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Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.~Doug Larson

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Betty Crocker Bowl Appetit Cheddar Broccoli Pasta

December 14, 2006 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $1.29
Serving: 1 bowl, 2.8 oz. plus water
Calories: 330
Fat: 15%, 11g
Sodium: 42%, 1000mg
Protein: 11g
Carbs: 16%, 49g
Fiber: 10%, 2g

Betty says: Ribbon pasta in a rich Cheddar cheese sauce tossed with broccoli

Abi says: I have to admit that I was originally drawn in by the lovely broccoli images on the package. I imagined nestling into the couch with a steamy bowl of cheddary pasta studded with still-crisp bits of broccoli. Then, I realized that this was a shelf-stable item and I needed a reality check.

Earth to Abi. Come in Abi, come in.

Holy crap, I just ate 42% of my sodium for the day. Sodium aside, Betty Crocker’s Bowl Appetit Cheddar Broccoli Pasta isn’t so bad if you

a) like dehydrated cheese
b) like dehydrated broccoli

While I greatly enjoy dehydrated cheese (or cheese in any form), I cannot claim the same love for dehydrated broccoli. To make matters worse, it isn’t even listed as ‘dehydrated’ on the package. It is ‘dried broccoli’. Nothing says appetizing like some dried vegetables. Why is it that we’re so willing to eat dried fruits, but we don’t go near dried vegetables? I think the reason could be that when you reheat dried broccoli in the microwave, it spreads an otherwordly* odor throughout the office.

*Zombie breath

Swanson Macaroni and Cheese

December 14, 2006 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $0.89
Serving: 1 package, 6 oz.
Calories: 220
Fat: 12%, 8g
Sodium: 13%, 300mg
Protein: 9g
Carbs: 10%, 29g
Fiber: 2%, 1g

Swanson says: Swanson, the brand you trust for great tasting, snack sized, pot pies and complete meals. Prepared with the highest quality ingredients, Swanson’s Macaroni and Cheese requires no mixing and no mess! Just cook and serve for great taste made easy.

Abi says: Supposedly (according to the blurb above) there is no mixing necessary for this meal! However, the instructions for microwaving Swanson Macaroni and Cheese read otherwise:

1. Place dish on microwave-safe plate
2. Microwave on HIGH 2 minutes
3. Separate with fork; stir thoroughly
4. Microwave on HIGH 1 to 1 1/2 minutes
5. Stir before serving

I don’t know about you, but I think of mixing and stirring as being pretty freaking similar. The other lie on the package? “Great Taste Made Easy”. If ‘great taste’ means ‘the sort of food given to people in nursing homes because they’re about to die anyways’, then yes, Swanson’s Macaroni and Cheese is bursting with great taste.

Amy’s Macaroni and Soy Cheeze

December 14, 2006 | Reviewer: Heather

Price: $2.99
Serving: 1 entree, 255g
Calories: 370
Fat: 23%, 15g
Sodium: 21%, 500mg
Protein: 16g
Carbs: 28%, 85g
Fiber: 16%, 4g

(Veggie but not Vegan)

Amy’s Kitchen says:For those who don’t eat cheese, organic elbow macaroni in a smooth sauce made with soy cheese. Lactose free/no cholesterol.

Heather says:Hmm, what to say about this item? First, let me say that I love macaroni and cheese. But this product is not macaroni and cheese, dear readers. No, for it is made with cheeeezzze. Note the “z.” Ridiculous. What is it with soy and vegan items that cause manufacturers to start throwing around weird apostrophes and silly lettering: ch’kn, cheeze, chreese. I mean, really. We’re adults. Stop trying to fool me into thinking your soy product is something it’s not. Silly spelling makes me think of children’s toys (Bratz, for example) and the language of too-cool-for-the-letter-’s’ teenagers. It does not, however, make me think of socially responsible eating and healthy food.

About the product: For all intents and purposes, it tastes pretty much like standard form frozen mac and cheese, but with an aftertaste that might best be described as-um-soy. Honestly, I wouldn’t buy it again. But if you’re lactose intolerant and are dying for some mediocre frozen macaroni product, you might enjoy it.

Michelina’s Zap ‘ems Macaroni and Beef

December 13, 2006 | Reviewer: Josh

Price: $1.00
Serving: 1 package, 8 oz.
Calories: 320
Fat: 15%, 10g
Sodium: 28%, 680mg
Protein: 11g
Carbs: 13%, 38g
Fiber: 12%, 3g

Michelina’s says: Get all the fun of baked macaroni and all the hearty flavor of beef rolled into one amazing meal. Then cover it in tomato sauce, add green peppers, jalepenos, and all your favorite chili spices and — viola! You’ve got a healthy lunch or dinner that’ll get you going — and keep you coming back for more.

Josh says: Don’t buy this product unless you are feeding 30 absolutely starving young children and you only have $30. (I’d even consider getting those overcooked Taquito-things from 7-11 first). In every other situation, avoid this bland, wretched macaroni beef combo.