Price: 50¢ (sale at Dollar Tree)
Serving: 1 package, 8oz.
Calories: 260 per serving
Fat: 15%, 10g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 45%, 1000mg
Protein: 8g
Carbohydrates: 11%, 34g
Fiber: 12%, 3g
Sugar: 9g
Weight Watchers: 5 POINTS

Ronzoni Bistro says: A delicious combination of rotini in a savory vine ripened tomato sauce with onions, garlic, and basil.

Chang says: As far as I know, few of my acquaintances shop at Dollar Tree. I was there only because I was ordered to get 12 silver (looking) platters in an hour for an event, otherwise I never would have known this meal exists.

I always think buying non-candy food at a dollar store is bad enough, now imagine getting a shelf-stable pasta at a dollar store on sale for 50 cents. You can’t expect to much when it doesn’t even cost a dollar. I bought it because I was intrigued to see how bad it could be, not because I was craving pasta.

Heating up the bagged meal wasn’t a problem, in fact I’m glad I technically didn’t have to find a container for it since I can just microwave it in the bag and eat it out of the bag. As soon as I peeked into the steaming bag, I thought I accidentally bought whole wheat pasta. The color is definitely whole wheat color (see picture), but I scanned the bag again, and couldn’t find “whole wheat” mentioned anywhere.

I shrugged this off and took a bite of the worst pasta I’ve ever consumed. The texture was that of Spaghetti-os left sitting in a can for too long. I don’t expect Olive Garden level al dente from pre-cooked pasta, but it shouldn’t be so soggy that I can barely fork it up. That was not even the worst part of this experience! Even in very cheap and/or very bad pasta (like Banquet spaghetti or canned pasta) you should at least be able to taste the tomato and garlic, right? You know something is very wrong when you can taste zero out of the four items that are supposed to be in the sauce, no basil, no garlic, no onion, not even remotely tomato. Instead, all I could taste was a strange bitter metallic presence. I’m not sure where it came from because I was using a plastic fork.

I threw out the Ronzoni pasta after three bites, I won’t use the line “I got what I paid for” since I didn’t intend to make a meal of it. At least there’s one thing I can be smug about.

I have a lot of conversations with marketing companies and food manufacturers that go something like this.

Them: “What could we do to get you to like our product?”

Me: “Make it taste good.”

While at BlogHerFood I had the chance to speak with a couple folks at Healthy Choice (a food scientist (you were nice but I don’t remember your name!) and Gena Mazzeo) and they asked about how I like to be contacted about products (tell me about new ones, please don’t send me stuff) and about the changes they are making to their foods.

Editrixing Heat Eat Review means that I get to have these conversations, but what’s really important is what you think. I can’t read all of your minds and sometimes your comments are more silly than serious (though, the replies on this frozen chocolate souffle review are quite telling), so I’m putting these questions to you:

Answer in comments:

• What do you like about Healthy Choice foods?
• What can Healthy Choice do to improve their foods?

Price: $1.66 (On Sale)
Serving: 1 piece, 4.5 oz.
Calories: 250 per serving
Fat: 10%, 7g
Cholesterol: 6%, 20mg
Sodium: 17%, 410mg
Protein: 10g
Carbohydrates: 13%, 40g
Fiber: 15%, 4g
Sugar: 10g
Weight Watchers: 5 POINTS

Lean Pockets says: Enjoy new recipes from Lean Pockets brand sandwiches! Our improved Chicken, Broccoli & Cheddar made with Whole Grain variety features delicious white meat chicken, reduced fat cheddar cheese and broccoli wrapped inside a crispy, chive topped whole grain crust. With more flavor in every bite, eating on the go never tasted so good.

Anj Kay says: The Lean Pocket is a lie!

