Lean Cuisine Chicken Portabello

June 6, 2006 | Reviewer: Jess

Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Serving: 1 package, 12 oz.
Calories: 380
Fat: 10%, 7g
Sodium: 35%, 850mg
Protein: 25g
WW Points: 8 Winning Points
Diet Exchanges: 2 Lean Meat, 2 Starch, 1 other carbohydrate, 1 Vegetable, 1/2 Fruit

Lean Cuisine says: Chicken tenderloins in a portabello mushroom sauce,a rice and vegetable medley with a chocolate cherry dessert.

Jess says: European women don’t get fat. There are about 30,001 self-help books on Amazon.com that will tell you this, some with clever titles like “French Women Don’t Get Fat.” You should not buy these books, even though I just made it incredibly easy by linking you directly to one. I will give you answers now. Instant gratification! No shipping charge! One reason why they don’t get fat is because they don’t eat processed foods. They eat fresh food from outdoor markets that is kept cool, as it is shaded from the sun by their berets. Oh man, I feel kind of guilty. That stereotype is old, stupid, and wrong. I really do like and respect you, France! But I’m keeping it in because French people will not go to this site - (see 6 sentences ago). But another reason they don’t get fat is because they eat their biggest meal at lunch and then they have the whole day of moving and shaking to digest and burn those calories. It’s so brilliant and yet so obvious!

Well, this meal made me want to be French or at least eat like un qui parle franÃ§ais. You see it was a dinner meal. Not lunch. So technically this should be the biggest meal I eat all day. And while, this surely is a sacrifice, it is something that I would be honored to do for you, Chicken Portabello (or Portabello Chicken as I call you fondly). We are talking tender chicken, bathed by hearty chunks of portabello mushrooms (surely the aristrocracy of mushroom society) in a flavorful sauce bearing an additional mushroomy essence. And then nutty pilaf, loaded with more bounty of the earth (vegetables), that goes so well with the mushroom flavored sauce once they meet along the food bowl border. And, I’m full and satisfied on a “healthy” meal that costs $2.50! But wait! What is that aroma, like warm cherry pie in grandma’s brick oven made of bricks laid by grandpa’s own calloused hands? Why its dessert! Okay, so the cherry goopy desert smells a gallon load better than it tastes. Its essentially cheap pie filling with some chocolate. But its something sweet to wrap up this dinner, or lunch if you’re feeling frenchy.

If you like microwave food, chicken, mushrooms, rice pilaf, and the smell of fake cherries, go out and get this meal!

comments

6 Responses to “Lean Cuisine Chicken Portabello”

tg on June 6th, 2006

i must, simply MUST, take issue with your characterization of the portabello mushroom. fleshy, overbearing, hippopotamean, and utterly tasteless on its own (a parasitic sponge indiscriminately sucking up the flavors around it while contributing nothing of its own), it is, in my opinion (and in keeping with your Frenchy theme), a fungal poseur.
the true mushroom aristocrat is the shiitake: prized in the Orient for at least 2,000 years (or so sez google) and nutritionally dense, with amino acids said to fight cancer, liver disease, and even HIV. shiitake wins!
Marvo on June 6th, 2006

I’d have to agree with tg, shiitake kicks some serious butt. Also I like mushroom names that allow me to swear.
Abi on June 7th, 2006

I now feel the need to chime in and note that mushrooms are gross. It doesn’t matter if they’re shiitake, portabello, button, blah, blah, blah. They’re a disgusting fungus that shouldn’t be allowed near good food. End of Rant.
Jess on June 7th, 2006

Dear The World,
Let me just say that I believe that we can all live in peace as neighbors, even if, in my land we give tax breaks to keep the Portabello on top, while in your land the Shitake is revered for its nutritional superiority. There is room for all of us, even Abi, who just can’t get down with the shrooms.
For many years I’ve been somewhat estranged with East Asain cuisine (see previous postings), but I’m getting back in the game. Maybe someday I will promote the Shitake. Does it taste good on a bun with melted mozzarella?
tanya on June 11th, 2006

I heart shiitake!
Sara on March 1st, 2007

I would eat this dish if it had less calories, im wondering how much the dessert adds to it, does anyone have a clue?