Heat Eat Review

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After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relatives. ~Oscar Wilde

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Smart Ones Swedish Meatballs

March 19, 2007 | Reviewer: Adina

Price: $2.00
Serving: 1 meal, 9.12 oz.
Calories: 270
Fat: 8%, 5g
Cholesterol: 10%, 30mg
Sodium: 30%, 730mg
Protein: 20g
Carbs: 12%, 35g
Fiber: 10%, 3g
WW Points: 5 Points

Smart Ones says: It’s comfort at its very best; flavorful meatballs tossed with waves of pasta and drenched in a rich sour cream sauce. So delicious, so satisfying, and another little way you can be good today.

Adina says: No matter how many times I eat this meal, I can never get it to cook all the way through on the first try. I always end up sticking it back in the microwave for at least another minute. And then the plastic starts to melt a little bit into the food, which is fine with me as long as it adds some kick to the otherwise bland sauce.

Which brings me to the sauce. I love how they describe it as a ‘rich sour cream sauce’. I don’t know what kind of sour cream sauce their grandma used to feed them, but the ones I have encountered usually make my arteries clog on sight. I mean that in a positive way. Smart Ones’ sauce is a watery excuse for gravy. Don’t get me wrong, I still make sure I get every drop of it into my belly, it’s just not that good.

I think the reason why I dislike most Smart Ones meals that feature meat is because I don’t like to chew on rubber. No matter how many microwave meals I eat, I will never get used to putting a meatball in my mouth and wondering, “Did I just accidentally eat a bouncy ball?” That is not natural or a comfortable office experience.

I think the saving grace of this meal is the noodles. They are not typical wide noodles but truly little waves of happiness and joy. They are thick and make the sauce almost taste like sauce. Maybe the starch thickens it or maybe they are magic noodles, I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t mind eating this meal so long as those thick ribbons of pasta are entering my body.

Overall, I like the Lean Cuisine Swedish Meatballs over the Smart Ones’. The Lean Cuisine noodles aren’t as thick, but you get six meatballs instead of five and I don’t think they can double as bouncy balls.

Betty Crocker Warm Delights Cinnamon Swirl Cake

March 16, 2007 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $1.50 (sale)
Serving: 1 bowl, 3.3 oz. plus water
Calories: 400
Fat: 18%, 12g
Sodium: 18%, 420mg
Protein: 4g
Carbohydrates: 23%, 70g
Fiber: 6%, 1g

Betty says: Simply add water, stir, microwave and in minutes you’ll be enjoying a warm, delicious bowl of Molten Chocolate Cake. With Betty Crocker Warm Delights, you are just three minutes from heaven!

Abi says: Cinnamon is the taste of autumn as it transitions into winter. It is the warming tingle in a cookie and the necessary addition to steamy cup of spiced apple cider. Sadly, cinnamon is not enough to save this cake from the depths of my disappointment. At first I wasn’t sure why this cake made me so sad. It contained plenty of cinnamon, was easy to make, and did not burn my mouth. While I couldn’t say that it was a four star item, at least it was a solid three stars.

Then it hit me. From a health standpoint, this cake is a nightmare: 400 calories for less than four ounces of food? 12 grams of fat in the miniature (and I mean miniature) cake? Ugh. The frosing is a horrible mess of sickly stickiness and does nothing to rescue this dessert from the chasm of ‘yuck’.

The only reason I can see to purchase this is if you live and/or work more than 50 miles from a bakery or Starbucks and your house does not contain an oven.

So, if you live in a tent in Caribou, Maine (The most northeastern city in the US!), Sweetgrass, Montana (Duty Free Shopping), or Elko, Nevada. Oh wait, there is a Starbucks in Elko, Nevada. It is inside the Red Lion Inn and Casino on Idaho Street.

And that Starbucks reduced-fat coffee cake that I so enjoy? Here’s the competing nutritional info. Starbucks wins on every point, even price.