Don’t believe that product blurb. Sure, the ingredients are correct (although I would have never guessed that was chive on my crust), but words such as, “improved”, “delicious”, “more flavor”, or “so good” are indeed falsehoods. Everyone I complained to suggested that it was the whole grains that I found so offensive, but that’s not the case. I love whole grain products. I spend 7 dollars on Genesis 1:29 bread just because it is chock full full of tasty whole grain goodness. I think the problem with this pocket is that they are clearly using inferior ingredients that people will simply not complain about because they’ll think low-fat, whole grain products will never taste as good as “real” full-fat ingredients. I’m on to you, Lean Pockets.

Is anyone unfamiliar with a Hot/Lean Pocket? It’s filling in a crisped crust that was microwaved in a crisping sleeve. Apparently, you can also bake them in the oven, but who has the patience to wait 30 minutes for a Lean Pocket? I’m dancing in front of the microwave for 2 minutes, as it is. Dancing makes it go faster. As the blurb says, this pocket was filled with chicken, broccoli, and cheese. The chicken (chopped and pressed) was surprisingly in marble-sized chunks and was tender and gristle-free. The broccoli and cheese, however, was a horrible melty, mushy mess. The broccoli was overcooked and had absolutely no bite or crispness. Half of the cheddar cheese was melted, the other half was in little flat, rubbery discs. Upon looking at the ingredients list, margarine seems to be a major ingredient which would explain why part of the “cheese” mixture was so melted and runny. The crust was flavorless, yet tender with no apparent taste of chives that were supposed to be topping it.

I know what you thinking here, “What you described sounds disgusting. Why two stars?” I went back and forth on this as well. I think if there was more than one positive, it deserves more than one star. The positives here are: the chicken was tasty, the cheese sauce had enough flavor and salt to cover the flavor of the broccoli and help the flavor of the crust, and said crust was crisp, yet tender. The negatives were: the broccoli was gross (and I like broccoli) and the crust was essentially flavorless. In other words, the pocket was edible, just not something I would necessarily need to buy again. I also ate both of them, so obviously they couldn’t have been complete rubbish.

Who eats just one Lean Pocket?

[Also, who can help but dance in front of the microwave? -Editrix]

First, a congratulations to the two major prize winners from the last Heat Eat Review giveaway. I’m in talks with some other companies to get free stuff to for giveaways, especially since 1/3 of the cost of sending 14 Indian meals across the country was the shipping.

• I have never seen two people less excited about winning:
  
  

  Travis and Chang, winners of the $50 Amazon Gift Certificate and Indian Dinner for a Week giveaways.

  
  You can win in the next giveaways (they’ll be on Facebook and Twitter), just become a fan of Heat Eat Review on Facebook or follow Heat Eat Review on Twitter to get the details when they’re posted.
• Microwave cookery. I have shown you how to make oatmeal in the microwave, but I haven’t attempted anything nearly as insane as making a spinach souffle in a microwave. Amy’s a brave lady. Or crazy. Same thing, right?
• Oh wait, this is supposed to include food reviews! Well, here’s my first link, straight from Josie of YumYucky: Hot Cocoa Ice Cream. No, your eyes do not deceive you. Still not sure about clicking on that link? Who wouldn’t want to read a review that includes the phrase “like a house full of rats in need of pest control service”?
• I find it curious that the Girlfriend on Vacation Food Pyramid does not include frozen meals. Also, if you made one called ‘Girlfriend on Vacation Activity Pyramid’ it would probably include a lot of episodes of Law and Order SVU.
• Dove Chocolate is cashing in on breast cancer over at ZOMG, Candy! Okay, so they’re donating money – but it still feels weird.
• Gigi Reviews is conducting a Gum Week and reviewing things like pieces of Trident that look suspiciously like pink Andes mints.
• Joan Collins in a microwave commercial, not that Joan Collins would ever, EVER use a microwave:
  
  If you at all enjoy Go Fug Yourself, you will probably love this commercial.
• Not about food, but what are you going to be for Halloween? Anyone have good, inexpensive costume ideas?