Trader Joe’s Meatless Corn Dogs

March 31, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Trader Joe’s Meatless Corn Dogs Price: $2.59
Serving: 1 corn dog, 2.5oz.
Calories: 160
Fat: 5%, 3.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 23%, 560mg
Protein: 9g
Carbs: 7%, 22g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 Points

Trader Joe says: Low Fat, 4 grams of Soy Protein per Serving

Abi says: Yes, I’m still on the eternal quest for the perfect corn dog. I want something that reminds me of a carnival, complete with funnel cakes, rickety ferris wheels and goldfish that meet unfortunate deaths via ping-pong ball games.

Trader Joe’s meatless version comes nowhere near the actuality of a corn dog. I find this confusing because the meat in corn dogs is so far away from actual animal muscle that I’m surprised it can’t be replicated with vegetable products. I suspect that my Morningstar Sausage-related hypothesis of the need for connective tissue comes into play here as well.

The first problem with these corn dogs is the lack of snap. I know, that sounds disgusting. It is disgusting. And there’s no way to describe ’snap’ better than the resistance a hot dog has to being eaten. Yes, I judge food based on how much it doesn’t want to be consumed. The second problem with these corn dogs is the batter. Even after being baked in a real oven the interior of the cornbread breading was wet rather than fluffy. Considering that I base a large portion of my food judgments on texture it wasn’t surprising that I only took a couple of bites of the corn dog.

The box of three leftover corn dogs then sat in my freezer for a month before I decided to toss them in favor or newer, more exciting frozen items.

I don’t buy fake meats for my own amusement. I buy them because I think there’s a chance they’ll make plausible substitutes for real, less-healthy meats. I buy them hoping that I can lower the amount of fossil fuels used to create my meals (and yet I run this website). And I buy them with the hope that someday cloned, cultured meat will exist and I won’t have to make these choices anymore.

Further information on meat:

Filed Under 3 WW Points, Cholesterol Free, One Star, Trader Joe's Reviews, Trans Fat Free, Vegetarian | 5 Comments

Smart Ones Roast Beef

March 27, 2008 | Reviewer: Sarah

Smart Ones Roast Beef Price: $3.00
Serving: 9 oz.
Calories: 190
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 17%, 50mg
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 19g
Carbohydrates: 4%, 11g
Fiber: 13%, 3g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points

Smart Ones says: It’s a sophisticated dish with tender cuts of roast beef and portobello mushrooms, smothered in a tangy vermouth sauce, and a mix of crisp broccoli and cauliflower on the side. So delicious, so satisfying… and another little way you can be good today.

Sarah says: This meal sat in my freezer for quite a while. For some reason, there was always something else that seemed more palatable. But in my recent quest to get a hot body for the summer, I’ve been more careful with my caloric intake. Since I’m going out for dinner tonight, at only 190 calories this meal was the clear winner for lunch.

When I removed it from the microwave, I wasn’t overjoyed at the smell. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a bad smell per se, but it wasn’t amazing, either. I have to tell you though, I was pleasantly surprised at the taste! Ok, so the veggies needed a tiny bit of salt and pepper, but after that, this meal was none too shady.

The things I enjoyed, in list form:

The meat. The box didn’t lie, the roast beef was tender indeed. And delicious! And plentiful, and filling, and the list goes on and on. I have nothing but good things to say about the roast beef, which is good, since that is the name of this meal. Seriously Smart Ones, “Roast Beef?” Not, “Roast Beef and Vegetables?” Or even “Delicious Roast Beef?” You should talk to the people in your creative department. Or maybe hire me.
The vegetables tasted like real vegetables. I don’t really like the green stuff in general, so I’m extra picky when it comes to the frozen ones. But while I wouldn’t agree with the official description of “crisp,” I did think they were pretty good.

…And I guess that’s it. I liked the meat, I liked the veggies, and that’s pretty much all there was to this meal. The sauce wasn’t so bad either, though I wouldn’t call it “tangy.” All in all, for 190 calories, I feel full and decently satisfied. That’s what I look for in a microwavable lunch.

Oh, one final note - I don’t know if you can tell from the picture, but they definitely show little red things (Peppers? Tomatoes?) in the veggies. It was clear to me when I opened it up that that was a dirty lie. Sort of. I did find ONE of those little buggers (Conclusion: definitely a pepper) buried under a piece of broccoli. Frankly, this didn’t affect my judgment of the meal because I freaking hate peppers. AND tomatoes. But as a good reviewer, I thought I should alert you to this little fact. You’ve been warned, pepper-loving freaks.

