Trader Joe’s Chicken Sausage Calzone

July 11, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi Jones

Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage Calzone Price: $2.69
Serving: 1/2 calzone, 5oz.
Calories: 320
Fat: 18%, 12g
Cholesterol: 13%, 40mg
Sodium: 16%, 390mg
Protein: 20g
Carbs: 11%, 34g
Fiber: 8%, 2g

Trader Joe says: A blend of mozzarella and romano cheese, gourmet chicken sausage, fresh mushrooms, slivered red onion and sauce in pre-baked dough

Abi says: While typing out the description of this meal, I accidentally substituted the word ‘bland’ for ‘blend’. This, my friends, is what we frozen food experts call a Freudian Slip.

The mozzarella and romano cheese are inoffensive, but the chicken sausage was manufactured in such a way that you realize why chicken is so versatile: it is virtually flavorless. The mushrooms are out in force and the slivered red onion in non-existent.

The other issue with the ingredients list is the inclusion of “fresh mushrooms.” Give me a break, Trader Joe’s. This is a calzone that has been pre-baked and then frozen so that I can then bake and/or microwave it in my own home. The word fresh cannot in any way convey the status of these mushrooms. This is why words like ‘Lite’ and ‘Low Calorie’ no longer have any meaning in society. Go ahead, Trader Joe’s, bandy about the word fresh until the only thing that it means is ‘these mushrooms were not canned before we put them in this calzone.’

Also, this insipid calzone is supposedly two servings, which means that the entire (large, but weighs the same as a Lean Cuisine) meal comes it at 640 calories and nearly 40% of your fat for the day. Yeah, ew.

I’d rather eat some toast slathered with butter and strawberry jam.

comments

9 Responses to “Trader Joe’s Chicken Sausage Calzone”

Mike on July 12th, 2007

I always found it to be delicious and flavorful. I thought the chicken sausage had a strong pleasent fennel flavor, and the mushrooms were pretty fresh relatively speaking.
Abi Jones on July 12th, 2007

Mike, please stop liking this meal. Maybe if we all stop buying it then they’ll come up with a line of easy-to-microwave frozen dips a la their spinach and cheese dip.

Please Mike, take one for the team.
Molly on July 12th, 2007

ahem.

Hahahahaha.
Crow on July 12th, 2007

The calzone on the box is much redder, and the crust is much lighter. Although if I could see a fuller cross-section of the calzone sample, it might be red.
Ace on July 12th, 2007

After reading Mike’s comments, I realized that I have no idea what fennel tastes like. I’m more confused than ever, but I think I’ll trust Abi on this one.
Abi Jones on July 12th, 2007

Fennel tastes sort of like black licorice. It is like cilantro: a love it or hate it thing.

Strangely, I don’t like fennel or anise (also licoricey), but I like Pho, which is made with star anise.
Mike on July 13th, 2007

Abi, it dissapeared for something like four years. The calzone got me off of hot pockets. I can’t not buy it…I’ve been buying it more than usual in hopes they’ll bring back the artichoke and sundried tomato one they used to have.
Crow on July 13th, 2007

If you go out looking for fennel, alot of dumb grocery people label it “anise.” Fennel is not anise. So you need to be able to recognize them by sight.
Mike on July 16th, 2007

I had it again this weekend, still quite delicious. I may have to do a counter review for my up and coming website http://www.makehotdevourgiveopinion.com.