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Hunger is the best seasoning

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Kid Cuisine Dip and Dunk Cheese Pizza Strips

September 8, 2006 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $1.86 (on sale)
Serving: 1 meal, 8.8 oz.
Calories: 510
Fat: 22%, 14g
Sodium: 42%, 980mg
Protein: 38%, 19g

Kid Cuisine says: Dip and Dunk these cheesy pizza strips in tasty pizza sauce! Our dippin’ strips give cheese pizza a fun-tastic makeover.

Abi says: I was so thoroughly disgusted by this meal that I’m not sure where I should begin in grossing out readers. Wait, I take back the ‘thoroughly’. Once again, Kid Cuisine delivered excellent corn. Corn must be the most awesome microwavable vegetable ever. Nicole occassionally pines over corn. I understand this as it is a pretty terrific food item, but let’s go back to the disturbing nature of this meal.

Why the heck did I choose to eat a Kid Cuisine Pizza Strips meal? A long time ago they went on sale and every few weeks I have to choke one down to make more room in the freezer. I am studiously avoiding the Deep Sea Fish Sticks and the Fiesta Beef Taco Dippers. I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought them. Ok, I know what I was thinking ‘I finally have the chance to eat a meal that I’ve wanted since I was 10 years old!’. Apparently my mom is infinitely wise in not allowing these meals inside of the house.

While I could go on to regale you with the repugnance of this meal, I will simply implore you take a good long look at the photo to the right. That is a tissue full of pizza strip mush. Why would I be showing this to you? Well, I feel that images are sometimes the best warnings. The first photo in this review is far too innocent.

I had to spit that out because I could no longer stand the taste of “fun-tastic” pizza. The consumption of non-candy “fun-tastic” foods is just asking for trouble.

Check out other Kid Cuisine meals I’ve subjected myself to so that you won’t have to spit food into a Kleenex:

All Star Chicken Breast Nuggets
Carnival Corn Dog

Lightlife Smart Pretzel Dog

September 6, 2006 | Reviewer: Heather

Price: $2.29
Serving: 1 Pretzel Dog (142 g)
Calories: 350
Fat: 12%, 8g
Sodium: 30%, 730mg
Protein: 20g
Carbs: 17%, 50g
Fiber: 16%, 17g

Light Life says:Veggie dog wrapped in pretzel dough.

Heather says: Let me first admit that my contributions to this site have made me perhaps a little bit more of a spendthrift in my grocery shopping forays than I once was. In the name of each assignment, I somehow feel emboldened in my choices of food product. This isn’t confined to my participation here. I normally like to try new things, and that extends to my food choices. I’m an anthropologist, after all, so I suppose it’s only natural.

So it was that I found myself at Whole Foods last night pondering this product. Someone would actually make this and eat it? And, I imagine, if it is here on this market shelf, somebody must be buying it. So then, why not me?

My first thought about reading this product’s rather lackluster description was that it needed more adjectives, and perhaps more creative marketing. After having tasted it, however, I found that the description is spot-on, and that there simply aren’t any complimentary adjectives that could be used to more accurately describe it. As you can see, this product looks just like a hot dog. It tastes like not much of anything at all. If I were forced to describe it, however, I would say that it most definitely does taste like a veggie hotdog wrapped in a pretzel.

So, yes, the next time I’m craving a hot dog wrapped in a pretzel, I imagine this would suffice. However, the only circumstances under which I can imagine that happening ever again would be if I was starving to death and every single other edible thing had suddenly vanished from the face of the earth (bugs and dirt included).

In short, thumbs way down.