Filed Under 4 WW Points, Beef, Four Stars, Smart Ones Reviews | 5 Comments

Duncan Hines Oven Ready! Homestyle Chocolate Fudge Brownies

March 26, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Duncan Hines Oven Ready! Homestyle Chocolate Fudge Brownies Price: $3.00 on sale
Serving: 1/12 pan, 1.42oz.
Calories: 170
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 4%, 85mg
Protein: 2g
Carbs: 8%, 23g
Fiber: 4%, <1g
Sugar: 16g
Weight Watchers Points: 4 Points each

Duncan Hines says: First brownie that comes frozen and ready to bake, packaged in convenient, oven-ready trays - no prep and no clean-up necessary.

Abi says: After my disappointing experience with Trader Joe’s Ready to Bake brownies I wasn’t excited to try out the Duncan Hines variety. I don’t even like Duncan Hines’ boxed brownie mix: if I’m using a mix I prefer the Betty Crocker one that comes with a syrup pouch. But I knew that there was room in Josh’s freezer and these pre-mixed brownies were sale at Safeway. Frozen batter, how you tempt me.

Preparation was easy: preheat the oven, pop in the unwrapped tray and wait for 1/2 an hour. While waiting, the scent of cocoa filled the house, tempting those who made the rather unfortunate choice of giving up chocolate for Lent. I suppose that sort of sacrifice made Easter all the more awesome. When the brownies were done I sliced them into an inappropriate number of servings (10 instead of the recommended 12) based on there being 5 people in the brownie-eating pool. And then I put them on the coffee table and learned that these brownies are only appealing to drunk people. Perfectly sober people are not tempted by mediocre baked goods when outside of an office environment.

These are better than the Trader Joe’s brownies, but that’s akin to saying that gas station coffee is superior to dirty water. Only 4 brownies were consumed on the first go-round. The next night of basketball saw the consumption of just 3 more brownies. By Saturday evening I realized it was a lost cause and tossed the rest of the brownies. Will I ever find a pre-made brownie as good as anything on Anna’s brownie recipe list?

Filed Under 4 WW Points, Dessert, Duncan Hines, Three Stars | 9 Comments

Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken Flatbread Melt

March 25, 2008 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken Flatbread Melt Price: $2.85 at Wal-Mart
Serving: 6.75 oz.
Calories: 330 per serving
Fat: 11%, 8g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 25%, 630mg
Protein: 22g
Carbohydrates: 14%, 43g
Fiber: 21%, 5g
Sugar: 6g
Weight Watchers Points: 6 Points

Lean Cuisine says: Grilled white meat chicken, sun dried tomatoes, red peppers, cheese and creamy pesto sauce in a soft flatbread

Andrea says: Wow guys, wow . . . I think this sandwich actually broke one of our microwaves with it’s awesomeness. Seriously, a minute into it’s 2:45 journey into my stomach the microwave just gave up and bowed down to the frozen meal gods.

My first reaction after taking this out of the box was “Woah, that’s actually a good bit of stuff here.” As I was watching it turn in it’s second microwave trip (after it killed the first microwave), the cheese started to melt and the pesto-y goodness started to ooze from beneath the massive amount of chicken, peppers, and tomatoes. The break room filled with the aroma of herbs and bell pepper, and my mouth was starting to salivate. The first bite produced an explosion of flavor and texture from the chicken that actually tasted like chicken, to the cheese that actually strung from the sandwich a la a pizza commercial or that Beefy Cheesy Taco Bell commercial that sends chills down my spine. The roasted red peppers were abundant in flavor and quantity, the sun-dried tomatoes were chewy yet provided a slight sweetness and the flat bread was soft, thick, filling and tasty! Unlike most nuked breads that are usually soggy and super dry at the same time, Lean Cuisine’s flat bread maintained it’s chewy structure that we all know and love in our flat breads. I guess if I had to write one negative thing about this meal, it was the amount of red peppers.. but I think that’s just me, if you’re a pepper person you’ll probably love the abundance of peppery love on this sandwich, complete with grill marks might I add.

I will definitely pick another Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken flatbread, for the price it wasn’t bad and (hey!) I’m not hungry anymore! If you need more than a Lean Cuisine, I found it paired well with Doritos and grape Kool-aid.

Filed Under 6 WW Points, Chicken, Five Stars, Frozen Pizza Reviews, Lean Cuisine Reviews | 19 Comments