Lean Pockets: Roasted Turkey & Ham with Cheese

January 11, 2008 | Reviewer: Abi

Lean Pockets Roasted Turkey & Ham with Cheese Price: Provided by PR Company
SRP: $2.46
Serving: 1 pocket, 4.5oz.
Calories: 260
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 8%, 25mg
Sodium: 24%, 580mg
Protein: 12g
Carbs: 13%, 39g
Fiber: 14%, 4g
Sugar: 11g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Hot/Lean Pockets says: Roasted Turkey and Ham with low fat cheese with sauce in a crust.

Abi says: A couple of weeks ago I received an email from Nestle’s public relations people. They were writing to inform me that I’d be receiving multiple boxes of Lean Pockets in approximately 24 hours.

“Awesome,” I thought, knowing that the Hot Pockets category on HeatEatReview.com is sorely lacking reviews of anything but plain cheese pockets. And then I realized that they were sending that box to my old office, the one in Washington, DC.

I am in California. So, I sent an email to the PR folks letting them know about my new address. Visions of pepperoni danced in my head while I waited for the FedEx guy to show up with a box of dry-ice-encased Lean Pockets. Pepperoni Lean Pockets. I love pepperoni.

When the Lean Pockets arrived and were unpacked and sitting on my counter I realized that I had made a dreadful mistake. These were not pepperoni-containing items. They were not even the chicken fajita variety (which you should try, it is awesome), no these were all cheddar and chicken and brocolli combos.

Hmmmm. I put the boxes of pockets in the freezer and stayed away from microwave food for a couple of days, planning my dive into the world of Lean Pockets . . . I would get George to eat half of them.

My entre came the next day when George asked me if we had anything to eat.

“Yeah, I got some Hot Pockets the other day. You can have one of those.”
“Do I have to review them?”
“No, you just have to leave one for me to review.” In my mind my hands were rubbing together the way that evil super-geniuses rub their hands together when they are thinking about the destruction of the world.

George pulled a box out of the freezer and the plan fell apart.

“These aren’t Hot Pockets. These are Lean Pockets.” He said with disgust.
“You like Lean Pockets.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, those chicken fajita ones.” Do they even make those?
“I don’t see any chicken fajita ones here.”

Sigh.

I’d be alone in enduring the Lean Pocket marathon. I decided to start with the most innocuous(-seeming) in the bunch: Turkey, Ham and Cheese. I enjoyed sandwiches that contained turkey, ham and cheese. There should be no reason for me to dislike a pocket sandwich using those same items.

Holy freaking crap is this thing awful. I know that the idea is that you can have a potentially ‘healthy’ or ‘diet’ item and get to eat some hot melty cheese, but the reality of the matter is that this is bad, bad cheese. Low rent cheese. Ghetto cheese. This cheese reminds me of when I was a kid and we’d get food from the government that came in strict black and white packaging.

That sort of cheese. Lovers of Kraft Singles will probably adore this cheese. I found it to be watery, which is disgusting because we want cheese that is melty and gooey, but not actually a liquid. Viscosity is very, very important in melted cheese.

Nestled in that cheese was the meat. The weird, weird, meat. The photo on the box shows lovingly sliced and stacked deli meat. The reality is that the meat comes in ultra-thin, 1/2 inch-wide, 3 inch long strips. Band-Aids of meat, if you will. Really, really flat band-aids. I tried each of the meat-strips separately and have to admit that I could not tell the difference between the turkey and the ham. I’m assuming the ham was the darker meat strip, but I’m not positive on that one.

Encasing the watery cheese and mystery meat was a light, delightfully crisp crust. I really liked the crust. It was pleasantly flaky, plus it has whole grains. I’m sure that I’m supposed to have some understanding of what type of whole grains should be in my diet or how many grams I need a day but really I have no clue.

