Trader Joe's Fresh Crab Cakes

December 31, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi

Trader Joe Price: $3.99
Serving: 1 crab cake, 3oz.
Calories: 220 per serving
Fat: 22%, 15g
Cholesterol: 25%, 75mg
Sodium: 18%, 420mg
Protein: 11g
Carbohydrates: 5%, 14g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 3g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 per cake

Trader Joe says: Nada. They just have a photo of some nice looking crab cakes with a dollop of dill sauce and what looks like lemon and a green salad.

Abi says: I’ve had a lot of trouble writing this review. I know, I probably say that every 5th review, but this time I really mean it. This time, whenever I think about how bad these crab cakes were I throw up a little in my mouth.

Trader Joe’s ‘fresh’ crab cakes go directly against all of the wonderfulness that characterizes TJ’s. Instead of flavorful, interesting food, purchasers of these crab cakes get two three-ounce patties of minced crab meat bound with enough mayo and pureed red bell pepper to confuse the palate. Is it crab, or is it a non-crab pseudo-fish substitute created by evil vegetarians?

These crab cakes aren’t microwaveable (there are no microwaveable crab cakes available at this time. If you see some in the store with microwave directions, do not buy them.), but they are a pre-made, ready-to-cook food and I know that crab cakes cook up super fast with very little work. So little work in fact that it is easy to burn and/or overcook them.

Mine in the photo are overcooked, but overcooking doesn’t account for the gummy interior of each cake. If you’ve ever had good crab cakes, you know that they should essentially be lumps of crab meat barely held together with a binder of egg, bread crumbs, and a bit of herbs and spice. I don’t think the people at Trader Joe’s ever got that memo or perused The Joy of Cooking (Joy is also recommended by Thomas Douglas, author of I Love Crabcakes!, so you can trust me on this one). Instead, these crab cakes are like crab hamburgers. But with lots of mayonnaise. Inside of them. I suppose these would be pretty effective for feeding seafood to babies. Or my grandfather, who I just learned had such bad acid reflux recently that all of his food has to be blended until his esophagus heals. There’d be no blending necessary with these crab cakes.

These crabcakes earn zero stars. ZERO. I’ve also written a letter to Trader Joe’s letting them know how bad these are. My hope is that enough people will complain and Trader Joe’s will make these disastrous seafood items disappear from the shelves, replaced by something more palatable, like quesadillas. Or edible crab cakes.

This review is dedicated to you, all of your poor folks who don’t live within driving distance of a Trader Joe’s. This one time, you get to gloat about your shopping situation.

comments

9 Responses to “Trader Joe's Fresh Crab Cakes”

Marvo on December 31st, 2007

BOOYAH!!! GLOAT! GLOAT! GLOAT!

…but I’d still want to have a TJ’s within driving distance.
Tiff on December 31st, 2007

That’s disappointing as I have wanted to get these (I
Emily on January 1st, 2008

I am not really sure, but I think it says use by 11-03-07 so unless you did this review 2 months ago that might have been part of why they were so bad?! Just a thought!
Jill on January 1st, 2008

Oh yes, Marvo, I second your comment. In fact, I shall add a “BWAHAHAHAHA!”
Abi Jones on January 2nd, 2008

@Marvo - You live in Hawaii, thus I have no pity for you.

@Tiff - Well, at least you don’t have to eat them.

@Emily - I ate them before the expiration date. Like I said, it took me awhile to write the review.

@Jill - You are mean.
Maywither Dragon on January 3rd, 2008

I think I’d like to try them, they actually sound kinda good.
monica on January 13th, 2008

Why shouldn’t you buy crab cakes that say the are microwaveable? I’ve seen nothing on that so far, so I’m curious.
Anonymous on January 16th, 2008

I work at a Trader Joe’s and as soon as a new item comes in, I jump at the chance to try it. Let me just say there is nothing like calling in sick because the new crab cakes gave you bubble guts. The corn and bell pepper look exactly the same on their way out! Gross! Beyond that, taste-wise they are Diiiiiisgusting. We don’t even order them at our particular store anymore. Straight nasty-ness. They should be banned.
Deirdre on March 4th, 2008

These were dry, gross, tasteless, didn’t cook evenly.

I have to agree - A super disappointment.