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Many's the long night I've dreamed of cheese - toasted, mostly. ~Robert Lewis Stevenson

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Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers General Tso's Spicy Chicken

November 3, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 Meal, 10.8oz.
Calories: 430
Fat: 14%, 9g
Cholesterol: 5%, 15mg
Sodium: 25%, 600mg
Protein: 17g
Carbs: 22%, 6g
Fiber: 20%, 5g
Weight Watchers Points: 9 Points

Healthy Choice says: Tempura battered chicken breast with rice & Vegetables in spicy brown sauce

Abi says: What is the opposite of mojo? Ojom? Juju? Nado? Whatever it is, I’ve got just that when it comes to Healthy Choice meals.

I figured that the new Cafe Steamers could break me out of my Healthy Choice slump. The steaming technology would ensure perfectly cooked chunks of chicken, beautifully fluffy rice, and vegetables with a hint of crunch.

Despite the potentially enormous messiness factor involved in heating and assembling a Cafe Steamer, my predictions regarding the rice and vegetables were right on: steaming is the ideal cooking method. I was greeted by a little steam basket of fluffy white rice, ten adorable peas and carrots, and six slightly smaller than a ping pong ball chunks of tempura battered chicken.

Victory was mine! Until the nado kicked in and I learned from one half-eaten bite of tempura after another that there wasn’t any chicken in the chicken. I wonder if the folks at Healthy Choice got sick of me complaining about the low quality of their processed and reformed chicken chunks that they said “Oh, she doesn’t like our chicken? Well then she’ll just have to go without it and see how she likes that!”

Betty Crocker Warm Delights Molten Caramel Cake

November 2, 2007 | Reviewer: Andrew

Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1/2 bowl, 3oz. plus water
Calories: 150 per serving
Fat: 2%, 1.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 30%, 730mg
Protein: 5g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 30g
Fiber: 5%, 1g
Sugar: 20g
Weight Watchers Points: 3 per serving, 6 per bowl

Betty Crocker says: A warm delicious, single-serve dessert that’s ready in minutes straight from your microwave! Now you can treat yourself to a warm indulgent dessert without all the preparation, time and clean-up!

Andrew says: First of all, I must offer my most humble apologies to Ms. Crocker for flubbing her simple instructions on assembling this mini cake. The gist of it is, you dump a packet of chocolate cake mix into the provided bowl with a quarter cup of water and mix well, then pour the soft, gooey caramel icing in pretty patterns on top of the well-mixed batter and heat, uncovered, in a microwave for about a minute and a quarter.

What happened is this: I fumbled with some measuring cups (yeah I know you should use a measuring glass for liquids, that’s beside the point) and found the one-third cup cup, for some reason completely forgetting Betty’s words. I didn’t realize my folly until well after I’d added the ample caramel goo. No matter, I thought, we shall press on for science.

Speaking of caramel, the icing is really very nice: sweet and warm and more than enough to coat the top of your mini cake batter. What happens as it “bakes” in your microwave is that the batter churns up underneath the caramel goo and swirls it throughout the nascent cake. This pleases me.

Once the cake is done, it really is advisable to — as the packaging says — let the cake sit for at least 5 minutes before consuming it. The cake got awfully hot for only spending 1 minute, 19 seconds in my microwave at approximately 780 feet above sea level (science!). Warm caramel and chocolate = good. Scalding hot caramel and chocolate = hospital.

When it was cool enough to eat — but still quite warm — I was heartened at the results, even in spite of my measuring mishap. The cake itself was very, very, very moist. The chocolate is subtle and melds well with the caramel. Even though the cake itself is chocolate, you’ll notice the name of the cake makes no reference to its chocolate nature; the caramel is the star.

In fact, as I worked my way around the rim of the cake bowl and toward the middle, I found a quadrant of the pastry that was about 70 percent caramel goo and 30 percent chocolate goo. This, too, pleases me.

All in all, this is a good way to spend about 10 minutes from start to last moist forkful, particularly if you’ve got a hankerin’ for warm, sweet, choco-caramel goo fusion.

Totino’s and Jeno’s Pizza Recall

November 1, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi Jones

That’s right folks, another recall. This one is for Totino’s and Jeno’s pizzas, produced by General Mills. They believe that source of the problem is contaminated pepperoni. The company has not released the name of the pepperoni distributor, but with all of the freaking out we had about the Banquet Pot Pies, I’m sure that the information will come out eventually.

If you have a Jeno’s or Totino’s Pizza in your freezer Do Not Eat It. I don’t even know why I feel compelled to type that. Y’all aren’t idiots and you can certainly figure out how to go about not eating a pizza.