The amazing thing about this pocket is that the contents did not explode out of the pocket during the cooking process even though I had to cook the item for a considerable length of time due to the puniness of my microwave. This means that if you really want to, you can use the crisping sleeve as a carrying mechanism:

Lean Pocket Holder

If only they made these for burritos. I’ve since warned my coworkers about the Lean Pockets. I wonder if they’ll still be in the office freezer at the end of this month.

comments

16 Responses to “Lean Pockets: Roasted Turkey & Ham with Cheese”

Julie on January 11th, 2008

The chicken and broccoli ones are half ways decent especially if you just moved into a new apt. and have nothing in the fridge but er…chicken and broccoli lean pockets and beer.
Molly on January 11th, 2008

Whew. That sounds terrible. The idea of having lunch meat mixed with hot, nasty cheese in a pocket (and since its a Lean Pockets product, I’m instantly picturing that gelatinous Jenny-o turkey, or Carl buddings .99 cent turkey packets [shudder]) Any meat that is turned into a foam at any point during processing is best fed to the cat. I’m glad that the crust was acceptable. I am a vegetarian so I ignore most of these pockets, however if they make a cheese pizza one, or broccoli and cheese maybe, I’d be willing to give them a shot. Better luck next time.
Shann on January 11th, 2008

I wouldn’t eat these. I don’t like “fake cheese” aka processed cheese in my hot pockets. I have a whole freezer of Pizza ones. I am happy with those. I would try the fajita ones and the chicken and broccoli, too.
sir jorge on January 11th, 2008

That picture scares me.
rob on January 11th, 2008

If the crust is good I’ll eat it, they could put nuclear waste inside and it wouldn’t matter to me.

They all taste pretty much alike anyhow. I like them when I wake up at 2:00am feeling kind of Dagwoody.
Crow on January 11th, 2008

I’ll only eat the Lean Pockets, but I don’t think I’ve ever bought the “Roasted Turkey and Ham with Cheese” product. It sounds weird.
Alex on January 11th, 2008

I’m imagining what the people who decided to send these to you are thinking. I would assume “Holy freaking crap is this thing awful.” is not the type of blurb they were looking for.
Rose on January 11th, 2008

I’ve had my fair share of lean pockets, and hot pockets. I find the meat in hot pockets to be a bit…gummy..not even gummy, more like bouncy…like rubber. the ones I regularly ate in my day of living off frozen products were, Chicken Alfredo (not a favorite..at all), Chicken and Broccoli (okay), three cheese, or five cheese (I can’t really remember how many). and pepperoni. I’ve also had the Chicken Fajita ones, if that’s what I think they are. chicken with cheese and bacon. they’re okay, except for the rubbery chicken part.

all in all, the plain cheese are the best. followed by pepperoni.

oh, and philly cheese steak.
Jessica on January 11th, 2008

Why is there no law that requires the food *in* the box, look like the food *on* the box? I know, I know, food styling involves glue and dry ice, but I’d love it if the picture represented the food — it would make those buying decisions a LOT easier.
Adina on January 12th, 2008

i used to stand with the fridge open and eat those kraft singles one by one until i wanted to puke. good times.

ps i am going to start incorporating the phrase “ghetto cheese ” into my daily life
Janette on January 12th, 2008

I actually like Lean Pockets… odd
Tracy on January 16th, 2008

I don’t understand why this was rated 3 stars, since you hated it?

I like Lean Pockets, but I don’t have any delusions that they are gourmet food.
Red Icculus on January 18th, 2008

Am I the only one that is freaked out by the “microwave apparatus”?
dan on February 27th, 2008

they are more addictive than morphine , i am in the process of tapering off them.
i’m a health nut, but every week i buy them. i really think they put something addictive in them!
Mel on April 4th, 2008

i love the pepperoni lean pockets, but i bought the turkey & broccoli ones the other day just to try. the cheese was bland, the meat really does look like bandaids and WHY ARE THERE CARROTS IN HERE? i hate carrots. but the crust is excellent. i actually just scraped out the inside and ate the crust. mmmm……
Nancy Friedmann on May 4th, 2008

My husband and I really like the Lean Pockets and we buy the big boxes of them. and keep them in the freezer all the time as they are good for lunch and have good cheese and a good amount of meat in them.