Stouffer’s Chicken Parmigiana

October 10, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi Jones

Stouffer’s Chicken Parmigiana Price: $2.00 on sale
Serving: 1 package, 12oz.
Calories: 450 per serving
Fat: 25%, 16g
Cholesterol: 12%, 40mg
Sodium: 31%, 750mg
Protein: 22g
Carbohydrates: 18%, 54g
Fiber: 22%, 5g
Sugar: 10g
Weight Watchers Points: 10 Points

Stouffer’s says: Breaded chicken breast with rib meat topped with marinara sauce & mozzarella cheese with spaghetti

Abi says: I have a brain tumor.

That’s the only way to explain why I keep purchasing Stouffer’s products. This chicken parmesan was visually appealing, consisting of a bed of spaghetti, a breaded chicken breast, marinara sauce and a layer of gooey cheese. With the AC in the office at full blast, I looked forward to this meal as a respite from an unusually cool afternoon.

Then Stouffer’s Chicken Parmigiana revealed its true colors: mushy chicken, spongy noodles, and wimpy sauce (mmm, tomatoes and pink water!). I’m not fazed by bland meals. I’ve endured flavorless sauces and suspect chicken (there is a Healthy Choice section on here, after all). This time was different: I encountered gristle. It wasn’t a one-time throwaway encounter. No, this was four separate bites displaying enough non-meat material that I had to reach for the nearest kleenex over and over again.

I understand that connective tissue is part of the meat-eating experience, but I also expect that by the time a Stouffer’s chicken pattie gets to me it has been killed, butchered, filleted, breaded, fried, and frozen. Tendons shouldn’t be an issue.

Why am I such a wimp about this? Because every bite with gristle not only induces my gag reflex, but conjures up memories of memories of Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Which nightmare to I imagine? Oh, just the one where a man’s veins are pulled from his body and used as marrionette strings.

Yeah, I bet you’re hungry now. I was going to find a video of the scene on YouTube and post it here. But then I realized that I’d actually have to watch all of the Freddy Krueger videos to find that right one and I completely wimped out.

comments

6 Responses to “Stouffer’s Chicken Parmigiana”

Crow on October 10th, 2007

Abi, make sure to photograph your brain tumor. Also, videotape it being microwaved. That would be fascinating. Just don’t eat it.

I’ve always loved the fully bad for you Chicken Parmigiana products.
Sara Wienick on October 10th, 2007

Try the stuffed peppers. Those are delicious.
Abi Jones on October 10th, 2007

@Crow - I do love restaurant chicken parmigiana. There’s something pretty fantastic about having fried chicken and spaghetti.

@Sara - You’re right, I should try the stuffed peppers. Next time they’re on sale I will buy them and then tell George that I made them myself. I think that is the best way to judge frozen meals: trying to pass them off as homemade.
Adina on October 12th, 2007

is it wrong that this post made me a little hungry?
Melissa on December 30th, 2007

i love Stouffers chicken parm!!
Cranky Old Man on February 8th, 2008

How can I trust any review in which the word “gooey” is used in a complimentary manner? “Gooey cheese” is hardly high praise.