Jeno’s Pizza Recall List

• 6.8-ounce packages of "JENO’S CRISP `N TASTY PIZZA, Pepperoni."
  SKU Number: 35300-00572
• 7.0-ounce packages of "JENO’S CRISP `N TASTY PIZZA, Combination Sausage and Pepperoni Pizza."
  SKU Number: 35300-00576
• 7.2-ounce packages of "JENO’S CRISP `N TASTY PIZZA, Supreme Sausage and Pepperoni with Green Peppers and Onion Pizza."
  SKU Number: 35300-00561

Totino’s Pizza Recall List

• 10.2-ounce packages of "Totino’s The Original Crisp Crust Party Pizza Pepperoni."
  SKU Number: 42800-11400
  SKU Number: 42800-92114
• 10.2-ounce packages of "Totino’s The Original Crisp Crust Party Pizza, Classic Pepperoni."
  SKU Number: 42800-11402
• 10.2-ounce packages of "Totino’s The Original Crisp Crust Party Pizza, Pepperoni Trio."
  SKU Number: 442800-72157
• 10.7-ounce packages of "Totino’s The Original Crisp Crust Party Pizza, Combination Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza."
  SKU Number: 42800-11600
  SKU Number: 42800-92116
• 10.5-ounce packages of "Totino’s Original Crisp Crust Party Pizza, Three Meat Sausage, Canadian Style Bacon & Pepperoni Pizza."
  SKU Number: 42800-10800
• 10.9-ounce packages of "Totino’s The Original Crisp Crust Party Pizza, Supreme Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza with Green Peppers & Onions."
  SKU Number: 42800-10700

What should you do with your Totino’s or Jeno’s pizza?

First, take it out of the box. You’re going to need that box. Then, without unwrapping the pizza, toss it in the trash. Then, if you want a replacement pizza, clip the bar code from the box and mail it, along with your name and address, to:

Totino’s/Jeno’s
P.O. Box 200 — Pizza
Minneapolis, MN 55440-0200

But really, are you sure that you want a replacement pizza? Maybe you should sleep on it. Free pizza or kidney failure, the choice is yours.*

At this time (1:36pm Pacific on Nov. 2nd), DiGiorno’s pizzas are not being recalled. Sure, 5 million Jeno’s and Totino’s pizzas are being recalled, but your DiGiorno pizzas and Freschetta pizzas are safe. For now. If things change, I’ll update this post.

*I’m just kidding. For all I know, the new pizzas being produced are safe. General Mills is totally blaming the pepperoni supplier and claims that their factory is E. Coli free.

Kitchens of India Black Gram Lentils Curry

November 1, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $2.50
Serving: 1/2 cup, 4oz.
Servings per pouch: 2.5
Calories: 150 per serving
Fat: 9%, 6g
Cholesterol: 2%, 5mg
Sodium: 31%, 740mg
Protein: 6g
Carbs: 6%, 19g
Fiber: 5%, 1g
WW Points: 3 per serving

Kitchens of India says: Dal Burkhara is a signature dish created by the Master Chefs of ITC Hotels, following the ancient Bukhara art of open air cooking. Whole black gram lentils are simmered in thick tomato gravey for hours, bringing out the robust flavours of authentic Indian Cuisine.

Abi says: Dal is a go-to comfort food. It is warm, piquant, colorful, and filling. These sensory pleasures are all bonuses on chilly, gray Fall days like today. Kitchens of India black gram lentils curry (aka dal) succeeds on all fronts, delivering hearty deliciousness in a bright ochre sauce.

A single serving of dal is half of the package, but I say “Be wild, consume it all!” especially if you’re eating the dal for lunch and not in a situation where it is easy to share. Each pouch contains about a cup of dal, which does not seem like a lot until you realize that dal is essentially lentils and lentils are protein rich and you are very, very full.

When eating this meal in the office I just pour the entire pouch into a tupperware-like container and put it in the microwave (covered with a paper towel to avoid splattering). Because the package is shelf-stable (aka not frozen) my food is ready in just a couple of minutes. At home I usually pour the pouch into a saucepan and let it simmer on the stove for a few minutes, pretending that I’ve actually done some cooking.

If you have a few saucepans and you’re already getting hives from the though of cooking an enormous holiday feast, just pick up a few different shelf-stable Indian foods from your local store, some garlic naan (we like Trader Joe’s Garlic Naan) and heat up some simple food hearty enough to combat falling leaves and chilly nights.