Lean Cuisine Roasted Turkey Breast

September 4, 2006 | Reviewer: Carolyn

Price: $3.29
Serving: 1 tray, 12 oz.
Calories: 280
Fat: 9%, 6g
Sodium: 37%, 890mg
Protein: 17g
Carbs: 13%, 39g
Fiber: 16%, 4g
WW Points: 6 Points
Diet Exchanges: 1 1/2 Lean Meat, 2 starch, 1 other carbohydrate, 1/2 Fat

Lean Cuisine says: Tender slices of roasted turkey tenderloins in a traditional gravy with stuffing, whipped potatoes and green beans accented with cranberries

Carolyn says: This meal seemed like it was trying to go for that Thanksgiving feel, and I was not sure what to expect because Thanksgiving doesn’t come in a cardboard container. The other problem is that I don’t really like green beans, but I decided to give it a whirl. To my suprise, the green beans ended up being my favorite part! The cranberries mixed in with (accenting) the beans disguised the taste of those vegetables just enough for me to really enjoy the sweet and salty combo. The turkey was moist yet flavorless and the potatoes were nothing exciting. Overall I vote for bypassing this meal, unless you have tried everything else and want something new.

Kashi Lime Cilantro Shrimp

September 1, 2006 | Reviewer: Nicole

We at HeatEatReview.com HQ are generally scared to eat meals from the sea. While many land animals (and cheeses) have been sacrificed for our tummies (and yours), animals of the oceanic variety rarely undergo the microwaving process. Fortunately, we have Nicole: certified seafood tester.*

Price: $3.00, free from Kashi
Serving: 1 package, 10 oz.
Calories: 250
Fat: 12%, 8g
Cholesterol: 23%, 70mg
Sodium: 29%, 690mg
Protein: 12g
Carbs: 11%, 33g
Fiber: 24%, 6g
Diabetic Exchange: 2 carbohydrates, 2 lean meats
Weight Watchers Points: 5 Points

Kashi says: Shrimp with roasted green peppers and red onion, red bell peppers and carrots, served over our Kashi® 7 Whole Grains Pilaf, and topped with lime ginger cilantro sauce.

Nicole says: I was actually recruited to take on this meal. Most normal people fear the idea of microwaving frozen shrimp. Since I have some experience in this realm, I did not shy away from the challenge.

The first striking thing about the cooked Lime Cilantro Shrimp is the amount of sauce on top of the uncooked meal. There is far more than necessary to moisten your 7 grain base, which I’m still really digging- the grain mix is so much more interesting and filling than noodles or rice. The sauce also looks a bit like the product of reverse peristalsis, but this is health food - it has no added dyes. The flavor of the sauce overall is pleasant, very light. Only a hint of limeyness and a kick of cilantro.

I enjoyed the healthy representation of vegetables, including many medium-sized slices of onion, carrot, and pepper that add color. The onion and carrot cook up appropriately soft and crunchy, respectively, but the pepper is a bit mushy for my liking.

The star of the meal is the shrimp: Kashi’s Lime Cilantro Shrimp contains six small-medium sized shrimp (1.5 to 2 inches when uncurled.) They have a lovely steamed color of soft salmon. The texture is a bit chewy, but firm is good - I’d go B- on texture. Taste: okay… is this disappointing? Not really. They do taste like shrimp, though it’s not as flavorful as one is accustomed to. That’s what you get for microwaving them.

All in all, this meal is reasonably good and very nutritious, but I wouldn’t seek it out regularly. Maybe if you need a change from days of eating chicken in sauce dishes you’ll give this one a try. I do applaud Kashi’s effort at creating a cheap and easy shrimp dinner.

My suggestion: Run with the Lime Cilantro idea but make a more flavorful sauce that is a bit lime-ier, not so thick and not so copious. Add the same veggies but make the peppers cook crisper like I know you can. And substitute the shrimp for some of that lovely chicken that goes in the Southwestern Style Chicken. Then this would be a meal to covet.

And if you really want to keep a shrimp meal? How about Coconut Shrimp? That could rock on top of all those grains, with a nice light coconutty sauce. Yum.

*We’re totally kidding about that certification thing. She’s actually seafood-testing on an emergency permit.