vs flavor and send it to my friends. Hilarity ensued.