Trader Joe’s Chicken Sausage Calzone

July 11, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi Jones

Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage Calzone Price: $2.69
Serving: 1/2 calzone, 5oz.
Calories: 320
Fat: 18%, 12g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 16%, 390mg
Protein: 20g
Carbs: 11%, 34g
Fiber: 8%, 2g

Trader Joe says: A blend of mozzarella and romano cheese, gourmet chicken sausage, fresh mushrooms, slivered red onion and sauce in pre-baked dough

Abi says: While typing out the description of this meal, I accidentally substituted the word ‘bland’ for ‘blend’. This, my friends, is what we frozen food experts call a Freudian Slip.

The mozzarella and romano cheese are inoffensive, but the chicken sausage was manufactured in such a way that you realize why chicken is so versatile: it is virtually flavorless. The mushrooms are out in force and the slivered red onion in non-existent.

The other issue with the ingredients list is the inclusion of “fresh mushrooms.” Give me a break, Trader Joe’s. This is a calzone that has been pre-baked and then frozen so that I can then bake and/or microwave it in my own home. The word fresh cannot in any way convey the status of these mushrooms. This is why words like ‘Lite’ and ‘Low Calorie’ no longer have any meaning in society. Go ahead, Trader Joe’s, bandy about the word fresh until the only thing that it means is ‘these mushrooms were not canned before we put them in this calzone.’

Also, this insipid calzone is supposedly two servings, which means that the entire (large, but weighs the same as a Lean Cuisine) meal comes it at 640 calories and nearly 40% of your fat for the day. Yeah, ew.

I’d rather eat some toast slathered with butter and strawberry jam.

Filed Under Chicken, Trader Joe's Reviews, Two Stars | 9 Comments

South Beach Diet Chicken Alfredo a la Roma

July 9, 2007 | Reviewer: Jenn

South Beach Diet Chicken Alfredo a la Roma Price: $2.50
Serving: 1 packagea, 10.3 oz.
Calories: 260
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 22%, 65mg
Sodium: 35%, 840mg
Protein: 29g
Carbs: 8%, 23g
Fiber: 32%, 8g

South Beach Diet says: Breast strips with rib meat and fettuccine pasta in alfredo sauce and tomatoes, with broccoli, red bell peppers, and yellow carrots

Jenn says: All good things must come to an end. Today, my love affair with South Beach Diet food is coming to an end. To say this was a love affair would be putting it mildly as South Beach has reigned atop my world of frozen entrees since its inception. Seeing South Beach Diet food on sale made for a great trip to the grocery store. The meat was real, the sauces snappy and the vegetables plentiful. However, the Chicken Alfredo a la Roma is none of these.

As you can see from the picture, the chicken in the actual meal is no where near the size of the chicken on package. Lean Cuisine alfredo sauce outshines South Beach Diet alfredo sauce any day. And the vegetables were mushy. While I’ve never actually been on the real South Beach Diet, (my friend Dana did it and got so hungry in a meeting that she started shaking) I supported meals that were full of real meat and ample amounts of vegetables. Chicken Alfredo a la Roma needs to be kicked out of the South Beach Diet family. It’s giving its brothers and sister on the frozen food and snack food aisles a bad name.

Filed Under Chicken, Kraft Reviews, South Beach Meal Reviews, Two Stars | 7 Comments

Trader Joe’s Chicken Enchiladas Verde

July 6, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi

Trader Joe's Chicken Enchiladas Verde Price: $2.79
Serving: 1 enchilada, 6 oz.
Real Serving: 2 enchiladas, 12 oz.
Nutritional information below is for those of you who (like me) eat both enchiladas.
Calories: 480
Fat: 28%, 18g
Cholesterol: 34%, 100mg
Sodium: 40%, 560g
Protein: 38g
Carbohydrates: 14%, 41g
Fiber: 24%, 6g

Trader Joe says: White meat chicken enchiladas in salsa verde

Abi says: If you sat me down in a Mexican restaurant and ordered me to order enchiladas, 9 times out of 10 I would order the darkest, smokiest mole on the menu. I like the Oaxacan stuff, full of mystery and spice, with deep notes of chile, chocolate, cumin and toasted almonds.

I do not prefer enchiladas in salsa verde, the lamest salsa ever. It is green! And looks like slime! And where is the smokiness? Salsa verde is for wimps! Oh, just kidding. Salsa verde is really quite delicious and you should use this recipe from Simply Elise to make some this weekend.

As I was saying, I am not a proponent of salsa verde on enchiladas. And then I found these enchiladas, nay discovered these enchiladas. Like Columbus in the New World, I had plundered the frozen food aisle at Trader Joe’s, spreading smallpox and pretty much awing everyone in Foggy Bottom with my sword.

Before you (if you are on a large enough computer screen, otherwise you’ve probably scrolled down too far to see the picture) is an image of the most incredible frozen enchiladas ever created. This little tray of heaven consists of delicious chunks of white meat chicken, wrapped in thick, soft corn tortillas, and smothered with an unbelievable salsa verde, cheese, and sour cream combination.

When I bring these enchiladas in for lunch, it inspires other people to immediately leave the cube area in search of enchiladas. And then they come back with their $9.00 enchiladas and still look longingly at my little tray of $2.79 enchilada awesomeness.

What’s more, I’ve known how wonderful these enchiladas are for almost a year and I’ve been keeping that knowledge from you. Why? Because I’m worried that the next time I go to Trader Joe’s they’ll be gone. Please, have a heart and leave some for me. Thanks.

P.S. When heating these enchiladas, pull out of the microwave halfway through the cooking time and cut up everything so that it pretty much looks like a casserole. It won’t be pretty, but it will still taste fabulous and it will ensure that everything is heated through. Do not just heat them as they stand in the tray or you will end up with the occasional bit of somewhat-cool chicken or rock-hard corn tortilla.

Filed Under Five Stars, Trader Joe's Reviews | 8 Comments

Fourth of July Madness

July 5, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi Jones

Happy Day after Independence Day, fellow Americans. And non-Americans too (Hello person from Malawi who visited the site yesterday!). We here at HeatEatReview.com HQ are back at work after a Wednesday spent drinking beer, grilling, playing foosball, and drinking more beer. And sangria. And eating watermelon that had been soaking in vodka.

Just because we are frozen food geniuses does not mean that we occasionally lack common sense (I would like to point out that the above-described activities encompass the actions of multiple people, not just me). We’re sporting hangovers (is that one word or two? - one word, says Merriam-Webster. Hangover dates back to 1894!) and there’s a lot of spam cleanup to be done behind the scenes.

After the spam issue is solved you’ll have your review for today. Until then, please amuse yourself with this terrific reminiscence by Rich. He’s the reason why convenience foods were invented and continue to exist.

Filed Under Announcements | 2 Comments