Starbucks Reduced-Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake

Price: $1.75 (every day)
Serving: 1 cake, 3.7 oz.
Calories: 330
Fat: 10g
Sodium: 390mg
Protein: 4g
Carbohydrates: 62g
Fiber: 1g

The Starbucks coffee cake is bigger, has fewer calories, less fat, and less sodium. It is also moist and fluffy AND has a cinnamon swirl and a crunchy streusely topping. Now, this is what I called a Cinnamon Swirl Cake.

Photo by Scuzzi at flickr.

Lean Cuisine Brick Oven Style Gourmet Mushroom Pizza

March 14, 2007 | Reviewer: Jenn

Price: $2.00
Serving: 1 pizza, 6 oz.
Calories: 280
Fat: 11%, 7g
Cholesterol: 4%, 5mg
Sodium: 27%, 660mg
Protein: 15g
Carbs: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 8%, 2g
WW Points: 6 Points

Lean Cuisine says: Button, portabello, and cremini mushrooms in a creamy mushroom sauce topped with mozzaella cheese sprinkled with parsley

Jenn says:Does the world of frozen food have the equivalent of the Grammy’s or the Oscars? If so, Lean Cuisine’s new Brick Oven Style pizzas may be in the running for an award in the “Most Crispy Microwaveable Crust” category. In my humble opinion, there aren’t a lot of competitors out there. Microwaving just doesn’t usually equal crispiness, but the Brick Oven Style makes a valiant attempt.

As for the cheese and toppings, they don’t quite equal the crust. The cheese and sauce are par for the frozen pizza world. The idea of using button, portabello, and cremini mushrooms on a frozen pizza was what initially sparked my interest as I stood in the frozen food aisle last weekend. Indeed, this pizza is packed with mushrooms. Button and portabello abound. But where have all the cremini gone? This should be a serious question for consideration for my friends in Solon, OH at Lean Cuisine HQ.

I would readily venture back into the world of Lean Cuisine’s Brick Oven Style pizza. Word on the street is that Lean Cuisine’s parent company, Stouffer’s has also come out with a similar flatbread pizza. We can only hope that this higher-calorie counterpart will crisp as well as its’ low-cal cousin.

Lean Cuisine Glazed Turkey Tenderloins

March 12, 2007 | Reviewer: Jess

Price: $2.00
Serving: 1 meal, 9 oz.
Calories: 260
Fat: 8%, 5g
Cholesterol: 7%, 25mg
Sodium: 28%, 670mg
Protein: 13g
Carbohydrates: 13%, 41g
Fiber: 17%, 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

as a whole
for the sweet potatoes

Lean Cuisine says: A sophisticated blend of roasted turkey medallions glazed with a rich brown sauce accented with dried cranberries. Served over a savory bread dressing and accompanied by creamy, whipped sweet potatoes.

Jess says: So the other day I was at Capitol Lounge with a few friends discussing the merits of sweet potatoes. If you don’t live in DC, then you probably don’t know that Cap Lounge is just down the street from the Capitol and is where all the politinis go to undo their bowties and divulge confidential information in exchange for affection decompress. I, on the other hand, go there for the Fuji Apple and Fontina sandwich with a side of sweet potato fries. If you’re appalled that such a combination exists you’re probably not alone. But, I’m not kidding you, this combination is winning! But my skeptical friend was not about the sweet potato fries (nor my “dirty hippie sandwich”). He was all like “ew. Weird”. To be frank, my friend is a dipshit. Sweet potatoes are awesome and under-utilized. In fact they are like William Hurt in that you don’t know if it’ll work, but then suddenly you realize it was obvious and you should have seen that he’d be perfect for that role all along.

These anecdotes are a long way of saying that this meal is all about the sweet potatoes, thus it is awesome. If you, like my friend, are a dipshit and don’t like sweet potatoes then steer clear. The stuffing is interesting and the cranberries are a nice touch, but there is not much of either to go around. The turkey is edible but gamey. This means you’ll chew it for a while and then swallow because you’re bored with chewing, not so much because chewing has done much good. But there is a whopping portion of creamy delicious sweet potatoes which makes everything okay. As a whole, this meal is a little personal thanksgiving feast, which is a nice addition to an average work day generally lacking in both thanking and giving. I’m definitely going to buy this again!