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A good, simple, homemade cookie is preferable to all the store-bought cookies one can find. ~James Beard

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Hot Pockets Four Cheese Pizza

April 21, 2006 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: 1 box for $2.50 (sale)
Serving: 1 pocket, 4.5 oz.
Calories: 380
Fat: 30%, 21g
Sodium: 33%, 800mg
Carbohydrates: 44g
Protein: 12g

Hot Pockets says: Provolone, mozzarella, cheddar and Romano cheeses with a zesty pizza sauce wrapped in a crispy crust

Abi says: There are two boxes of Hot Pockets in the fridge at work. They both belong to me. I should know better than to buy them, but they go on sale at Safeway or Giant and I’m trolling the frozen food aisle looking for something cheap when I’m hit by the per pocket price of $1.25.

So I buy a box of two Hot Pockets. This time is was Four Cheese Pizza, with the lure of a ‘Crispy Cheesy Crust!’. Alas, this crusty is neither crispy nor cheesy. The crisping sleeve did not perform. Also, the pocket is decidedly flat, as it would be very, very unhealthy to actually provide as much cheese as is shown on the box.

I give the Four Cheese Pizza Hot Pockets a thumbs down. Though, as a phenomenologist, I am intrigued by other pocket meals and in the future I will probably write about disappointing experiences with Lean Pockets, Hot Pockets Fruit Pastries, Hot Pockets Pot Pie Express, Hot Pockets Subs, Croissant Pockets and Belgian Chef. Belgian Chef is the french toast variety. Yeah, Belgian Chef makes French Toast. I don’t get it either.

Finally, I would like to note that there is a brand called Hot Pockets Pizza Mini’s. With an apostrophe. I have included an image of the logo. Yes, possessive Mini’s. Oh, America. Oh, punctuation.

Marie Callender’s Honey Roasted Chicken Pot Pie

April 21, 2006 | Reviewer: Abi

Price: $2.50 on sale
Serving: 1/2 pie, 8oz.
Servings Per Box: 2
Calories: 530 per serving
Fat: 46%, 30g
Cholesterol: 8%, 25mg
Sodium: 37%, 880mg
Protein: 16g
Carbohydrates: 16%, 47g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 4g
Weight Watchers Points: 13 per serving
26 Weight Watchers Points Per Pie

Marie Callender says: Made with All White Meat and Real Honey

Abi says: What the heck is in this that makes it so bad for you? I threw away the box, otherwise I would be able to answer that question.

Please note that the calories and fat above are for one serving. one serving is half of the pot pie. Who eats half a pot pie? Not any American I know. Maybe other cultures are better at denying themselves and only eat half a pot pie. Probably Canadians. They’re sensible.

Marie Callender’s Honey Roasted Chicken Pot Pie is very hot when it comes out of the microwave. Unnaturally hot. So hot that you will probably burn your tongue on the scalding fatty gluey honey-gravy and not be able to tell a pea from a chunk of chicken. Except that they have slightly different textures.

If you’re trying to be health conscious, your fat limit for the day is somewhere near 66 grams. That’s if you stretched your fat limit to the max on a 2000 calories/day diet. If you eat a whole pot pie, then you’ve just consumed 58 grams of fat. That’s 88% of your fat for the day. I’m happy to say that I actually at this pot pie several months ago (Fall 2005) and I haven’t had another one since then.

links for 2006-04-21

April 21, 2006 | Reviewer: Abi Jones

• Taste: Cubicle conundrum
  Here are the rules: Don’t microwave fish. I know, that’s just one rule. Seriously, don’t do it.
  (tags: food frozenmeals frozenfood tvdinner cubicle work commentary)
• Taste: Frozen lasagnas get a chilly reception
  The staff of the St. Petersburg Times bite the bullet and eat some lasagna. Woe is them.
  (tags: frozenmeals frozenfood tvdinner lasagna food tastetest)
• Tom Cruise: I’m gonna eat the placenta
  Sure, Tom was joking. I am not joking when I say that there we will never, ever feature placenta on HeatEatReview.com.
  (tags: TVDinner TomCruise Placenta)
• Click-and-Snack
  DCSnacks makes me long for the days of Kozmo.com. Remember when you could get a Pint of Ben and Jerry’s delivered for free? Apprently, Lean Cuisine is available.
  (tags: frozenfood dc delivery food frozenmeals snacks tvdinner)

Safeway Mediterranean Mini Bistro Pizzas

April 20, 2006 | Reviewer: Guest Reviewers

Price: $1.50
Serving: 3 mini pizzas, 4 oz.
Calories: 280
Fat: 16%, 24g
Sodium: 29%, 700mg

Safeway says: A rich pesto pizza topped with a traditional Mediterranean blend of mozzarella and feta cheeses, tomatoes and red onions.

Veda says: What can I say about the Bistro Minis? This was my first time trying them and they are as they delicious as they look. Although they are not microwave friendly, I followed the toaster oven directions and these mini-pizzas came out perfectly. The pesto sauce is yummy and the tomatoes were juicy and scrumptious under the melted mozzarella and feta. Perfect for lunch, snacks or for finger foods at a party. I paired them with stuffed grape leaves for my lunch and was more than satisfied. Plus, I got them on sale for $1.50 at Safeway. Can’t beat that!

One word of caution - The pesto has the perfect amount of garlic and onion to tempt your taste buds and the aroma while they cook may also tempt your co-workers. BUT afterwards, be kind and pop a mint.